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michelledimarco

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Posts: 27
 #1 
This is my first time posting here. I came across this site after losing my 11 year old Chow mix who I named Chewy because she reminded me of Chewbacca. We found her mom at a gas station in the desert and she was pregnant and looked like she was ready to give birth any day. A few weeks later, Bebe had her puppies. She had nine. The litter was made up of Chow, German Shepherd and Rottweiler mix pups and my Chewy was the most docile little baby out of all of them. I placed all of them in good homes, maybe a little later than I could have, because we had a lot of property at the time and I loved having them around. I struggled with alcoholism my whole life and after many failed attempts, I finally got sober in January of '09 and stayed sober and Chewy was with me through my whole journey. I also suffer from anxiety and depression and Chewy was the best friend and emotional support dog that I've ever had. This is my first loss of a family member and it's gut wrenching. Chewy had a lump on one of her mammary glands that was thought to be a cyst but it started growing so we had it removed just last month and it was a benign tumor. Waiting on the cancer test results was excruciating. She made it through the surgery and we had to keep her in a cone for a few weeks and she healed up beautifully. My baby started having seizures when she was about 6 years old but they were very mild and very few and far between so we changed her food to natural dog food and stopped using the flea drops that we were using because I had done research on both of these things maybe being the cause of her seizures and they went away for a few years. They started coming back so we had her tested and they couldn't find anything. I started her on CBD oil and it seemed to help. A few months ago she had a severe cluster of seizures so we rushed her to the vet and they stabilized her and prescribed phenobarbital to help control the seizures. It didn't seem to help. On December 6th I was sitting on the couch with my baby and her head started twitching and she had a pretty bad seizure, then another one. That's how it usually happens. She wanted to get off the couch so I helped her down. She had another violent seizure. My God, this has never happened. Then she looked so dazed and I think that's when she had a stroke. I was here alone with no car. I called 911 in a panic and they told me to take her to the vet. Luckily my son worked locally and he made it home within minutes and our vet was just up the street. They got her stabilized but then she had another seizure so we were sent to an emergency hospital where they kept her overnight and had mentioned putting her down because her eyes were unresponsive and she seemed paralyzed. But then, the doctor said her eyes were reacting to his flashlight and that she was improving so we kept her there for another night and they said we could take her home because there was nothing more they could do, and that she might recover and she might not. My baby stopped breathing a few hours later. My heart was crushed. My husband, son's, and I were with her when she passed and we all wailed. It was unreal. It was raining pretty hard that day and we rarely get rain here. Shortly after she passed we saw a rainbow. It was beautiful and gut wrenching at the same time. We waited until the next morning to take her to the funeral home because the roads were flooded and I couldn't imagine losing my husband too. We dropped her off and said our goodbyes. They called us about a week later and said "Chewy's ready to be picked up." My heart broke all over again. It was final. I have her ashes and her little paw print in my room. I say goodnight to my baby girl every night. I'm totally lost without her. I'm glad I found this site. Reading all of your stories has helped me realize that what I'm feeling is normal. It can be excruciating looking at her pics so I've had to limit my time looking at them. Chewy would be happy that I'm still sober because it's really been a struggle since she's been gone. Thank you all for listening and I'm sorry for the losses you've all suffered..
Trishataz78

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Posts: 39
 #2 
My heart goes out to you keep strong for Chewy🙏💕
michelledimarco

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Posts: 27
 #3 
Thank you ❤ I'm trying
Izziesmom

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Posts: 3
 #4 
I am so sorry for your loss of Chewy. I lost my first baby, Izzie on Christmas morning. Izzie was with me in the throws on my alcoholism and she was with me in recovery ... When I adopted Izzie as a puppy, it was just the two of us ... when she passed she was a member of a family of 7, my husband, myself, my daughters and our two other dogs ... but Izzie was my girl and losing her is like losing a part of myself. I was glad that I was able to be present to her and get her the help she needed on Christmas day. The pain is immense and sometimes I wish there was something I could do to make it go away, but at the same time - I don't want to lose this opportunity to grieve and drinking would steal that away from me. My thoughts are with you.

michelledimarco

Registered:
Posts: 27
 #5 
I'm sorry for your loss as well, Izziesmom. I definitely lost a part of my heart that will never be filled again. I'm so sad all the time. This is the hardest thing I've ever been through and staying sober is hard but I agree. We need to feel these emotions and grieve. Thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry you lost your baby on Christmas. This year was definitely not the same for us. Praying your pain lessens over time ❤❤❤
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