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Benniesmom

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #1 
I loved you from the first day I saw you. A tiny little thing crossing the street with an empty peanut bag, your prized possession, almost becoming road kill. I swerved my car around got out and swooped you up. You were none too happy. I had just taken away your freedom. You were only 5 months old.

What a gift from heaven you have been. You have blessed our lives in so many ways. You have brought so much joy into our lives with your cute and distinctive personality.

In January you and I were both diagnosed with cancer - you lymphoma and me breast. I kept praying that the vet would say it was the B-cell and not the deadly T-cell lymphoma, but it had to be the T-cell. I cried and prayed and asked God to give your illness to me - I am bigger and stronger and can fight it, but once again he didn't hear me.

You are now at the end of your journey and I just can't seem to let you go my little Bennie, my baby boy. I can't even begin to imagine my life without you. You have been a part of it for 8 years. Losing you will be like losing my child - because that is what you are. My child. You are the purity and innocence and unselfish love of a child.

I will miss playing blanket monster, giving you massages, taking you out for ice cream and car rides, taking you to the park, your smelly feet and puchi breath, how you smile when you go for walks and to the park, how you run up to me like I am the most important person in the world to you, I will miss traveling in the RV with you, that is why we bought it. So that we would be able to go on vacations together; I will miss your sleeping at the foot of the bed and on cold nights your crawling under the blankies; I will miss giving you bonie bones and chicken strips - how you love those.

I am doing this now even though you are still here because I am in such pain over having to make this horrible decision. The vet wants to try one more medication, but you haven't responded to any so far. So what dear God shall I do with this beautiful campanion of mine that I love more than life itself - my best friend!

I have been so blessed to have had you in my life for 8 years and I thank God for that. You are a little angel sent down from heaven for a short while and now God beckons you back. How cruel. God will have him and all I will have are the beautiful memories, but no warm Bennie to hug and kiss and snuggle up to.

What to do?

My beautiful baby boy.

NinaMariasMom

Registered:
Posts: 567
 #2 
Benniesmom,

I am so, so sorry for what you are going through.  It's the hardest decision we have to make.  Even though it hurts us so deeply we can't describe it, we have to do what is best for our babies.    I can tell you love Bennie deeply and know how difficult this is for you.   You are so right, God sent us angels and eventually calls them back before we are ready.  But I believe we are blessed and better people for having them in our lives, no matter how long.  My heart goes out to you during this time.  

You and Bennie will be in my prayers,
Nina Maria's Mom
milda

Registered:
Posts: 20
 #3 
I feel your sadness.  Know that you are not alone in your grief.

It's such a hardship to loose a family member.  That's what they truly are.

You'll feel that sadness but one day, out of the blue, some wonderful quirky thing your little one did will bring such a sense of warmth and joy to your heart.  You'll forever miss them, but once they've become a part of your heart, they'll remain there forever and ever.

"Remember me with sadness if you must, for a while, but only for a little while.  Because I'd rather be remembered with tears of joy."

Your baby knows you love them still, believe that.

rupertsmum

Registered:
Posts: 820
 #4 
Hi Bennies Mum

Enjoy every day even though you are sad there will be plenty of time for tears and sadness later.  Take lots of photos, do all the things you need to do together.  I have had photos enlarged and later I will get a painting done of my Rupert.  I had two weeks with my Rupert to do those things and I appreciated it. Sudden death doesn't give you that.  You will still be sad but know in your heart you will make the right decision.  It is the hardest decision of your life.  I did it 16 weeks ago with my Rupert and it still pains and saddens me. I lost my best friend and companion. Someone has to be the brave one and all is not lost yet.  The last medication might work.

Bennie was given to you as a loan from above and unfortunately the time period is up.  He came to help you in your life and now you both are sick.  You will help each other to get through this.

Wishing you both well
Rupert Mum 
mykittygirl

Registered:
Posts: 881
 #5 
What a wonderful story the two of you share from that fateful moment when Bennie crossed your path. I know your pain and it's the worst one can possibly feel and there's no words that will ease it.

Make the most of every single moment with him. My Cicio was diagnosed with a heart tumor and was given weeks to live. She too was so important to my life and I couldn't imagine how I would ever get through the heartbreak when she would be leaving me.

This I know..because I would do it all over again...to have had that precious time with her.....the joy of knowing her was greater than the pain of losing her.

Sending you many many hugs....you will know when it's time and the strength will be there because your love is greater.

Donna
dogrispamela

Registered:
Posts: 558
 #6 

I too am so struck by the way that Bennie came into your life.  Truly you were destined to become soulmates.  Definitely take as many pictures as you can.  When we knew that we had to send our Golda to the bridge, we took many pictures.  Look into Bennies eyes and you will know when it is time.  I'm sending many thoughts and prayers though, that it is not yet time.  Huge hugs, Golda's Mom

RustysMom

Registered:
Posts: 1,015
 #7 

Oh dear Benniesmom –

 

I saw your posting and my heart just broke. To be dealt two such heart wrenching, life changing, difficult blows.  These angels, that really are given to us “on loan,” are sadly, all too soon, called back home.  Your selflessness and love for your baby is so evident. Your Bennie knows that you will take care of him, just as you always have. You’ll love him, give him his massages and his favorite ice cream. You’ll be his best friend today, tomorrow and for the rest of his days. Please know you’re not alone in your anguish. All of us here at petloss understand the sadness and pain. Please keep us posted.

 

I’d like to also thank you so very much for taking the time to say a prayer for me and my family. It touches my heart that strangers, who are going through their own profound pain, can reach out to comfort others.

 

Many warm hugs of strength Benniesmom.

