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iwuvsasha

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Posts: 30
 #1 
My Sasha passed on 3/13/20. It's only been two days, but I just can't get past the fact that I failed her. We knew she had liver and thyroid problems for about a year. I took her to the vet so many times for bloodwork, and checkups, and she even had two ultrasounds. And still we couldn't find out what was causing her liver problems. Well just recently after a series of tests and bloodwork her Dr diagnosed her with cancer. The word I was dreading the whole time. They still didn't find a tumor, it showed in her lab work. I needed a second opinion. The second Dr verified what the first Dr had told me. I was devastated. The Dr wrote Sasha a prescription for a Prednisolone to ease her symptoms. I gave her the prescription for a week and couldn't stand seeing how lethargic it made her, she seemed so miserable with no energy. I decided to take her off of it, intending to put her back on half dose when she perked up, and got her strength back. She died two days after I took her off. I feel like I should have known better, and seen signs. I was home with her all day, the day before she passed. I thought she was getting better. I was so wrong, and my Sasha paid with her life. Now I'm devastated beyond words. My girl was my everything. Now she's gone, and it's all my fault.
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #2 
Dear Sasha, I'm so sad and devastated, I'm so sorry. I don't believe I'll ever get over losing you, my beautiful girl. I feel like I did everything right with you, until the end. I don't think I'll ever understand why I thought it was okay to stop your meds. They were making you so sick, but I wish I had a second chance. I'd do it very differently. I hope you can forgive me. I'll never forgive myself. You were my everything. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I miss you. My only comfort is hoping you're with you're big brother Kaspurr. I'll slow blink you, my cozy girl, forever and ever. I'll miss you until I get there.
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #3 
Dear Sasha, I attended my first Candle Ceremony. I lit candles for you. I hate that you're gone, and this is what I'm left with, so much pain, and missing you. Anything for you, my girl. Please be happy where you are. I've been sleeping with your green, wool sock that was your favorite, the one in the picture I posted on my profile page. In a few hours we'll go night, night's. Not together in the physical way, like before, but together in the spiritual way, until I get where you are. I'll miss you until I get there. Love you bits, and bits, my girl, my girl.         *Slow Blink*
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #4 
Dear Sasha, I'm going to work today for the first time since you left this world. It's going to be so hard. I always check on you several times a day on the kitty cameras in the house. Now you're not there. I called about your urn today and was told I could bring you home tomorrow. I'm looking forward to that. I hope I can get through the day without breaking into tears every five minutes. My Girl, my Girl. My cozy Girl. Please be happy. I love you bits and bits. I miss you. I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow Blink*
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #5 
Dear Sasha, I picked up your urn and ashes today. I brought you home, it's comforting for you to be with me. The house feels a little less empty with you here. You slept in the china cabinet by the glass door in the sun today, one of your favorite spots. Now I have you on the desk next me, one of your other favorite spots. I also have a candle lit for you. I've never been so sad. In a few hours it will be time to go night, nights. I sleep clutching one of your favorite blankets, and toys, you slept with. I can't wait until we're together again. I'll miss you until I get there. Look at my girl. *Slow Blink*
SpookyWolfe

