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beautifulbaby

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Posts: 28
 #1 
I am so traumatized.  On August 3, 2010 my baby boy a 7lb chihuahua was taken out of the backyard by a coyote.  I did not see the incident but a neighbor heard a dog cry and then a coyote running down the street with a small white dog in his mouth.  We searched that night for him hoping to find him with no avail.  I am hurting so bad thinking about how much pain he was in.  How frightened he must have been.  I think about him crying and not being there to save him.  I hurt so bad that I wish I could have taken his place.  He was my baby, my soul mate and my love.  We have had him and his brother since they were babies.  His name was creamer and his brothers name is coffee.  Coffee is okay, he was not taken or hurt.  I feel badly because I love Coffee but never had that same bond with him.  Creamer loved to be held like a baby, he followed us everywhere.  He slept with us in our bed.  He used to love to go on adventures and traveling.  It is so hard to do any of that now.  It reminds me that he is not here.  I keep thinking that this is just a terrible nightmare and that I will wake and he will be here.  I miss holding and touching him.  He had these great big eyes and he would just stare into my eyes while I held him.  I cant even barely write this without crying.  My husband is having a difficult time to.  We are both so depressed, nothing means much anymore.  I would give anything to get him back.  I want so badly to find him, to put him in a place of rest.  I know its not possible we live in the canyons were it is extremely bushy and there are coyotes, rattle snacks and bob cats all around.  This is all pretty new to me, we have not been here for very long in southern California.  I never thought my baby would be in danger of being taken.  thanks for reading my story I can see that you guys are a loving and supportive group and can relate so much to my sorrows.
cwigg99723

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Posts: 628
 #2 
My heart is broken for you and your husband.  I am so very, very sorry for what you are going through and for the loss of Creamer.
 
We lost our Beagle, Bonnie Lou this past June.  She was with us for 13 years.  Her health was failing and so you kind of try to prepare yourself; however really there is no way to prepare for the loss of a pet.  But to loose your sweet pet through an accident or a horrible tragedy, there is no way to prepare for that.
 
Know that you have come to the right place.  The people here are wonderful.  They got me and my husband through the loss of our Bonnie.  
 
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
 
Clara   
KatLover

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Posts: 842
 #3 
I am so so sorry, how heartbreaking.  If anything, I don't think your little one was in much pain at all--Nature is very swift.  This was just a terrible, terrible wrong place-wrong time thing.  But your little guy is OK now on the other side.  There is a book many recommend here, "Animals and the Afterlife," that you may find very helpful, and which I highly recommend. 

Wishing you peace and healing--
Kathy

beautifulbaby

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Posts: 28
 #4 
Thank you for your kind words of support and i am also very sorry for both of your losses.  Losing our fur-babies is so devastating.  I feel like my right arm has been pulled off.  Our fur-babies our the only kids we have. Creamer was 5 years old so is Coffee. He had so much life to him, he was always waging his tail even while he slept.  He would wake us every morning with kisses. Always excited to go for his walk.  He loved to travel to new places.  We always took them on road trips.  He had an amazing personality. He would sleep must of the time by my head.  I miss waking up to him being their.  His death was awful but I do feel better knowing that nature is swift, I didn't want him to suffer.  I am just so traumatized knowing I could not help him.  That night plays over and over in my head.  We both keep saying what if we had just come home 10 minutes earlier or if we had not gone out that night at all.  I miss him so much, that it hurts physically and mentally.  My mind even tells me if I cry enough or talk enough about the situation it will bring him back like nothing ever happened.  I cant believe I will never see him again in this lifetime.  This concept is the hardest for me to deal with.  I know that he is in a good place now.  God wouldn't create such amazing creatures without giving them an amazing place to rest.  Thanks for reading, sorry that my thoughts were all over the page.

