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mirandakayb

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Posts: 1
 #1 
My ferret, Thumper (da fump, wittle, baby) had lymphoma with a poor prognosis. I accepted this. I treated him with the available medication and planned to make his life the best it could be. He started doing pretty poorly, and I tried to be strong. A couple nights ago, I had him in a dog diaper and we were snuggling in a giant bean bag (which we had because recliners are not good for ferrets). He got really hot, and short of breath. I took the diaper off because I thought that was restricting his breathing. My SO thought he was overheating, but I thought that was weird because we did it all the time. The night before last, I put him on my chest so we could snuggle. I'm not sure if I was thinking we would sleep together, or if I just fell asleep. I know I always had the thought that I didn't want him to pass alone. But when I woke up, I jumped up and he was in the bean bag, gone. I don't think it was lymphoma because of the previous incident. I just didn't want him to be alone. I'm not sure if he overheated, or was suffocated. Either way, it is my fault, my body, that caused his death. I don't know if he was sleeping while it happened, or if he woke up, scared, thinking "Mommy, why are you killing me?!" I don't know how I am supposed to live with myself, or if I even want to. I wonder how much time he would have had if this had not happened. If I was a different person, one who didn't "snuggle" so much, this wouldn't have happened. Would he have wanted that? No? Or am I just trying to comfort myself? He couldn't get around. I should have known. I should have just put him next to me on his own bed. I have a plant coming to put on his grave. I don't know what I expect from this... I am at a loss...
grievingmom

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Posts: 639
 #2 
i can see why you are upset. you believe Thumper's death occurred because you are the one who brought it into existence. That would upset anyone and I am extremely sorry to say the least....that this has all gone down. Wow, you are devastated and for very good reason. I am so sorry for you. I wish I was there to give you a hug. You sound like a fantastic mother and Thumper had it made with you. How heartbreaking. I am so, so sad to learn this has happened.
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