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MadduxsMommy

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Posts: 65
 #1 
I lost my beautiful, sweet, Great Dane, Maddux yesterday very suddenly. He woke me up at 4:30am and seemed to be having trouble breathing. I took him to the vet and his X-ray showed what looked like a mass in his abdomen. They kept him a little while to monitor him and run some tests.  His blood work came back fine, although his EKG showed his heart was beating rapidly. My parents went and got him so I could see him once I got home from class. He seemed to be getting better. Then, when I got home, I noticed he was foaming at the mouth and groaning. Immediately, we put him back in the car and rushed him back to the vet's office.  He died minutes before we got there. I ran into the office and screamed for help.  I ran to the car and opened his door.  He would not respond to me. The loving vet tech's pulled him out and within seconds had him in there trying to revive him. He is gone. It was as if he was waiting for me to return, so he could see me one last time. I decided to have him cremated.  The thought of burying him haunted me. He was afraid of storms and if he were buried, he would always be out in the storm.
My baby boy was my life light. When I got him at 4 months old, I was in a state of depression.  I had this new, wonderful puppy to love and be loved by in return.  We were inseperable.  He went to college with me.  If I went for a drive 30 minutes down the road, or 3 hours down the road, he was with me.  He was my constant companion.  He would never let a stranger come into my bedroom or approach my car. When he was scared, he would lay his big, heavy head on me. The last storm we had before he died, he crawled into bed with me, and with each rumble of thunder, he inched closer and closer to me until he was virtually on top of me.
He was a creature of habit.  He had the same routine for going out to potty, the same bedtime routine, and he seemed to always know when it was time for me or my fiance to return home from work. 
I don't know how to pick up the pieces. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be happy without him. My face is raw from wiping tears away. Please, someone help me. What do I do without my baby?
Mary

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Posts: 1,400
 #2 
Dear Maddux's Mom:
My heart goes out to you and your sweet Maddux.  It is so devastating to lose our best friend and the love our life.  
Nobody can tell you when the pain will ease but in time you will think the great memories and time you had together.  

Maddux and you shared a very special bond and love and that will be with you forever in your heart.  Keep a picture of him with you and talk to him.  He loved you so much and was your protector.  It's something how we give our pets all the love in the world and somehow in there special way they find a way to love us and comfort us more.

I know this is a very hard time for you and I wish I could ease your pain.  I will pray for you and your beloved  Maddux.  Please try to join in the Monday Candle Lighting Ceremony as a tribute to you Maddux. 

Many many hugs to you.  We are all here for you. 

Mary
Meisters Mom


MadduxsMommy

Registered:
Posts: 65
 #3 

Thank you, Mary. I appreciate your time and effort to console me during this very difficult time. I know that it will take a while before I stop crying, but someone told me this was the place to come to start that process.

kittiekat

Registered:
Posts: 215
 #4 
Dear Maddux's mom,

Know that today you are not alone in your grief.  I helped my Smokey pass over yesterday.   The pain is unbearable and the crying seems endless.  When I lost Samantha 2 years ago, I didn't think I'd ever stop crying.  But you will or it will lessen.  Your loss is so very raw right now and the shock of not having our furkids with us is unbelievably difficult.  You look for them at every turn.  You listen for their sounds and so on.  Keep reading the posts and feel comforted that others are thinking of you and praying for you. 

I will keep you in my prayers for your healing.  Know that Maddux is with you always. 

Marsha
floridateacher

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #5 
Dear Maddux'sMom,

I know the emotions you are going through. Two weeks ago I lost my childhood pet, who also remained with me throughout my college years. It is fitting to cry and show how much you miss Maddux. My family and friends have been overwhelmingly supportive. At first I felt maybe I was overreacting, but everyone knew how much I loved that dog. Maddux was not only a pet, he was a great friend. You should cherish the memory of your wonderful friend, and remember things get better with time. I am sure Maddux will be watching over you until you meet again.

I have sometimes thought of the final cause of dogs having such short lives and I am quite satisfied it is in compassion to the human race; for if we suffer so much in losing a dog after an acquaintance of ten or twelve years, what would it be if they were to live double that time?

~Sir Walter Scott

Sincerely,

Michael
WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #6 

I am so very, very sorry to hear you have lost your beautiful companion and beloved Great Dane, Maddox.  I think it is always more difficult when illnesses come on suddenly and rob us of our babies before we can even adjust to idea that they are so ill.   Please know what what you are feeling is horribly painful, but a totally normal part of grieving.  Your loss is so NEW and fresh.   You will feel like you are riding a rollercoaster of emotions.   When I lost my Betsy, who was 16 and ill for quite some time, I felt such despair.  Over time, the quality of the pain I feel has changed, but I still miss her so deeply.   Our pups live to love and please us.  They love us unconditionally and perfectly, unlike humans in our life.  So when they leave, there is a HUGE void and it hurts like nothing else.  