Cathy
lovemypup

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Posts: 607
 #5 
I am so sorry to hear about Creamer, he sounds like a sweet sweet boy.  I too think that reading Animals in the Afterlife will help you to understand why your baby went the way in which he did and that he didn't suffer the way we would think.  I hope that you can find some relief in reading this book and in coming here to this forum.  The people here understand the shock, anger, guilt, denial and sorrow you are feeling.  I wish I had some magic words to help you get through this but what I can say is that it is important to talk, release your feelings, and let time help heal your broken heart.  Losing such a precious friend and fur baby is such an adjustment - after all, they are your daily life, make your day, and make you "you".  He's looking down on you making sure you are ok and finding a way to cope and be happy one day again.  He will patiently and lovingly wait for your reunion.


Wishing you much comfort,
Nicole
beautifulbaby

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Posts: 28
 #6 
Thanks for all the replies, it really helps to have support and someone to say its okay to miss your beloved baby.  Thanks also for the suggestions on the books.  Today has been another hard day.  At moments I feel okay and then suddenly sorrow hits with a vengeance.  It takes over me and overwhelms me to the point that I feel like I am going to burst.  I have been trying to eat healthy and even exercise.  I know if I treat my body right I will mentally feel better.  I have been reading and coming on this website allot, reading lots of post and relating to all of you.  This is a great place to get feelings out and it feels safe to let them out.  We haven't had much support which makes the grieving process that much tougher.  I am so glad to have found this website.  Thank you for all the kind words.

Hugs to all of you,
Cathy
JanH

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Posts: 555
 #7 
 Dear Cathy,
This is just so very sad, what a terrible thing to have happened to a sweet little dog. Don't go over too many 'what ifs and if onlys'. Life is full of what ifs and if onlys. We cannot be with our beloved pets continuously, terrible things happen to the nicest people and their so loved pets.  Right now the scene will play over and over in your head like an endless movie.  The horror will fade in time and the movie will gradually be replaced with happier memories of a dear little doggie who even wagged his tail as he slept, how lovely that thought is - what a lovely memory. We all know that there are things and times in life where we are simply helpless, helpless even to help those we love and hold so dearly.
Those sudden overwhelming bouts of grief are good, they come and sometimes at the most unexpected moment, just allow it to happen, grief and sorrow need to be expressed. It was a terrible thing that happened.
Keep coming to Petloss, there is so much support here, keep writing and reading and know you are amongst friends here who may not have had the same type of loss, but we all share a common love of animals and compassion for those who have lost and are grieving for the loss of a beloved pet. 
JanH...across the water
Mare

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Posts: 11,059
 #8 
Dear Cathy,

I am so sorry to learn of Creamer's death.  Your story sends chills down my spine. Coyotes are such mean creatures!  I don't understand why things like this have to happen.  I know you and your husband are very upset over your loss and my heart breaks for both of you.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. 

Mare
precious Christoph ~ 2 years at the bridge ~

LemonTea

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Posts: 29
 #9 

Hi Beautiful Baby

I am so so very sorry for the loss of your wonderful Creamer.How horrific and traumatising.

I want to say thank you very much for the kindness you have shown me when you are in such a horrific situation.

The anxiety you are feeling is understandable and appropriate to what has happened.It's such a loss of control and I empathise with the 'What if's etc etc ' It;s so hard so very hard to bear.
I can also relate to the feeling of wanting them to appear, it is what we want the most in the world and we would do ANYTHING for it
.My partner told me that it was magical thinking when he saw that I left my babe some food out in his bowl after he had died.I was planning to count the buiscuits every single one to see if any had been eaten in the night or when I was out.Sadly he was right.
    
 The Pet Bereavement counselor said to me 'If you had a crystal ball and could see what was going to happen then you would have done EVERYTHING in your power to make sure that wasn't going to.' And she is right.

It's like we are pinching ourselves really hard when we are already in excruciating agony
But we didn't do what happened to them.Yes me too it is so horrid to imagine what state they were in.
The unknown can be so difficult to hold.

