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Posts: 1
This is long, but in order to heal, I have to let my feelings out somewhere. I don't know how this website works quite yet. All I know is that it's almost 2 am and I've been awake and alone googling how to deal with my current situation. I've stumbled across this site and have decided that I need kind words from anyone, even strangers. Today (or should I say yesterday? idk), sometime between 2 and 6 pm while I was taking a final exam, my parents let my little 3 lb, five year old Yorkie out to use the restroom and she never came back. My little Sophie was an extremely timid dog from the time we got her. We got her from someone my Dad knew when she was still a pup. She's always been afraid of loud noises, sudden movements, strangers, men, kids, basically everything. But, she lived in a good home. We all loved her and would never dare do anything to harm or scare her in any way. We've always had at least 3 dogs in our home and had never had one act this way. All our other dogs have been very happy their whole lives. Lately, her anxiety has gotten much worse. She's only truly calm when shes in her little bed in the room alone or in my arms. Today, after her being exceptionally anxious, is when I decided that she was most certainly going to the vet asap to get this under control. Then, I left home to take an exam for my college class. While I was gone, my parents let her out to use the restroom like always. We live in a very secluded area on top of a hill with no neighbors, so we have always let our dogs freely go in and out as they need to use the restroom. All of a sudden, my world was turned upside down. I've cried my eyes out all evening and I'm still crying. Sophie has been by my side through the most terrible times of my life. We've always relied on one another for comfort. My heart and home feel emptier than ever. I can't help but to blame myself for not getting help sooner. I'm happy that I've made it a point to spend as much time as possible with her lately. We had a good last few days, at least. Last night was the closest I think we've ever cuddled. She slept right up against me all night. I have a feeling that her anxiety got the best of her and she ran away to pass on her own, as I've heard many dogs do. The unknown is the hardest part. Is she still alive? Did her heart give out on her? Was she attacked by an animal? Could she be stuck out there somewhere, trying to get home? It's freezing out and if she is alive, I know that shes cold. I think of her with every gust of the strong winds I can hear. I think that every leaf I hear gliding across the ground is her. Every time I go back out to look for her, I hope she's on the other side of the door ready to run in and put her front paws on my boot so I'll pick her up. My heart is broken in two. I was so ready for my last exam to be over so that I could finally enjoy Christmas with everyone I love. But instead, I've spent the end of the semester hopelessly sobbing and searching with false hope. I can't bare the thought of spending my first Christmas in 5 years without her by my side. I've never dealt with the loss of a pet without having it sugarcoated to me after the fact. I've never lost a living being that was this close to me. Some of you may think i'm dramatic, but I've lost the only soul who has ever truly loved me unconditionally at all times with no exceptions. There was never a time that she wasn't happy to see me. Our bond was indescribable. She's left a big, paw print shaped hole in my heart that could never be filled. I believe that she will always be in the back of my mind. If you believe in prayer, please send me one up. It would mean this entire world and more to me. If you've somehow managed to read this entire thing, thank you. I am beyond appreciative. As I type this through squinted, tear-filled eyes, I hope that each and every one of you holds your fur babies a little tighter tonight. Never take your time for granted, you never know when it'll run out.

Posts: 279
Oh wow. I'm so sorry for you, really! My elderly dog just passed away on 12-12-17 while we were on vacation. Imagine getting the news while you are 1300 miles away! But even though that was beyond terrible, I can't imagine the pain you are going through not knowing what happened to your dog. My heart aches for you! I do believe in prayer and will certainly pray for her safe return or that in the worst case, you at least get some closure.

You are so right about the unconditional love our pets bring us. My old Tiger boy was the sweetest thing and the gentlest dog I have ever known. He literally did not have a mean bone in his body. I cannot believe he is gone, even though we just got back from the vet a few hours ago and I petted his frozen little head and told him what a good dog he was and that we drove back over 1000 miles to see him one last time. You are also right about cherishing every moment because they can be gone in no time.

As for this board, you did everything right. I have been coming here off and on for five years since my beagle Maggie passed away in 2012. Her death was very hectic and crazy as she had a cardiac event and had to be put to sleep. I also came back in 2015 when we put our elderly basset hound Droopy down when she could no longer stand up. Neither one was easy and each death has lingered with me in the strangest ways. Now, I'm here to celebrate another passage for Tiger.

I sincerely send you healing wishes and hope you find your sweet Sophie!

-- Partial2Hounds
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