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ccyh1210

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Posts: 3
 #1 
Yesterday at around 7pm I had to let my almost 14 year old Pomeranian Cookie go. It was one of the most painful things I have ever done. I started crying uncontrollably and hyperventilating when I told the vet my decision. I knew it was time. She has been sick ever since she was three years old, with pancreas problems and digestive issues, and developing arthritis later on, but she was so strong and such a fighter. She battled through pneumonia last October and I thought I was going to lose her then, but she pulled through.
I feel so guilty because I did not interact with her as much as I thought I should in the latter years, because she could not do much. I just wish I had held her more and taken her upstairs with me every time since she could not go up the stairs by herself. I knew she always wanted to be my side and I should have always brought her wherever I went. Even when she couldnt really use one of her hind legs, she still managed to get up a few times, just so she could stay by my side. What I would give to just hold her once again ...
I had to deal with this once before with my first dog’s passing three years ago, and it doesnt get easier. I miss my babies so so much, and it just hurts so much.
Eriksfurrbabies

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Posts: 28
 #2 
Do not blame yourself for what happened in the past. Sometimes we need some time for ourselves as well, and can't have our pets around us all the time.

You took care of her for a very long time so you have nothing to blame yourself for.

cosesmom

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Posts: 580
 #3 
When we choose to let our loved ones go there is always regrets. Things will always haunt you (us) with the I wish I would have, I could haves. Your baby Cookie knows that you loved her and she loved you. My beloved Termy didn't get to go on many walks in his later years and I felt bad when I took his sister out but I know he knew in his heart if he could have went I would have taken him. They are okay with just being with us. There are so many things that we let go when we are only thinking of them and knowing that they can't do what they used to do years before. Please let those guilt feeling go. Cookie was happy with you just being near you and she understood. Mourn her, Yes, but know in your heart that you are her hero and she always came first in your heart.
She lives on in the spirit world and is now able to follow you every where, up the stairs, out side, where ever you go she is there by your side. Close your eyes and feel her there. Love never goes away.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
ccyh1210

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Posts: 3
 #4 
Thank you both for your comforting words. I try to imagine her now following me everywhere free from pain now, back to being able to jump up and down my bed, bouncing up and down the stairs. That is all I really want, for her spirit to go on so that one day I can finally be with her again.
KatKat

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Posts: 171
 #5 
Always such a difficult decision.  There's always what if's and wishes of wanting to have done more or done things differently, regrets, guilt and a lot of pain.  Your beautiful Cookie was sick and because you loved her you made the decision to end her suffering.  I know it's easy for me to say "please don't beat yourself up" over the "I should have's or I wish I had" but not easy for you to do it.  I think it's healthy that you imagine her free and without pain, it's good to focus on good memories.  Your beloved Cookie knew how much you loved her, please hold onto that.  Please continue to reach out.
GreenBean59

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Posts: 22
 #6 
I understand your pain. I had to let my cat Nala go several years ago and had a lot of what if's. Obviously you loved cookie very much and there is no doubt he knows that.

As I write in an earlier post, I lost my cat Green Bean a little over a week ago very suddenly and unexpectedly.

I am sure that Nala and Green Bean were there to welcome Cookie to the Rainbow bridge and I believe they are playing together right now.
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