I hope you are able to find some comfort whilst experiencing the terrible space you are in.
Be as kind as you can to yourself because you deserve it. You are a good person and you did the best you could at the time with the information you had available to you

Sending love and light and comfort to you
KT





Ruffian01278

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #10 
Hi. I don't know if you still come on here or if it has been too long but reading your words was like reading something I wrote. I saw a coyote chasing my pup Woodrow and on horseback I chased him off. The coyote paused and I chased him again and when he ran off he dipped down and I saw My sweet little man's body on the ground. The coyote picked him up and tho I chased him screaming he wasn't afraid and ducked under a fence. I climbed over and tried to chase him but I couldn't find him. 5 of u scoured the riverbed for hours never found anything. 3 days later I can't get out of bed and I can't stop the tears. The replay continues, the what ifs and the never ending guilt. I feel like I would feel better if I had his body to take care of, if I could have kissed and hugged him one more time. I didn't even give him any love that morning. Just out of bed and in the car to go to the farm. How did you get thru it? How do you wake up and not cry? When does your heart cease hurting?
PhineasJameson

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #11 
Hello. I don't know if any of you still check this thread, but I would like to share my story as well.  This really hits home because my loving cat, Phineas, was also only 5 years old and taken by a coyote.  He was so young and in perfect health.  He loved going outside and there was no stopping him from doing that.  We had just started leash training him, because we heard of coyotes about 5 miles from where we live.  I was out nannying, and my husband let him out at night like we normally do.  He didn't come back within an hour like normal, and he knew something was amiss.  He searched off and on through the night, and then I came to help with the kids I watch the next day.  One of the girls was the one that actually found him, luckily she didn't get too close though.  He was almost ripped apart and it was one of the hardest moments of my life.  I wanted so much to place him back together and have him whole again.  It was a surreal out of body experience that my husband had to snap me out of after he made sure the girls were out of the way.  He was the most loyal cat, and would follow us anywhere, even outside for miles.  He loved dogs, and that may have been a problem as he was trusting to them.  I want so much to go back in time and listen to the warnings of coyotes more.  I feel greatly responsible and am having a hard time coping with his death.  He was there when my husband and I met, and through our entire relationship so far.  So we feel as if a part of us is missing as well.  I know there was no stopping our cat from going outside, that is where he was truly happy.  I just wish we had been more firm with our leash training, but I know that is useless now.  I wish so much to have him, and I too keep waking thinking he will be there.  He would wake me up every morning by nudging my head and purring loudly.  Knowing that I will never hear, touch, or hold him again is breaking my heart.  If any of you see this, please let me know the best ways to grieve by losing a pet by coyote.  It is so different than other pet deaths.  It is so unexpected and horrifying.  He didn't deserve such a cruel death, and I feel horrible as a protector for not keeping him safe.  My husband and I would love any advice, as we have no kids yet or other pets.  He felt like our child, and we developed a very strong and special bond that I know will be different than any other animal.  Just reading that others went through the same experience has helped some, but I'd love to know how to help the healing process.  I know if he were alive, he would only try to make us feel better, and that is what I want to try to do.  I also understand now that I am lucky to have found his body.  We are having him cremated, and I am more comforted in the fact that we can have that, as it is rare to find the body afterward. Thank you.
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #12 
First I want to say that I am very sorry for your loss. It's hard losing any fur baby. It doesn't matter the circumstances that the loss is incurred it just plan hurts. The heart ache is unbearable. We try to protect them but sometimes things just happen for no reason. Please be assured that your baby's spirit is all around you. He has only left his physical body but his spirit remains with you all the time. I have proof that they never leave us. When I let me Sweet Termy go last September I was totally devastated and couldn't function and didn't want to go on with out him but I had a spiritual reading and Termy came through. He is still here in spirit taking care of me. I was told things that one would only know if you knew Termy. So I believe.
Please find comfort that Phineas has never truly left you. The love you shared will live on forever.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
williamsmom

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #13 
First of all I offer all of you my condolences. It is hard to find any consolation during such a loss but reading all of your stories and the pain and grief you are all experiencing makes me feel a bit less alone.