As for your question "What can I do without my baby?", we all deal with our grief in different ways.   It has helped me tremendously to post and talk about Betsy on this site.  The people here are angels.  They have all known the horrific pain of losing a beloved furbaby, and they are so good are offering support.  Consoling others also has helped me heal.

It also helped me to start a journal to record my memories and feelings for her. I have a memorial for her in my home, on my patio, and even one in my office.  I bought a beautiful Esperanza ("Hope") plant for our patio in her memory and I look out on it's beautiful yellow blooms each morning.  My little memorial at work includes a photo of her, a vase of flowers, and a carved angel.  I also had a watercolor portrait done of her.  All of these actions have helped me work through my grief.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss.  Please know you can come here any time and we will be here for you.  You are not alone.

Melissa
Betsy's forever mom


choochoo

Registered:
Posts: 115
 #7 

I am so sorry to you lost your loving companion maddux.Your headline "my baby is gone" is the same i wrote when i put my beloved comanion to sleep 2 1/2 month ago.I know the emptiness and pain you are feeling.Your maddux was a great part of your life and you both shared a great love and bond together.you should feel blessed that you both shared a unconditionally love that many never get to experience.I know i did with my chewy and I can see by your words that you and maddux loved each so much.He is so grateful and lucky to have someone to love him like yourself.It is so hard when we lose a loved one especially when it happens so sudden.i still feel so lost some days and though the pain has lessened the emptiness will always be there.But we must get better as our loved ones lived to make us happy and they would be so sad if they see us so unhappy all the time.You will mourn maddux though as no matter what anyone says you will miss him.He will always be in your heart and one day your happy memories of you and him will return and maybe you can think back and smile at all the love and fun you shared.The road will be tough as i still have rough moments but maddux will give you strength to get thru this.You will never get over it though as maddux was and always will be a part of your life.take care and i am gald maddux had such a loving person to share his life with

MadduxsMommy

Registered:
Posts: 65
 #8 
Thank you all so much for your kind words of encouragement. He was so loved by so many and the support I have recieved has been overwhelming. I just don't ever want to forget the little things. They way he tilted his head; the way he would grunt and fling his head towards the door when he wanted to go out; The look he would give me when I got home; his habits or routines; the way he would dream while he slept; the sound of him clunking up the steps; the way he would follow me around the house when the washing machine was running because he was afraid of it; how his ears would get turned inside out when he shook his head; the way his lip would get caught on his tooth; how he would sneeze three times when he rolled over on his back; how much he loved having his belly rubbed.
I miss him so terribly much. He was always there to heal my broken heart. Without him, I'm afraid this time, it won't heal.
Will everything always remind me of him? Will I ever stop crying?
I think back to when he was younger and I had to pop him and fuss at him. I feel so guilty now. I feel so guilty for everytime I wouldn't allow him in bed with me because he was dirty. Now, I never want to wash my sheets again because his hair is still there.
If only I had known that Wednesday was my last full day with him, I wouldn't have spent so much time on school work in front of the computer with him lying behind me on his bed.
I hope with all my heart that he truly is in Heaven, waiting for me to join him.
mssavion

Registered:
Posts: 613
 #9 

Dear Maddox's mommy,  Please accept my condolences on the loss of your little baby boy, your tribute to him was very beautiful, and it is obvious that he was very much loved and cherished.  I remember the first few weeks of agony after saying goodbye to my golden girl.   Indeed, the early months of mourning are terribly hard, and I feel your pain.   May it give you comfort and peace to know that Maddox will never feel another minute of pain or discomfort, at the Rainbow Bridge he is comfortable basking in the sun with his new friends, and is slowly getting acquainted with the routine there, a little exercise, a little play time, a few naps, lots of snacks, etc. etc.  He is being carefully watched and nurtured by all of our fur babies that preceded him there.   Take good care of yourself, hugs from Houston, MsSavion

kittiekat

Registered:
Posts: 215
 #10 
Hi Maddux's mom,

Just checking in on you to make sure you are okay. 

