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Posts: 4
Zee was my lovely cuddly English Mastiff that past at 3am today (Jan 16). He didn’t even make it to his birthday next week Jan 25.
He developed symptoms mid Saturday had a limp leg and just stopped eating. When we took him to the vet hospital Sunday they just said it was shoulder pain. No blood/urine specimens were collected after having a 104 fever, not even a blood pressure taken after hearing a fast heart rate. The next day, Monday he felt worse and we called them again and they said to give him more pain meds after asking them do we need to bring him in, is this life threatening and the vet told us condensendingly that he won’t die from a shoulder injury despite more lack of mobility and now nausea.

From forums I’ve read just trying to cope with this sudden loss, I know it’s unhealthy to place blame on me and others,But I’m I wrong to feel that they mis treated my dog and may have ultimately killed him? That how I feel. We spent 5 hours at the hospital to only be given a lymes disease test (negative) one liter of IV fluid, and medicine costing almost 500. I keep telling myself that we did everything we could and that how were we to know that he was going to die last night. That’s why we asked the vet and got shoddy answers. This loss is the hardest loss for me because he was still a puppy and he just wasn’t a pet, but family. I feel like I’ve lost a child and I’m so heart broken. I had to give cpr before he passed and his face so terrified just haunts me all the time and also afterwards being alone with him because no one heard me scream for help and then the crying from my boyfriend and just dead silence.

We are still waiting on the autopsy to see what happened to him which, I hope, will bring me some comfort. But all I want is for him to come back home and be able to hug his big self and lay with me in bed like he did every night.
On top of all of this, mid oct I lost my grandpa to old age and my grandma on Jan 2 from unexpected cancer. I’m emotionally overloaded. I hope writing here will somehow help me because I can’t stop crying.

Posts: 1,191

Hello Izzy Park,

I am so sorry to hear of your sudden loss of Zee.  My heart weeps for you.

I do hope you find answers from the autopsy: I had been reading in the news about canine flu and wonder if he caught the flu.

I am also so sorry to hear of the loss of your grandparents within months of each other.

Please keep writing and reaching out to this wonderful community as the need arises.

My sincere condolences and continued prayers,



Posts: 4
The autopsy showed that he had endocarditis. His was bacterial related where the bacteria was sticking to his heart valve and the pain in his shoulder was a blood clot. The episode he had before giving cpr was him having an embolism. This news has brought some piece of mind for me. Before knowing what happened I was thinking of what if scenarios and guilt that I maybe could have done more. Now knowing what I know I couldn’t have possibly saved him . I’m still mad that the hospital vet didn’t order a blood panel because then we definitely would have known that he had an infection. I don’t think they could have saved his life but when his symptoms progressed he should have been put down. Instead I witnessed my dog suffer and die in front of me and that I will never forget. At this point I’m just extremely sad and heart broken. The shock is gone. When we dropped him off for his autopsy I knew the reality of the situation that my dog is really dead and he’s not coming back. I’m just asking myself why. He was just too young to have suffered so much.
It’s weird and heart renching all the dumb stuff that triggers me. The night he died I held him in my arms gave him head rubs and we watched the family feud. The family feud came on again tonight and it was a knife going through my heart. One time my dog chewed some of the back of my brand new slippers and it made me so mad. I learned to put my slippers in the bin. Today I went to take them off and headed towards the bin and realized I didn’t have to anymore which broke my heart. What I would do to have my Zee come back to life and be with me again.

Posts: 4
The craziest thing happened today. I started type a caption for my official post of the death of my dog when I heard, as clear as day, 4 whimpers and then nothing. We live in the basement and there are weird noises on occasion but we lived here long enough to know all the different sounds and I’ve NEVER heard this. I’m not crazy because at the time I was laying in bed and my boyfriend was on his computer. We stared at each other because we heard the same thing. We have an older dog with us and I immediately went upstairs to see if she was laying by the door (sometimes she does), but she wasn’t. She was laying down in a completely different room. Not to mention she never cries like that. I broken down crying because I know that was my Zee but it’s comforting that maybe there are such things as spirits. I’ve believed that there is something on the other side and I’ve had a few signs before with the passing of my grandparents, but having a witness this time makes it more comforting. If anyone is looking for a sign of an afterlife I had my sign and you’re pet is also with you in spirit. Have faith. I know I’ll see my dog and all my loved ones again
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