Two weeks ago we lost our beloved Hymalean 14/15 year old cat William. He was sitting on our porch while we were home, which was the great joy of his life in summer, and poof he was gone. In hindsight, he was probably stressed because we had several workmen coming in and out to install a new stove, and he must have wandered to the side or back yard which abuts the woods. He normally never left the porch or walkway but clearly he did that day, and the thought that he could be grabbed by a coyote on such a beautiful summer day while we were home breaks my heart.

Many of you write of the guilt and remorse of felling like you failed to protect them, and I’m consumed with this along with the horror of what he must have experienced during his last seconds/ moments. He was the life of house and was truly our baby, and after a rough start in life before we adopted him I got so much happiness in taking care of him. The grief is so crippling and it’s hard to not feel sad and full of remorse all the time. The only consolation I can find is that out of all of the cats we have/had, he truly was among the happiest every single minute of the 8 years we had him.,

I know there’s no magic bullet in healing from such a painful loss, and never having found his little body or knowing for certain when/ where he was taken only makes it worse. But I needed to talk to a group of people who understand and have been through it.

Any wisdom or advice you have is much appreciated.
PhineasJameson

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #14 
Hello, I am so sorry for your loss.  It really is quite terrible losing your baby this way.  It has been happening all over where I live, and it is a horrible thing.  I lost my baby in June this year.  He was indoor/outdoor as well, and we never thought he was in danger.  We were fortunate enough to find his remains and identify him, but it was gruesome and traumatizing as an image.  I have a few things to say that will hopefully give you some comfort.  
First, I wanted to say that coyotes are predators, which makes them very precise killers.  It is actually not as horrifying as we all imagine.  They first attack the back of the neck, and kill the animal very quickly before anything else.  They are not like dogs that just blindly attack, but good at what they do. Also, usually the animal is caught by surprise and goes into shock. In this shock, the animal doesn't feel pain.  So, usually with coyotes it is actually quite painless and quick.  That was very comforting to me because the sight of our cat was not pretty.  It made me feel better it was not as terrible as it appeared.  He probably didn't even know what was happening. 
Second, it is important to remember we always did the best we could for our pets.  We cannot predict the future.  We care for our pets the best way we know how.  I will no longer have outdoor pets though because 5 years is not long enough to me in exchange of the happiness of being free.  Indoor pets do not know any different, and just as happy.  They also live 15-20 years in comparison to 2-5 years for indoor/outdoor cats. 
Third, I would say that your cat loved you and it's life.  It was happy and did not know any difference while they were with you.  I would say it is important to write a long list of all of the little quirks your cat William had.  In a few months, you will not be able to rmember everything, so its important to write down memories to properly honor the pets in my opinion.  In our case, our cat Phineas was intelligent and loyal.  I used to live downtown and have a different parking spot every day.  No matter where I parked (even a block or two away), he would find my car and greet me outside my car door.  It was crazy and I was always amazed at his skills.  Also, to help remember him, I made a lot of photo gifts.  I made a pillow with his picture as well as a magnet, so that he is still a part of our house. 
Fourth, time is key.  The first week was the worst, the second one not much better.  After a month, I was not as devasted as I was at first.  I was still tremendously sad and missed him all the time.  By two months, I was able to finally start feeling a little normal.  I just married my husband not even 2 months before our cat passed.  We weren't really able to enjoy that high.  After two months though, we were able to finally feel joy for our marriage again. Now it has been almost 3 and I still miss him, but it is different.  I go out to where we found him at least 3 times a week and just say hi.  However, I am able to go on in my day without thinking about him non-stop.  
Last, I would say to get new pets.  This is not to replace them, as you never can. It is simply to allow your heart to fall in love again and realize that life goes on.  There are always pets that need love.  If you have a perfectly good home for them, it will make a new pet happy.  We just adopted two Siamese kittens.  They are the best!  Siamese are very doglike and people-oriented.  We have had them fora few weeks now and feel happy again.  They have completely different personalities than our Phineas. We are already in love with them! It really does make your heart happy again!
So, I know this is long, but it is the advice I would give because it is what helped my husband and I.  I wish you the best.
williamsmom

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #15 
Dear Phineasjameson,
I thank you so deeply for you taking the time to write this reply to me. I was in such a deep dark sad place and your words gave me so much comfort. You are a kind soul.