Kittiekat - Smokey's mom
MadduxsMommy

Registered:
Posts: 65
 #11 

Thank you all for checking in on me and for your kind, comforting words. I am hanging in there. The tears aren't as frequent, but that may be due to the help of a new friend I have found, valium. See, I am a teacher and am in classes all summer so I had to find some way to function. I have been at my mom's since that terrible day Thursday. This was sort of "home base" for Maddy and me. However, I am headed back to my house today where Maddux had his own bedroom (not kidding, complete with a queen size bed), and his food bowls and doggie bed in the living room are still there. My fiance asked me if I wanted him to remove them before I got there. I told him no. I feel like I need to face that as part of the process. That was the house where I was usually alone with him. My fiance works long hours and I don't know ANYONE in that town, so it was just me and my baby all day together. I believe that is going to be the roughest part. My mom is going with me today and spend the night. Tomorrow, after class, I will come home to an empty house. So I still need prayers and continued support as I face all of this.

RobynMissesSaxon

Registered:
Posts: 148
 #12 

I am praying for you. It's going to be really hard being alone. I think the shock is wearing off now and the tears are flowing constantly. The worst part is that every single thing I do reminds me of him. Car rides, making food, taking a shower (he used to sleep on the floor while I took a shower), etc.. This is way painful and I think I'm going to the doctors as soon as possible. I need something for anxiety. 

Shebaface

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #13 
Hi there,

There are no words to help ease what you are going through.  I can only extend my hand so you don't have to walk through this alone.  The people on this site have been wonderful so hang in there.  Hang in there for Maddux.  From your story, I believe that he would not want you to sob for him.  He would want you to go on until it is the right time for you to be together again.  Listen for him, feel him and try tuning into his essence as his spirit is only a thought away. 

It has been 3 weeks today since my Sheba passed.  She was and is the light of my life, my very best friend, my soul mate and I too am devastated.  The sadness comes in these huge waves .. ride them but try not to sink into them but rather try to celebrate Maddux's life by going on and cherishing the memories. 

I am trying to do the same but I have to admit it is a daily struggle.  I rescued Sheba one day from an abusive environment and she rescued me for the next 16 years.  Coping is something we all have to do.  My husband and family have moved on although they loved her dearly.   I am trying to take my own advice and those of the generous people on this site.

Do take care of yourself, for you and for Maddux's memory.
Sheba's Mom

MadduxsMommy

Registered:
Posts: 65
 #14 
I found a picture frame today that says, "I fell in love with you the second I laid eyes on you. It had nothing to do with the way you looked--there was something in your eyes. Then, I found out what was in your heart." I found a picture of Maddux when he was a puppy and put it in there. It is so fitting because I always said the only love at first sight I have ever experienced was when I saw Madder for the first time.
My mom took me to see a puppy today. I just am not ready quite yet. She was a Golden Doodle and so cute, but when I cried holding her, I knew it wasn't time.
When will I know it's time to love another?  Will I EVER be ready to love another?

randy

Registered:
Posts: 17
 #15 
It took me 4 years to get another dog, from shelter (love at first sight).  Yes, you can love again, perhaps even more so.  My dog is very sick right now, and i love him just as much as I loved my previous, I think even more.  You have to balance your abilty to cope with the inevitable (mine is very low), with the joy of another different, but equally lovable pet.  My softspot is dogs - how can you not love the little buggers?   It takes time to accept the fact that the new pet is not "replacing" the love of the previous. but enhancing.

Randy

MadduxsMommy

Registered:
Posts: 65
 #16 
I miss my boy. Today was my first day alone without him. But I don't think it's really hit me yet. My mom was here this morning when I woke up. I was tearful then, but she kept my mind off him. Then I had class. Then I came home to flowers and messages and phone calls which kept me busy until my fiance came home. We had a storm today. I missed him climbing on top of me. He was afraid of storms also. My fiance thinks he got that from me. Which makes me wonder.... If I am afraid for him, will he also be afraid? When I was sad, he was visibly upset. What do I do?
Goldentahoe

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #17 
 Dear Madduxs mom,

I kow how you feel. And my heart goes to you.. We lost out beloved Golden on Monday. He died almost the same with your Maddux. On Saturday we took him to near by spring to swim.. He swam so gracefully that made me smile.. Just like yours by the time we took him to Vet.. it was already too late. It was very difficult but we put him to sleep to take his pain and suffer away. I am sitting in this quiet house and I am so lonely and sad..
I read someone told me the pain will not go away but we learn to cope with it one day at the time.