Moderator
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Posts: 607
 #6 
I’m so sorry your post was missed. I’m so sorry for your loss. You did what you though was right and with love in your heart. You gave Sasha a wonderful life and remember that it was the cancer that took her, not anything you did. It’s hard to lose them no matter how it happens, but please don’t be so hard on yourself. We do the best we can for our babies. I hope you are ok.
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #7 
Dear Sasha, one week ago today was your last day on this Earth. I lit a candle for you and it burned all day. It's still burning. I hope you can see the bright light, not only the candle, but also in my heart. The neighbor cats came to the glass door several times today looking for you. It was a beautiful day, the kind of day you loved to sleep by the glass door, soaking up the sun. That's where I put your urn for most of the day. I love you my girl, my girl. My cozy girl. Soon we can go night, nights and be cozy together. Be cozy my Sasha. I'll miss you until I get there.
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #8 
Dear Sasha, off to bed I go. Are you ready to go night, nights? I can't wait to be cozy with my girl. Every night I hope you'll come to me in a dream. I love you my cozy, cozy girl. Who's that girl... it's Sasha. I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow Blink*
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #9 
Dear Sasha, I'm so sad without you. The house is so empty. This used to be our sanctuary, and now everything has changed. I'm struggling my Girl, I just can't stop crying. It's hard to get out of bed because I know I have to walk around this lonely house being so sad. But it's hard to stay in bed because you're not there being cozy with me. I'm just a mess without you. I've never been so sad. I love you, my Girl, my Girl. I'll miss you until I get there.
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #10 
Dear Sasha, my girl, my girl. I miss you so much. I've been ordering everything under the sun with your picture on it. Yesterday I received your urn necklace in the mail. It's gorgeous. Today I got a coffee mug with a painting of you and me. I tried all day to figure out who sent it. Everyone said no. I finally came to the conclusion that it was from you. I like that best. Thank you my girl, it's lovely. I got a card today from The Morris Animal Foundation, your Dr made a donation in your name. Your other Dr sent a card also. I just wanted to share with you all the love, and the huge impact you've made on my life, although there aren't enough words in the English language to explain the impact. It's bed time. You ready to go night, nights? I still leave the hall light on at night. I love you, my cozy girl. Let's go night, nights. *Slow Blink*
jackie1139

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #11 
It WAS NOT your fault.  Don't even think that for a second.  You did all you could.  I lost my beloved pet last Tuesday to cancer and she was on Predisone to help relieve some of the discomfort.  She was diagnosed with Lymphoma only 6 weeks ago.  Chemo was out of the question.  It's very hard when your beloved pet is diagnosed with cancer.  Most of the time all you can do is comfort them and that is what you did. 
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #12 
Dear Sasha, I'm struggling without you. Frisco came to join you yesterday, just a few hours ago, now I feel like I just lost you all over again. I told Frisco to tell you that I miss you, and I'm happy you can all be together. My Sasha, you can be with Kaspurr, and Frisco, and know that I'll be along for you one day soon. Until then, my Girl, my cozy Girl, I love you forever. I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow Blink*
goofygirlinva

Registered:
Posts: 1,187
 #13 
I am so very sorry for your losses - first Sasha, now Frisco and so very close together. When you said Frisco's passing felt as though you just lost Sasha all over again, it struck a chord with me. Growing up we had 2 cats and 2 dogs. The dogs passed before I was out of high school, but the cats lived well after that. My heart cat Nitelite passed away when I was in college, but my other cat Batman held on for many years after that. When he eventually passed away, it was as though I lost Nitelite and my childhood dogs all over again because for me, it kind of marked the end of end of my ties to my childhood. So that was a very, very sad time for me and it wasn't until several decades later that I finally mustered up the courage to bring another cat into my life again. And of course, that cat was my beloved Blackie whom I still miss to this day, 12 years later...

Hugs to you as you go through this very difficult time. Know you are not alone and that you have a vast and loving and caring support network here at this site...

Kelly
- Angel cat Blackie's mom
- Angel cat Squeeker's mom
- Angel cat Thomas' foster mom



iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #14 
Dear Sasha, when I was in the bathroom earlier tonight, the shower doors rattled. Just like when you jump up and rattle them until I opened them so you could get in the bathtub. Well, I opened them. I can never deny you, my Girl, my Girl. I really like when you do little things to let me know you're still with me, like activating the motion sensors in the empty bedroom. I miss you more than I can find the words for. Tell Kaspurr and Frisco goodnight for me. It's late, are you ready to go night, nights? I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow Blink* & sandpaper kisses.
ptrckryn

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #15 
Bought me to tears. I'm so sorry this happened.
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #16 
Dear Sasha, I'm so lonely without you. I light a candle for you every night. I've filled the house up with pictures of you. I've got your image on blankets, pillows, coffee cups, pictures of you on the wall, pictures of you on the desk, I even have a photo of you in your favorite spot in the China Cabinet. You're image is everywhere, and permanently in my heart, but it's not the same. It's not right. You should be here with me. The 13th was a really,really hard day. You know I woke up at 3:55am, the same time you woke me exactly one month earlier, and died in my arms. I cried myself back to sleep. I miss you, My Sasha. My Girl, My Girl, My Cozy Girl, for now I'll just say... I'll miss you until I get there.
*Slow Blink* & *Sandpaper Kisses*
cmartin04

