Registered: 1590043322 Posts: 2
My cat Xena just turned 19 in April and i adopted her when she was 6 months old she had a variety of permanent medical issues in the last few years. She went to the vet every other day for fluids for the last year to combat chronic pancreatic issues, but other than arthritis and her advanced age she got on very well and lived comfortably with her many siblings over the years, 13 other brothers and sisters at the same time in the last few years. Our family has always had many pets, and always cared deeply for all of them, and we have had our share of losses over the years, so as Xena approached her elderly years i began to try and mentally prepare myself for the impending loss. I knew that it wasn't something I had any control over, and i tried to accept it was going to happen one day. Well i knew that day was very close when i came home from work and my parents told me something was wrong, and thought she may have had a stroke and she was unable to walk or get up and was breathing quickly and shallow. So through that night my mom and I took turns holding her in our lap and trying to make her comfortable as possible until we got to the vet in the morning. At about 5 am that morning i took over and my mom went to bed for a little bit before we had to go, and not long after that Xena began to have small convulsions, and i knew it was time. I held her in my arms and told her how much I loved her, and that her brothers and sisters were coming to take her to heaven, and that she could go with them, and that she didn't have to worry. Up to that point I held myself together as best I could, but i knew what was going to happen, and i began sobbing while i held her, and i promised her i wouldn't leave her alone, and id stay till the end, and a few minutes later she passed away in my arms. A pets death is never an easy thing to go through, and i have experienced the loss of other pets in the past, both euthanized and not, and i truly believe that euthanasia is a very peaceful and kind way for them to pass, and i wish i had been able to give her that peaceful end rather than just being able to hold her and watch helplessly. For anyone who hasn't had to go through that situation, i am not belittling you, i dont qish that experience on anyone. It is in no way pleasant, and it was very hard to handle. I felt so helpless and so guilty for not wanting to have to hold her through it, but i promised her i wouldn't leave her. I cared for her so much, we had literally grown up together for 19 years, and i owed it to her. Since then i haven't been able to get any kind of sleep, and im constantly having vivid memories of it that pop up out n of the blue randomly and make me begin to cry no matter what I'm doing or where I am. I just feel so guilty for being this upset about that memory. Up until now I haven't discussed it with anyone, and i am so glad I found this place to open up. I absolutely am heartbroken still, but this has helped me just getting it off my chest. I am sorry for everyone's loss here, and thankful for this kindness
Registered: 1589465822 Posts: 28
I held her in my arms and told her how much I loved her, and that her brothers and sisters were coming to take her to heaven, and that she could go with them, and that she didn't have to worry. That is so beautiful. I have tears in my eyes. Precious Xena waited for you to tell her it was ok. I'm sure after having her for almost two centuries that you had a strong bond. This is going to be hard. I am sending you hugs and praying for your peace. I'm a little confused by a couple of comments. For clarity, did you feel it would have been kinder to euthanize Xena? If so, maybe that is a good lesson for the rest of us. Well, me. Jasmine passed on her own but I know I would have kept trying and regretted it later. It's so hard. But, their lives are so fragile. I'm sorry you had to go through it but I think you handled it like a champ. The way you talked to her and comforted her is beautiful. I'm not sure what you believe but I read something in a book about grieving pets that stuck with me and felt true. Years ago I was in a car accident. I remember the black ice and praying for God to help me -- I do not remember the impact -- my next memory is foggy at the accident scene and someone telling me the ambulance and my parents were coming. The author of the book believes that pets don't remember the pain/discomfort of their passing. Now, this book was written by someone who believes they can communicate with those who have passed. Even if you don't believe that ... the premise rings true with me. I really don't believe those moments stick with our beloved when the go to the bridge. What they take with them is the pure love they had for you. Xena would want you to sleep, to find peace, to remember her with a smile. You know that too. Sending you so many hugs.