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Posts: 26
It's been a hard nearly two weeks since I lost my little dog Taz. Every day has had it's ups and downs. A couple of hours ago, the vet called and said his cremated remains were back for me to pick up. I thought I had it together, but the emotional rollercoaster started all over again when I held his little wooden urn in my hands and saw his name engraved on it. So I brought him home, I talked to him for awhile, and placed him in the den in his now designated spot where I can visit him the only way that I can now. My tears flowed. But he is home again with me...

Posts: 1,191
Hi Taz's Dad,

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. My Squeeker passed away at home from cancer. I had one of those in-home pet euthanasia services come and help release Squeeker from his pain and suffering, and it was, quite frankly, a relief to know he was no longer suffering and in pain. I was emotionally and physically exhausted once he finally passed away. But I kept Squeeker's body with me because I was not yet ready to physically let him go. So I kept his body in the kitty bed that he loved so much for a couple of days. And then probably about a week or so later (I can't remember how many days had passed), I finally took Squeeker to a local place to have him cremated. 

I will say that getting out of the car with his body in my arms was very difficult and then handing him over to be cremated was definitely one of the most gut wrenching things I have ever had to do. Because once I handed him over, they had him and I could not take Squeeker back and I knew I would never again be able to stroke his beautiful fur or see his eyes or look at his sweet white whiskers again or put my face next to his and tell him how much I loved him. It really made the reality of Squeeker's death so final. So I just handed him over and left the building. Then I went to run a few errands and, two hours later, I returned to pick up his ashes in an urn I had purchased for my boy.

A cat that was so beautiful and had once been so vibrant and full of life and love and zest was now reduced to ashes in an urn that, although I had picked it out for him and was beautiful, was just a fraction of the size of my precious boy's body.

I paid for the cremation service, went back to my car and then drove home. I was in tears most of the drive home. And when I got home, I just sat in my car and cried some more. And then I went indoors and crawled into my bed, hugged my boy's urn, and stayed in bed for a couple of hours. Once I finally got back out of bed, I put his urn on top of the dresser next to my bed and made a little memorial place on top of the dresser just for him. It has his urn, his paw print, a card from his vet's office, a little poem that came with his urn, and his beautiful blue collar with his tags wrapped around the urn. I also have one of those flameless candles next to all of this so I can turn it on each night before I go to bed to guide him to my bed if his spirit ever chooses to visit me again.

As sad as this was, I'm like you - it was good to have Squeeker back home with me. Like your Taz, Squeeker will always be with me and it does bring some comfort to be able to have a little memorial for my boy by my bed. Some of my favorite memories of Squeeker took place in my bedroom, where he would play with my pajamas when I got dressed in the morning, or we would just have some play time on top of my bed as I got ready for bed in the evening. He also loved to sleep with me. He would literally sleep on top of my legs, and although I usually did not get a good night's sleep when he did that, I would give almost anything to feel Squeeker settle down and sleep on top of my legs one more time...

Hugs and peace to you...

- Kelly
Angel Blackie's mom
Angel Squeeker's mom

Posts: 54
TazDad,  i understand and went thru exactly the same thing when i got the message as well. It is so hard to do this alone and im glad to have this community to be with me through all the steps.  I am here right with you, you are not alone either. 

Im glad Taz is home with you now.  Be gentle with yourself today.
All  my support
Mossimo's mom  - anastacia

Posts: 26
Thanks Kelly...thanks MossimoLove. I'm hoping this will now give me a little bit of closure knowing that's it's over and everything has been done that I can do. But tomorrow it will be two weeks, and I tend to get down on Sunday afternoons anyway. So, better it will still be somewhat better. Thanks so much you your support...

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