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madale4

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Posts: 3
 #1 
hey everyone, I am Mallory and I am 19

We rescued our baby Sophie, and had her for 16 years. 16 years full of love and spoiling. 

In the last month or so, her health took a nosedive. She wasn't herself. After one test, we thought the issue was her thyroid. So we began medicated, but things only got slightly better. After a check up test, things seemed alright. This last week, she was back to her old self. She was sleeping in the sun in her favorite spot on our patio. She was running down the hall to see us. Chasing lizards and plants. Our feisty little girl was back.

Thursday, my mom asked me to take her to the vet for more bloodwork. They couldn't get urine so I had to leave her there so I wouldn't be late for work. My dad picked her up later and brought her home. Things were fine. 

Friday, my mom comes home earlier from work sick. The vet calls, and I hear the one-sided conversation. My mother began to cry, which she never does in front of me. I at one point hear her mention about a decision being made in the upcoming weeks. I was under the impression I had enough time. I sat on the floor, gave Sophie a bunch of good scratches, she rubbed her face on my hand, and I just spent a few minutes with her and I left for work.

Now at work I don't take out my phone, and I don't have great signal. I get in the car around 5:15pm. I get a text from 5:06pm, my mom asked if I had left yet. I sent her a bunch of texts, to which she never replied. 

I walk in the front door, and my mom is standing right there. She tells me my father has already taken Sophie to the vet. 

I absolutely lost it. I just screamed.

I knew her time was short, but I didn't realize it was going to be that soon. I never saw her again after I saw her before work. And if I had left work just a little bit sooner I could have seen her one last time

9/21/18. My beloved best friend of 16 years was peacefully and quickly laid to rest.

I was told that her test results were twice as bad as they were just a few weeks earlier. Her kidneys were failing. She had severe dehydration. They gave my mom the option of doing at home IV infusions, but it would only prolong the inevitable. 

We wanted her to be relieved of pain while life was still good, not when she had deteriorated into next to nothing. For that, I am grateful. She went out with her body not absolutely destroyed, or the most pain she could've been in. We didn't want her to suffer until she couldn't suffer any more. 

Of course, selfishly I want her back. I wished I had more time. One more hug. One more kiss on the head. My parents thought it would be easier if they had just taken her, and I didn't experience the pain of a final goodbye. I am conflicted about that. 

It's been 24+ hours, and I still cant stop crying. My dad is pushing me to work through this, and it is hard for me to explain that I just need time. For 16 years, she was my best friend in times when I felt I had no one. She saw the worst parts of me, and continued to love me unconditionally. My mother and I shared the deepest bond with her. To the point where my mom is considering not having pets again, because the heartbreak has been horrendous. 

I can't stop crying. And I don't know how or where to get help. Or how to go about this grieving process. Fortunately, I have never experienced a loss this great in my life. But unfortunately, I don't know how to handle it. She took a large part of my heart with her as she crossed the rainbow bridge. 

I keep looking for her in all her favorite sleeping spots. I think I keep seeing her walk down the hall or sitting on a rug, when in reality it's just a pair of shoes. I feel as if I have been torn apart, and I really need help. I have never felt this hurt before.

Does anyone here have any advice? I am struggling so much. She was everything to me and now my heart is broken. I just want to stop crying.
grievingmom

Registered:
Posts: 640
 #2 
I am so sorry for your broken heart.  When I was about your age, I lost a dog who was about the same age as your cat. I had grown up with her all my life. I was dumbfounded that she was dead. I couldn't understand it, it did not make sense. There are some hurts in life "we just have to take" and when Lassie died, it was one of them.

Now that I am older I can tell you pet loss is no easier. No one becomes an expert at saying goodbye. The attachment you had is real no matter what your age. And it is the severing of that attachment that makes us suffer. So you know...your pain and suffering is normal given what has happened.

And it is going to take a long time for you to wrap your mind and head around it.

If you ever want to talk, feel free to reach out.

Bless you and big warm hugs.

I am so sorry for your loss.

- Stephanie
iheartdierks

Registered:
Posts: 20
 #3 
Hi Mallory,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  It is so painful but each day will be a little better... I lost my cat on 09/6/18  and it was devastating. I cry still daily. Was your cat cremated? I ordered a memorial necklace engraved with a tribute to my kitty that I'm wearing every day...not sure if that will help you feel that part of your kitty is with you. You can put a little bit of the ashes within the pendant. I haven't been able to do this yet but will eventually work myself up to it.  
The website is evrmemories.com.  
madale4

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #4 
@iheartdierks 
As my parents were the primary decision makers for Sophie, they opted to have her cremated but much to my own dismay, we are not receiving the ashes. As I saw this reply, I was looking on Etsy to just get a simple necklace with her name on it, so I can always have her near me and close to my heart. As she was a very long haired and fluffy cat, there is plenty of her fur still around the house, but I do have a whisker that she shed many years back. I saved it in a jewelry box and located it tonight. In time I would love to do something with it, if I find the right thing to do with it. Who knows.

As of now the hurt is still very much there, but I appreciate everyone's kindness and sweet words.
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