Registered:
Posts: 73
 #17 
I feel all of those same things. So very sorry we have to go through them. Its the price of loving our friends soooo much. They are worth it. My house and my world are empty without Anna, my best friend. Hope we can all find some peace somewhere until we can see them again. 

iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #18 
Dear Sasha, today was really hard, all I wanted to do was hug you. I had to settle for a pillow with your likeness on it. You've always been my furchild, and me your Mom, so everytime I heard someone say "hug your children and never let them go", I burst into tears. I collected quite a few of your whiskers today. I searched all your favorite cozy spots. The other day I spent most of the day trying to figure out what was reflected in your eyes in a certain photo. I finally figured it out, imagine my surprise when I realized it was me. So My Sasha... My girl, my girl... my cozy, cozy girl... It's almost time to go night, nights. You come be cozy with me when you're ready. I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow blinks* & *Sandpaper kisses*.
ccap1125

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #19 
i'm so sorry for your loss, you sound wonderful and caring.  try to be kind and forgive yourself.  i also am struggling with guilt - i noticed my cat was not feeling well and waited til the next day to go to the vet even though in my gut i felt like i should take her to emergency - i'm crying everyday that i failed her.  this was less than a week ago and i'm still a mess.  

iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #20 
Dear Sasha, I just attended our third candle ceremony. I think I cry harder at each one. I love you so much. It's been over two months since you went away, and I can without a doubt say this has been the hardest time in my life. I can't wait to be with you again, to feel your love and affection, and all the comfort you gave me. I hope I made you feel the same way. My Sasha... my girl, my girl, my cozy girl... I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow Blinks* & *Sandpaper Kisses*
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #21 
Dear Sasha, my grief is so overwhelming. I miss you terribly. I have photos of you all over the house, and I talk to them the same as I did you. Then I usually break down in tears, realizing you're not going to nuzzle on my leg, and I'm not going to kiss your nose, but in my mind I do. I don't know if I'm making any sense, my silly, sweet, gentle Sasha. I love you bits and bits. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight. So my Girl, my Girl... my cozy, cozy Girl... I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow blinks* & *Sandpaper kisses*
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #22 
Dear Sasha, here I sit waiting for the UPS truck to come deliver my latest order of pictures and pillows of you, my sweet, sweet, Girl. I can't seem to stop myself. I can't stop with the pictures of you, my sweet, sweet, Sasha. I've got desk top pictures, wall hanging pictures, pillows, blankets, magnets, coffee mugs, all with your likeness on them. I have one specific photo of you that sits on our desk, right next to me, where we spend so much time together. I talk to your picture all the time. You know the one, you were laying on your back by your fan, and you looked back at me sitting at the desk. I remember calling out to you so I could take your picture, I was so surprised when you looked. Being such a diva, you usually wouldn't even look when I had the camera in my hands. If I remember right, I caught you off guard, the picture is perfect. You have got to be the most photogenic kitty ever. Out of the thousands of pictures I have of you, not one is bad. So my Sasha, still no UPS truck, maybe it'll be tomorrow. Off I go now to light a candle for you, and watch a program, you can come watch too. My Girl, my Girl, my cozy, cozy Girl... I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow Blinks & Sandpaper Kisses*
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #23 
Dear Sasha, another lovely candle ceremony has come to a close. I hope you see and feel the warm glow of my candle burning for you, tonight, and every night. I'm missing you so much. I hope you, Kaspurr, and Frisco, are all together now. Wait patiently for me, my Girl. I'll be there with you soon. Until that time... I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow Blinks and Sandpaper Kisses*
ptrckryn