MadduxsMommy

Registered:
Posts: 65
 #18 
I can tell prayers have been sent my way. I have only cried once today. I miss him terribly, but so many friends have called, people I haven't heard from in years! They call and end up telling funny stories about Maddux and it makes me smile. I just found a bunch of pictures of him and they also make me smile. I am at peace with the way he went: quick and painless. He knew I was there and knew I was doing all I could to help him. I surround myself of happy memories of him and that eases my pain. I don't think I will EVER be painless over him, but my mind is at peace at least. My vet sent me a sympathy card in the mail. They inked his paw print right on the card. Of course, I cried when I saw it, but I had to smile at the fact that his paw print barely would fit on the card! My big baby boy. Something is telling me that he is okay... I don't know what it is, but it is something.
floridateacher

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #19 
It's great to hear that you are doing a bit better! I am a teacher as well, and know how much free time one has during the "long" summer.  I hope your friends and relatives continue to be supportive, because I do not think I would have made it without their help.  People understand that did not just lose a dog, but a cherished companion and friend.  Just continue to focus on the great moments you shared with your friend and things will continue to get better!


Best,

Michael

MadduxsMommy

Registered:
Posts: 65
 #20 
Thank you, Michael. I can certainly empathize with the "long" summer;) Yesterday was a very, very strange but overall good day. Maddux taught me one last thing: who cares for me the most in my life. Of course, all of you are ANGELS and I am so grateful for being referred to this site. However, people from all walks of my life have been in contact with me about Maddux. Just as an example, back in college I had a class with this one girl. She was a very nice girl, but we never hung out outside of class. We had a group project one time and she came to the house several times a week to work on it with me. She fell HEAD OVER HEELS for Maddux. She found out through my facebook account what had happened and sent me the sweetest messages saying how he is in the hearts of everyone who met him because everyone loved him. I have not seen or talked to her since that class a few years ago! I honestly could not count the number of flowers, cards, phone calls, messages etc. I have recieved. It has been unreal and it helps SO much. My family and I sit around and tell funny stories about him and that helps everyone. I love Maddux so dearly and he was CRAZY over me as well and no one can ever take that from me.
Let me tell you all about the odd day I had yesterday. First of all, I won't go into the details, but a family member and her boyfriend who disapprove of my upcoming marriage have really hurt my feelings lately. They don't like Trey (Maddux's Daddy) because he is "socially awkward" which to them is code for "blue collar." Then, when Maddux died, I did not hear a word from this family member OR her mother and father (my aunt and uncle). It hurt because there was a time when I was very close to her and she was even a bridesmaid. There is a bit of a family dispute going on. Everyone knows how close Madd and I were so it was a huge slap in the face. Anyway, the very next day after Maddux died, karma (if there is such a thing?) caught up with BOTH of them, on the same night in two unrelated instances. I wont go into the details of it because I don't want to be ugly, but it isn't anything fatal or heartbreaking, just very costly and a good 'ol fashioned "You reap what you sew" kind of thing. After I found this out, I learned that on Monday, my mom had called about a Goldendoodle puppy. I came to my mom's for the weekend (no one can lift my spirits like mommy:)) She told me about it and after the good day I had I said, "Call her back, see if we can go look at him tomorrow." When she got off the phone with her she looked like she had seen a ghost. The lady told her that before she called on Monday, she had been getting two or three phone calls A DAY about this one little guy, but since Mom called her, the phone calls had abruptly stopped! She said, "I believe this is your puppy." Wait, it gets better.... moments later, my mom and I went to get some take-out dinner and what appeared in the sky but a RAINBOW, bright and clear!
We are going to meet this little guy today around noon (NC time). IF there is that instant connection there like with Maddy, I will get him. I have come up with a name to honor Maddux and it makes me feel better. His name will be Mckale Maddux Kimrey (my soon-to-be married name). I found on the internet that Mckale means "With God". I will call him Mac for short, after my vet's office, Montgomery Animal Clinic or M.A.C.
I miss Maddux very, very much, but I am at peace with how he went and know that he knew he was loved and we were trying to help him. I have set up a place for all the cards, pictures, flowers and things to honor him and my mom is having a portrait done of him to hang on the wall above it. This is also where I will keep his ashes. Something is telling me, especially after yesterday, Maddux is okay.
kittiekat

Registered:
Posts: 215
 #21 
OH MY GOSH!!!!!  See, you just have to open your heart and let the love flow.  You had 2 wonderful signs that give you great peace.  Keep listening and watching, there will be more! 

Let us know what you decide on the other pup.  Either way it goes will be what is meant to be....just trust!

Kittiekat


MadduxsMommy

Registered:
Posts: 65
 #22 

I had a bad day again. My sadness comes in waves now... HUGE waves. I miss him so terribly bad and I'm so afraid I will never be the same. I would give ANYTHING for one more day with him. My heart is so broken and I don't think anything can mend it.

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