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adultchild2009

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Posts: 1
 #1 
its been 2 days since i lost my baby, minnie. i got him on april 15th, 2017. for over half of my life so far ive been dealing with depression and in march 2017, it all got too much, if you know what i mean. spent a while going in and out of hospital and attending all sorts of appointments. i always thought that having people know about what i was going through would help but it didnt. not at all. my family already had a cat (he was mine originally but i got him when i was pretty young so i wasnt able to look after him so my mother took over and still does do most of the caring for him). but i wanted another pet. one i could really call my own, one i could be responsible for, one i could have as motivation to live another day. i wanted a kitten but my parents said no because of the cat and the problems it might cause. he was around 10 yrs old at the time so having him adjust to there being another cat around mightve proved hard for him. then i wanted a rat (didnt know where to get one) but i settled upon a hamster. i went to the pet shop and got one. i called him minnie. he had the sweetest little face and the cutest eyes. he took a while to warm up to me but when he did, he was the most wonderful little thing. he loved eating broccoli and i loved watching him eat it whilst he held it in his tiny hands. he was so full of energy and would eat almost anything. i dont think id ever been so happy. i loved letting him run on my bed and sometimes hed nibble at my soft toys but i didnt have it in me to feel mad because he was so cute. i loved how id give him a piece of banana and how he'd take it from me and run with it, or take food and stuff it in his cheek pouches and i really loved how soft he was and how his little hands felt. they were always so warm and almost clammy? like actual hands. and his ears. they felt like the softest velvet. i also liked how his whiskers felt when he'd crawl up on my pillow and sniff my ears. i adored him with everything i had and i still do. though i will admit there were times that i wasnt able to look after him as well as i wanted to but i like to think i gave him as happy a life as i could, given my circumstances. i woke up on friday and saw him walking but he was wobbling so much. he couldnt even walk in a straight line. i was so worried. i googled it and saw someone say their hamster was doing the same and they passed the following morning and i started crying. i know he was old for a hamster (he wouldve been 2 yrs 3 mths but when i got him i think he was already about 4 months old so he was closer to 3 years than 2) but the death of a pet is something you hope to never have to go through even though death is inevitable. its something that crosses your mind every once in a while but its not enough to prepare you for when it actually happens. i went downstairs for a while and got a phone call so i went to my room to take it and looked in the cage to see him slumped against the side of the cage, so still, eyes wide open and i felt my legs turning to jelly. once the call was over i went to see him and i couldnt contain it anymore. the day i thought would never come was here. he was so weak, he looked so small. he was still breathing but very shallowly. every once in a while he'd get up and try to move but to no avail. my baby was dying. i played some relaxing music for him and went to stroke him every once in a while. i wanted him to know that i was there for him. it took a few hours for it to be over. he was clearly dying and nothing couldve saved him but when he actually passed over, when he finally breathed his last little breath, i was inconsolable. feeling his limp little body in my hands is something ill never forget, not for as long as i live. it was like the straw that broke the camels back. it felt like my whole world came crashing down on me. my parents and brother came to comfort me but it felt (and still does feel) like they thought i was overreacting. i even saw my brother laughing at me when he came to comfort me after he passed. it feels like my friends feel that way, too. earlier today, things got really bad so i locked myself into my room and my mother came in so the cat could come and lie with me but when i asked her to leave, she said "it's just a hamster, not a family member" and my heart sank. he might have just been a hamster but he was my hamster. he might not have been her family member but he was mine. he was my baby. and now he's gone. ive spent the last hour or so lying in my bed crying because i feel so alone without him. i miss him terribly. and it makes me upset how the people who are supposed to care for me are making me feel this way and then they wonder why i never tell them anything about how i feel. im really sorry that this was so long. if you've read this far, thank you. i just needed to get this off my chest.
skmk

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Posts: 91
 #2 
Hello adultchild2009, 

I'm so sorry about the loss of your beloved Minnie.  I'm also sorry to hear that the people around you are not supporting you.  He was not just a hamster.  He was a precious little being with whom you had a meaningful relationship.  Give yourself time to grieve.  I lost my dog Dickens almost a whole year ago and I'm still grieving his loss.  He meant everything to me.  He was taken suddenly without any warning that he would die.  I was in shock for awhile and missed and still miss him so much.  I know it's hard but don't let anyone tell you how to grieve or how long to grieve.  It's a very personal thing.  Thanks to you Minnie knew how it felt to be loved.   I'm glad you came to this site to get things off your chest, it helps.  You have my condolences and those of everyone else on this site who had a special relationship with a pet and "gets it".  Take care of yourself,
skmk
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