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #24 
Sasha loved you very much.
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #25 
Dear Sasha, I had a very long awaited dream about you. I only wish I had clarity about the meaning.
We were moving. Not sure where. The first thing I can recall was we were walking out to the truck. Not sure who the truck belonged to, since we never had one. I think it was a red pickup truck. Anyway, my Mom was carrying you. Strange I didn't carry you myself. At some point she gave you to either my son or my brother. Not clear on which one, dreams are so foggy that way. Well anyhow, I kept saying don't let Sasha get down, or drop her. I remember being really worried about that. My brother or son thought it would be okay to just put my Girl in the bed of the pickup truck. My Girl, you almost jumped out of the truck. I was yelling "Sasha stay there, don't jump, don't jump", and running to you. I got to you in time, before you jumped. I carried you into the truck with me, putting you safely in your carrier. That's the last thing I remember.
If someone is reading this and can tell me what this dream might mean, I would really like to know.
I love you bits and bits my Sasha. Thank you for the dream. I hope to see you in my dreams again soon. My Sasha... my cozy, cozy Girl... I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow Blinks and Sandpaper Kisses*
jazz12mex

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #26 
I believe Sasha visited you in that dream. I feel as though she is trying to tell you thank you and that she is okay. The fact that you were the one who safely put her in truck means something. 
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #27 
Dear Sasha, another wonderful candle ceremony is over. Your candles will burn bright into the evening. I hope you can see the promise of my undying and everlasting love for you, in the warm, soft, glow of the flame.
I had another dream about you last night. It was short. I was somewhere, maybe work, and I was covered in your hair. It made me happy, it comforted me.
I understood the dream to mean that you'll be with me always, no matter where I go. If there was more to the dream, and I just didn't remember it, come back and show me again in my dreams tonight.
My Sasha, you know what else? I was on the couch sleeping the other night and the fridge started making the clicking sound it makes. I thought it was you, scratching on the table leg you use for a scratching post. It sounds exactly the same. Funny that for the three years or so that we've had that fridge, and it has always made that sound... it never even entered my mind that it sounds the same as you scratching. Not until that day, and I know that it was you that enlightened me to that, so thank you, my Sasha. Ever since the day you left the earth, I have been comforted by the sound the fridge makes, I wasn't sure why until now. I thought it was because it was a new sound that you and I experienced and got used to together. That's probably a true part of it, but I always felt like there has to be more to it. It sounds crazy to get so much comfort from the clicking sound of the fridge, and I really do. And now I know why, and I feel that it makes perfect sense.
Thank you my Sasha, for the dreams, and the sound of you scratching on your favorite scratching post. You can't imagine how much comfort it brings me. I love you bits and bits, my cozy Girl. Until we meet and spend eternity together, I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow Blinks and Sandpaper Kisses*
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #28 
Dear Sasha, you came to me in my dreams again, I can't tell you how happy it makes me to see you. You were laying on the floor in the living room, and you were talking (meowing) up a storm to me. I really wish I know what you said. But maybe the reason you came to me is that yesterday I was really upset that I never thought to record one of our car trips to the vet. You know, when you were crying and upset, and I would talk softly to you, trying my best to console you. It would have been such a comfort to me to listen to me talking to you lovingly. So my Sasha, you came to me last night and talked to me. Thank you, my baby. My sweet, sweet, Girl... I love you so much, and I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow Blinks and Sandpaper Kisses*
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #29 
Dear Sasha, today is three months, three months of time standing still. I'm so heartbroken, so lonely, so sad. I miss you every second of every day. I look at your toys that you loved so much, and I hope you're not sad. Thinking about you being sad and feeling lonely rips my heart out. Sure I want you to miss me a little bit, because I want you to be there waiting for me when I get there. I want you to be as happy to see me, as I will be to see you, my Sasha. Say hello to your big brother Kaspurr, and Frisco, from me. I love you bits and bits my Girl, my sweet, sweet Sasha. So my cozy, cozy Girl, I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow Blinks and Sandpaper Kisses*
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #30 
Dear Sasha, I found one of your whiskers today. I'm so happy when I find one, I feel like you're sending me a kiss. You know I send you at least a trillion a day. Talk to me, my Sasha. Send me all the messages. The candles I lit for you tonight at the candle ceremony are still burning. You ready to go night, nights? Let's be cozy, my Girl. I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow Blinks and Sandpaper Kisses*
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #31 
Dear Sasha, my Girl, you heard me yesterday when I called your name and asked you to talk to me, my Girl, my Girl. You answered me in my dreams last night. I was in bed, I think reading. Not sure about that, but I remember seeing "look up". I did, and there you were, right above my head looking down at me, watching over me, you were guarding me... just like you always did. Then suddenly you were in the kitchen. I was calling you. First, you were a diva, refusing to come, as usual. Finally you pranced over to me, just like you always did. I picked you up, and hugged you, and kissed your nose. Then I woke up. What a beautiful dream, my Sasha. Thank you. I love you my Girl. I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow Blinks and Sandpaper Kisses*
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #32 
Dear Sasha,
Hey Girl... what'cha doing? Hey Girl... where you going? Who's that Girl... who's that Girl... it's Sasha.
I've been singing this song a lot lately, the long version. Ever since the first time we heard it, it was our song. I love you my Girl. I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow Blinks and Sandpaper Kisses*
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #33 
Dear Sasha, hi my Girl. I'm about to go to bed, thought I'd come by and see if you're ready to go night, nights. Your spot is waiting for you on the bed, right next to me. I sleep with your green, wool sock every night. I love you Sasha... my cozy, cozy Girl. I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow Blinks and Sandpaper Kisses*
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #34 
Dear Sasha,
"Happy Birthday to my Girl, Happy Birthday to my Sasha, Happy 15th Birthday to my Sasha... who I love bits and bits and bits and bits, forever and ever... Happy Birthday to my Sasha."