Your description of the timeline of grief have me hope that our sadness will not be forever. I keep reminding myself that Williams death was one moment, and should not define or overshadow his happy and fulfilling life nor the memories we have of him. It’s been almost a month and I have to say, it has gotten quite a bit easier to bear, despite still seeming surreal at times and incredibly sad at others.

It was comforting to know how expert coyotes are as well how quickly they kill their victims. As horrible as it is to know your beloved family member died this way, to know it was over before they hopefully knew what hit them does offer some consolation. I’ve been obsessed with spotting this horrible creature and dreaming of revenge, all in vain of course, and I finally spotted him on our outdoor camera in the wake of some wild turkeys. He was enormous, and looked part wolf almost, but somehow it gave me some closure, as angry as I still sometimes feel. I will never in my life let a cat outside again. As you said, it’s just not worth it, and our 4 others will live a safe life watching the outdoor workd from our windows and sliders.

I love the idea of writing down all of Williams quirks and special traits. He meant the world to me, and I never want to forget anything about that guy. I’m lucky to have so many photos of his sweet grey and white puffy face, as well as a few videos. I’m trying to focus on how grateful I am for every day we had that beautiful boy with us.

It’s been a difficult few weeks and just when things got a bit easier, my grandmother caught pneumonia and since our mother passed, I am sitting with her now in her last hours. Life is not easy, and some years really put you to the test as 2018 has for us, but I’m trying to stay strong and keep compassion in my heart.

And yes, I definitely want to open our hearts up and rescue another kitty. It always helps, and there are so many out there who need loving homes.

Thank you again, friend. Your words really helped me more than you know. Xo
PhineasJameson

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #16 
I am happy to have helped.  I am wishing you the best! 😉
Cherr

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #17 
Dear Williamsmom, 

I have to say you said something so beautiful that may help my grieving process.(My sweet beagle was attacked and killed by a dog at a dog park. You said.....

Your description of the timeline of grief have me hope that our sadness will not be forever. I keep reminding myself that Williams death was one moment, and should not define or overshadow his happy and fulfilling life nor the memories we have of him. It’s been almost a month and I have to say, it has gotten quite a bit easier to bear, despite still seeming surreal at times and incredibly sad at others."

That meant the world to me. I have to remember that Piper's sad, traumatic death was that and that alone. It does not dictate the many years of love and joy she received from me. I know she had many years of happiness. Thank you for that reminder. May peace come over you in a time of grief. 
williamsmom

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #18 
Dear Cherr,
I am so glad if I helped in some small way. Losing your dog that way, in front of you, must have been awful. You took him to a happy place and never expect something like that to happen. I am so sorry for your loss and can feel the pain you are feeling. Hopefully time eases your pain as the happy memories shine through.

It came to me one day that I had been obsessing about William’s last moments, truly obsessing, and that moment was over and when I looked back over his life from a wider angle, there was so much more... He was truly the happiest of cats and the king of the house, and each of those joyful moments was more valuable than his last. The end is over, and there’s nothing I can d about it, and I’m trying to focus on his life more than last moments.

I wish you well in healing- no doubt your sweet beagle lived a life full of love and joy, so try to remind yourself of that and be kind to yourself.