 

Rusty’s Mom.

Benniesmom

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #8 
To Rusty's mom

Thank you so much for taking the time to express your heartfelt support for me and my Bennie. I understand your grief at having lost a mom, I lost mine 4 years ago and have never gotten over it. She was my best friend. I have some comfort in knowing that when my beautiful passes, she will be there waiting for him with open arms.

I, too, had a Rusty in my life. He was part pomeranian and a true love. I lost him many years ago to diabetes.

I hope your day is brighter today and that there will be many more.

PS: My baby boy is doing better today. It seems the chemo helped a little, but I know that his time with me is very short.

God bless you.

Benniesmom

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #9 
Thanks to everyone for your heartfelt support and prayers. I am so glad that I found this site, it helps so much to be able to have a place to express one's pain and anguish.

Thank you all for your prayers and responses.

Benniesmom Maria


Gruntsmomforever

Registered:
Posts: 699
 #10 
Dear Bennie's Mom,

My heart goes out to you, and I say prayers for you and your little boy, Bennie.  Every day is a blessing when you have the beautiful companionship of an angel on earth, your Bennie.  I hope you will have good days with him making memories, and just being with him, loving him.

Hugs,
Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever
CornetMan

Registered:
Posts: 11
 #11 
Just be with him. Play with him and let him know you love him. That is all you can do now.

I will be praying for both of you.

David
goldenboysmom

Registered:
Posts: 1,001
 #12 
Dear Benniesmom,
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. Your heart felt words about your precious one can be felt deeply by all who read about the life you share. with your most cherished boy~ You have been through much sadness but through it all your dear heart is bringing comfort to your sweet boy and he knows the Love you have for him because he knows your heart and all the love that you have for him.
You have come to a good place here at Petloss because the kindness of all these loving people will help you through the good days and the difficult ones..
I pray you & your boy have more time together to share .
Thank you for taking the time through your own pain to respond to my post about Max's birthday.because I know you are going through so much but you are not alone and this board is like a balm for the heart. I don't know where I would be without this board and the loving friends I found here.
Peace to you
Max's mom Jo


mollyboltsmom

Registered:
Posts: 991
 #13 
What a love affair you and Bennie have had! How lucky each of us here have been to have known that kind of love.
My prayers are with you as your time with your precious Bennie winds down.
L
Benniesmom

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #14 
My beautiful boy is gone. We let him go today. He was suffering so.

I sat in my car and screamed at the top of my lungs and cried, and still cry.

Good bye my precious angel. Thank you so much for being a part of my life. Thank you so much for all the joy and laughter you brought us. You were such a good boy. I wish I had forever with you, but of course that is not possible. I hope you didn't suffer because of my selfishness in trying to keep you around just one more day.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear Bennie how much I love you, so please don't take my sunshine away.

Song by Bread: I would give everything I own, give up my life, my heart, my home, I would give everything I own just to have you back again, just to touch you once again.

These songs say it all my beautiful boy. I will love you and think of you all the days of my life.

I will see you again, I promise.

The house is so empty without you. WE MISS YOU SO!

I love you baby boy.

MOLLYSMUM

Registered:
Posts: 38
 #15 

Dearest Benniesmom;  Words are hard to find after reading of the passing of your Angel Bennie to the Light at the Bridge, Iam so so sorry for your loss, my heart is breaking while I cry with you!!!and the beautifull words you write of your times together!!!You are a wonderfull Mom and you and Bennie share your greatest Treasure The Love you have for each other !!!!  You are in my Prayers and thoughts!!! Love Marion- MOLLYSMUM.

WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #16 
Dear Maria,

I am crying so hard right now I can barely type through my tears.  I am so sorry you have had to say farewell to your beloved child, Bennie.   He is such a beautiful boy.   There is just no pain like this.   So, if you need to scream, go ahead and scream.   That is what I did after I had to put my beloved little Betsy to sleep in January.   I got in my car and I screamed out her name.  Like a crazy woman, I even rolled down the window and screamed it, like I thought she might hear me and come running to me.

My best friends lost their beloved Golden, Libby, at the age of seven to  dreadful lymphoma.   It robbed them blind.    

Bennie reminds me so much of Betsy.  They have the same coloring.   I have a little slideshow of her posted.   It took me four months to be able to do something like that, because I would break down every time I tried to pull her photos together.

I am so sorry you didn't have more time with your boy.  When they are taken so young, we are cheated.   I guess God must have had BIG PLANS for him at the Bridge.   I know that is not much comfort to you now.   I am posting a picture of Betsy here so you can see one of the little sweeties who greeted him the moment she saw him cross the threshold.   She yodeled her precious "WooWooWoo" at him and now they are fast friends.

Hugs and prayers,

Melissa
Betsy's forever mom

Betsy, be a good girl and watch over Bennie
for his mom.  She loves and misses him so.

goldenboysmom

Registered:
Posts: 1,001
 #17 
Oh I am so so sorry that Bennie had to go on to the Bridge but you did all you could for him and he knows that. The time here on earth is so brief with them and we want more time and it is never long enough but you will have forever when it is the time for you to be with him again. Until then, he will be guiding your every footstep and you will feel his love with you always.
Peace to you,
Max's mom Jo

Gruntsmomforever

Registered:
Posts: 699
 #18 
Dear Maria,

I am so sorry.  I know there are no words that will comfort you, or can take away the pain that is beyond excruciating and the sadness that is so unbearably heavy on your heart.  Tears are shed here and a heart aches for you - I know the immense loss you are suffering.  I'm so sorry.

Dearest Little Bennie, you are free from all the hurting now.  Rest in peace, sweet little boy.

Love,
Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever  
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