Did you think I wouldn't sing? Oh my sweet girl, I did more than that. I lit a whole bunch of candles for you. I set up two monthly donations in your name, one to help feed and care for shelter pets, and also one for abused, homeless, and neglected animals.
You're a Kibble Plus member, which means, every day you donate 80 pieces of kibble to shelter pets (that's probably enough to feed a couple animals every day), each month an extra 1000 pieces of kibble is added to your donation. Plus... they vaccinate a shelter cat each month with your donation.
You, my Sasha, are an official ASPCA Guardian. Your monthly donation provides for care for vulnerable, abused, and homeless animals. I'm so proud of you my Sasha. I was so afraid your Birthday was going to be really hard for me, and it was at times. Making these donations in your name made a tough day a lot better. Happy Birthday my Sasha. I can't wait to see you in Heaven. I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow Blinks and Sandpaper Kisses*
twinkiesmom

Registered:
Posts: 834
 #35 
What a wonderful thing to do in celebration of Sasha's birthday! I lost my precious little dog Piper in May but I just set up a monthly donation to the Best Friends Animal Sanctuary.
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #36 
Dear Sasha, hi Baby. Did I tell you that I finally got the 'I know that was you' charm I ordered to hang right above your spot on the desk? It's perfect. Now whenever I'm sitting at the desk, it's right there next to me, marking your spot, forever and ever. I just love you bits and bits, my Sasha. So my Girl, my cozy, cozy Girl... I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow Blinks and Sandpaper Kisses*
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #37 
Dear Sasha, hi my Baby. I love you bits and bits. You ready to go night nights? My Girl, my Girl, my cozy Girl... I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow Blinks and Sandpaper Kisses*
iwuvsasha

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #38 
Dear Sasha, my Girl, my Girl. Lots of cracking and popping of fireworks tonight. It has always been a big day for you and me. You being scared, and nervous, and upset... and me doing my very best to console you, my Girl. That made it hard for me, because with every pop of a firecracker I'm sad, because I miss you so much. So I did lots of consoling, and talking to you. I told you it was only the neighbors, and you were okay... safe and sound with me in the house. I love you my sweet Sasha, and I won't give up the things that are important to us. Your spirit is everywhere in our house, I always feel your energy. So my Sasha, my Girl, my cozy, cozy Girl... I'll miss you until I get there. *Slow Blinks and Sandpaper Kisses*
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