Xo
Cherr

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #19 
Dear Williamsmom, 

Thank you again, you message made me cry but in a good way bc I need to remember that about Piper. I was doing the same thing lately, obsessing and only thinking about how much she suffered at the end. She didn't deserved what happened to her, not this way. She was the sweetest, best dog anyone can ask for. She simply loved everyone so much. I feel it is too soon to start looking at pictures of her and now when I do think about how happy she was I still get so sad bc I know she should still be here with me. She was only 8 years old, we were robbed of at least 3-4 more years together. Your words are so kind and well spoken.      Thank you again!
JennMcGill

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #20 
I am so glad to have found this site this evening. My cat has been missing 11 days. I live in an area with coyotes and I am becoming convinced he was taken this way. I have no proof but I have nothing to go on. Nothing. I have done everything one can do to try and locate their cat. I feel tremendous guilt because I let him out and when it was time to come in I couldn't find him. I went out a few more times to try and find him- no luck. At 3 am I was awoken by a neighbor's dog barking constantly so, I got myself up thinking it was my cat driving them crazy. He did not appear so, I went back in and still he did not come home. I let me guard down and now he is gone. I have been crying everyday, not eating, loss of sleep. I miss him. Despite having his siblings keeping me company, I am grief stricken. I sleep with the door slightly open hoping he will show his little face. I have never lost a pet this way. People try to give me hope with all the miraculous cat stories but my gut says he is gone. I don't believe he would stay away from me this long, just because. I knew better and here I am without him. This has been truly painful and now I want to leave where I live so my cats can enjoy the outdoors. I had catteries built a day ago for the others. I will never let them roam again no matter the time of day as long as we are here. I really hope it was fast and painless. I haven't found any remnant of him but much of what I have read says you will not. I wish I could hold him again, I wish this wasn't true. Thank you for reading and offering support. 
williamsmom

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #21 
Dear Cherr,
I totally and completely relate- it is SO hard to look at pictures without getting a stab of pain in your heart that they’re not with you. The other night I was crying after looking at his pictures.

Everything around our house is a reminder- his favorite places to lounge around, breakfast and dinner time when the other cats come running, and how he used to greet me every morning by looking up at me with his sweet little Hymalean face and following me around as I made coffee. He meant so much to me...

It is possible to heal, but there are many sad moments and bad days along the way, and even when you do heal it’s never gone. Please know you are not alone. So many other people have had similar losses and feel the same way. You did everything you could to care for her and give her the best life possible. Sometimes fate or bad luck intervenes and we are powerless. Just try to remind yourself what a happy life she had and how lucky she was in the grand scheme of things compared to all the stray and starving animals around the world. She is at peace and doesn’t know about the time she is missing, and for every day of her 8 years she was surrounded by your love. ❤️
williamsmom

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #22 
Dear JennMcgill
I hope by this time your baby has returned, but if not I offer my condolences and deep sympathy. From my experience, it sounds like your kitty was most likely taken by a coyote that night when your neighbor’s dog was barking. Our William was taken in broad day light and without a sound or trace. After speaking to a lost pet K9 expert and doing a lot of reading, it seems like this is fairly common occurrence, even sometimes in daylight. Coyotes are so stealthy and quick that pets can often be taken before they even see the coyote. It is heartbreaking, and I sadly know what you are going through.

If you read my posts and Phineasjames post to me, you might find some words of comfort once you are past the worst of this. The not knowing is truly the worst part, along with the early realization that your beloved pet is gone.

Try to go easy on yourself and not beat yourself up as you are going through enough without the guilt. Easier said than done, I know, but try to spend your energy loving you other guys. You truly loved you sweet boy and no doubt he lived a happy and joyful like until the end, which is mercifully supposed to be a quick one.

Thinking of you and sending healing vibes.
JennMcGill

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #23 
Dear Williamsmom, 

Thank you for offering support. No, he has not returned. I have done just about everything a
human can do. I am heartbroken. Tonight is the first night I haven't been out searching, posting, etc. 

Otto was loved and he did have a good life albeit short. I have read your post and I am trying to remain calm and move into acceptance. My others I have not let outside again at all unless in their cattery/ catio. They are giving me some comfort but I sure miss my beloved boy.

I wish things were different but it will not be so. I have read your post and I hope he's being loved and cared for by those who have gone on. I know my life will never be the same without him. 

Again, thank you.

Jenn
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