Registered: 1515567496 Posts: 2
I can’t sleep tonight because of everything on my mind so maybe spilling it out will help.
In May of 2016 my husband (then boyfriend) finally gave in to my request of getting a puppy. We found a beautiful Rottweiler/Blur Heeler mix puppy. Athena was my baby. Full grown she was under 50 pounds. She slept in the bed with us, I would sometimes go out of my way to get her and my other dog a burger or grilled chicken sandwich. She loved water so sometimes we would let her in the pool in the backyard.
Yesterday was the warmest day we had in weeks. It was 65+ in contrast to the 10 degree days we had been having for weeks. Our pool cover had broken but I figured the 2-4 inch ice was enough to protect my dogs from falling in while we waited for the replacement to ship in. I had been at urgent care for pneumonia for 5 hours, so I let the dogs out when I got home and sat on the couch and accidentally fell asleep. Fast forward maybe two hours later, I woke up. I go to bring the dogs in, and only Buddy came. I panic a little thinking Athena got out of the fence since she was a little smaller than Buddy. I couldn’t find anything that would suggest it. I called my husband panicking because I couldn’t find my dog. He doubtfully suggested to look in the pool. I told him that the ice was too thick but I would grab the flashlight and look anyway. That’s when I saw it. A hole in the ice. The water beneath was dark and cloudy from algae. I saw something that looked like her bright blue collar. I grabbed the end of a pole and poked the area. I felt my dead baby’s body. I started freaking out. Thankfully my husband came home and was able to get her out and bury her.
I keep thinking it’s my fault for falling asleep or not getting a cheap tarp to cover the pool while the cover came in. All I know is she trusted me to take care of her, and she died before her 2nd birthday and it’s my fault. And I can’t deal with it.
Registered: 1515364627 Posts: 7
I am so very sorry that this has happened to you and your family :( But it was an accident and not something you set out to do intentionally, so please try to forgive yourself. You loved Athena so much and that is why you are here. Guilt is definitely part of the grieving process (I am going through it myself) and when we are going through it, we get so caught up in our thoughts and replaying what happened over and over in our minds, that we don't necessarily realize how hard we are being on ourselves. We feel the need to place blame but sometimes no one is to blame. Things happen and sometimes it is just a tragic accident. Sending love and prayers your way. Athena loved you and you loved her. That love is eternal.