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Guccijazz1973

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Posts: 6
 #1 
Hi,my little,darling boy,Gucci passed,over today,age 12.he became acutely ill, so yesterday he was my fun,lively,precious boy to one gravely ill baba.he had emergency surgery but his little body just couldn't cope.
I am not married,no human children.Gucci ,was my best friend,my life partner,my companion.I fell in love re moment I saw him,12 yrs,ago as,a 8 week old ball of fluff.my heart is broken,I'm numb,exhausted,tormented and very very sad.
I lost my other baby in 2010,extremely traumatic,my horse jazz.both my boys,are the most special spirits this world has,ever seen....I'm their mum so I can say that.
My life was filled with both love and importantly,company with my best friends.
I took Gucci home at 8 am,I held him in my arms,in his blanket,for 5-hrs,honestly this was therapeutic I feel.we got to say goodbye,hug him tight for 5hrs,talk to him,kiss him and ask the angels to guide and protect him,....what I have done for12yrs.my parents loved Gucci too as,a grandchild,they held him,we bought flowers and said goodbye with torrential tears and 3broken hearts.
I'm empathize with you all,and truthfully I don't mind I dying really soon as I will see my babies again.but God doesn't work that way.I swill talk to Gucci daily,as I do jazz,they are still in my heart.jazz passed over 7yrs,ago,i cry regularly,I have photos in my house which I kiss,as I pass...you never stop loving,th just learn to cope,somedays you don't cope.now with two babies in heaven,I'm not sure I will cope.2 is 2 too many....they are my children my two beautiful boys who I will cherish everyday until I meet them...hopefully really soon.m
Kacy

Registered:
Posts: 34
 #2 
I'm so sorry for the loss of your boys.  I think it's especially difficult when they leave us suddenly.  Not that there is really any way to prepare for the loss, but at least it doesn't come out of nowhere. 

I'm glad that you had the support of your family and that you were able to spend time holding Gucci in your arms.  You need to take whatever time you need now to grieve. 

There really are no words to say, but I hope knowing that many others on this forum care will help a little.

Mary
Guccijazz1973

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #3 
Hi Mary,
Thk you for your message.this forum is helping....sometimes you think that no one will understand the depth of grief I'm going through but seeing that you all have experienced both the deep deep love we get from and give our little babas,,and the deep deep feelings of irreplaceable loss......well it is a huge help.i know now that holding my baby for those 5 hrs ,talking to him,kissing him,holding him tight,has helped,,,I didn't get that chance with my horse,,,different vets and I couldn't take jazz home.I asked for jazz to be cremated but the vet didn't listen ,so you know what they do with horses bodies....I was so sick ,traumatized at this thought for 5 yrs,I'd cry out to him,I know I left him down for his beautiful body to be treated like I think he was......only when I confronted the vet,5yrs later,(it took me 5yrs to have the strength to confront them...they are a big organisation that treat the horses for cool more stud)as I felt they would dismiss me,laugh at me,.
They refused to take my calls,only when I wrote saying I would report them...did they then meet with me.i was shown to a boardroom,2vets and a Secretary sat opposite,they tried to intimidate me!!.I know for sure,that jazz spoke through me that day,words came from my mouth,my heart,that were not mine,I did not break down,I looked each of them in the eye,it was most definitely some one else,jazz,who was with me,speaking through me that day.I got sympathy from one vet but a condescending attitude from the other.it didn't matter I stood up to them,with all their fancy expensive racehorses,,my jazz was my precious boy and just as valuable as any racehorse.only then,that day,did my friendship to subside,a weightlifting...I was so proud of my little boy in heaven,coming back to this world,to yet again hold my hand through a horrendous situation.I also visited a spiritualist after jazz passed,as I just could not cope,I really was not coping,knowing that they hacked beautiful body,when I asked for cremation...literally tore me apart.thankfully I had Gucci then to help me with my extreme grief.the spiritualist,believe this...took me to the after life,I saw jazz.I saw my baby grazing,the sun shining,swishing his tail,,,and he walked over to me.I visualize this image when I'm low,seeing him with that day,I now pray that Gucci is with him,his big brother,as Gucci is only a little boy....and hated to be on his own,he literally followed me into my bathroom,every time,!!I wish I still had them both here with me,I was never as happy as when I was with both of them,never.
We are all so blessed to have these little souls in our lives and believing in the after life,still talking to our babies in heaven,it helps.th k you my babies.your mammy,Marisa
JoeR

Registered:
Posts: 67
 #4 
Thank you for your post. Your pain is clear. Your honest laments help me.
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