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Scott615

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Posts: 19
 #1 
We lost Buck yesterday. He was a big dog and around 12 or 13. I’m so sad without him. I know that he knew he was loved and I know he had a great life but I can’t shake the horrible sense of guilt and grief. I can’t stop thinking about the “what if’s and the should haves.” I don’t know if I can live without him or even If I want too. I’m so sad, I can’t stop crying. Please pray for me.
Scott615

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Posts: 19
 #2 
Buck, I’m so sorry if I failed you, if you didn’t feel my love every second of every day. I did love you and tried to show you. I regret when I would walk by you and just pat your head instead of huggomg you and spend time with you. I regret spending time with our other dogs, I hope you didn’t think I chose them over you. You and Foosa are just so different. You were so big and he was so small. It was easy to hold him. I’m so sorry when he would become aggressive towards you. You were so sweet, you would let him scare you off. I should have not allowed it, I’m so sorry. I miss you. I’m so sad and depressed without you. Please know that you were so loved and cherished. When we would take trips we always had Gma stay with you or I wouldn’t go, all so you wouldn’t be alone. We never put you second behind guests. You were so protective of your family that we couldn’t have people over with you in the house, but we were ok with that and never picked them over you. We had often said, “This is Bucks house” meaning you came first. I don’t regret letting you go, I knew it was your time and holding on to you any longer would have been selfish, not what was best for you. I know you had a great life, in a home that loved you, lots of food and treats and warm places to sleep. I just miss you and while it didn’t occur to me back then, wish I had spent more time with you. Please know how much we all loved you and how sad I am without you. I love and miss you, buddy.
Scott615

Registered:
Posts: 19
 #3 
Buck, I’m so sorry if I failed you, if you didn’t feel my love every second of every day. I did love you and tried to show you. I regret when I would walk by you and just pat your head instead of huggomg you and spend time with you. I regret spending time with our other dogs, I hope you didn’t think I chose them over you. You and Foosa are just so different. You were so big and he was so small. It was easy to hold him. I’m so sorry when he would become aggressive towards you. You were so sweet, you would let him scare you off. I should have not allowed it, I’m so sorry. I miss you. I’m so sad and depressed without you. Please know that you were so loved and cherished. When we would take trips we always had Gma stay with you or I wouldn’t go, all so you wouldn’t be alone. We never put you second behind guests. You were so protective of your family that we couldn’t have people over with you in the house, but we were ok with that and never picked them over you. We had often said, “This is Bucks house” meaning you came first. I don’t regret letting you go, I knew it was your time and holding on to you any longer would have been selfish, not what was best for you. I know you had a great life, in a home that loved you, lots of food and treats and warm places to sleep. I just miss you and while it didn’t occur to me back then, wish I had spent more time with you. Please know how much we all loved you and how sad I am without you. I love and miss you, buddy.
Scott615

Registered:
Posts: 19
 #4 
Hi Buck, I love and miss you buddy! I thought i saw you the other morning. You were standing where you usually stand, just waiting for me. It was only for a split second, but I felt so strongly that I saw you. I told Christy and she thinks I absolutely saw you! She believes with all her heart that we will see quick glimpses of you. You know, you have heard it a hundred times, you are the best dog ever! I have always loved your face, since the first moment I saw you. I don’t know what kind of live you had before we got you at the pound, but I know you had a great life with us. You never were chained up, you never slept outside (unless it was in a tent with me and my son Chase) and you were almost never left alone for more than a few hours. When we took vacations we had Gma come to the house to stay with you. Some times I would not even go, I’d send Christy and the boys and stay home with you. I was not perfect, I know this. I am only human and mess up. I yelled at you a few times and for this i’m truly sorry. Those were mostly my issues, not yours. Although, we both know your chewing your leg and licking it wasn’t good and also annoying. I so wish I had been a better friend to you. It eats me up inside. I wish I hung out with you more but I was so wrapped up in stupid other selfish things. I vow to you boy, I will try to never make that mistake again. I know I won’t be able to make it up to you until I see you again in heaven, but I can try to be a better person and that could be just another part of your legacy. I know some of my guilt is irrational. I know you had a great life and were loved. I know you know it too. I just so wish I had been more aware and loved on you even more. Please come visit me when you can. Christy and I will be on the look out for you. Thank you so much, boy. You gave us so much joy and love. What an incredible, special dog, we say it all the time, always have. Can’t wait to see you again!
Scott615

Registered:
Posts: 19
 #5 
Good morning Buck. I love you buddy. I know I told you that a lot, but I’m sure you never got tired of hearing it. Sugar bear, that moth was back again last night! Christy and I were in our room, Chase was there also, when we saw it fly in and land on the ac vent, high up on the wall. I looked at Christy, I knew it was you again looked out over us, protecting us, like you always did. You were happy just hanging out with us weren’t you! You were happy and content just to be around us. Momma said most times that see would try to cuddle with you or get in your face for a kiss, you would turn and walk away! I laughed. I would do that to you to, but I think you would tolerate it alittle more when I did it. You were my boy, Sugar bear!

I miss you buddy, The world is less special without you in it. The sky is less bright. I can’t wait til I can see you again in heaven. I don’t have to tell you to be a good boy, you always were.
JackieTeller

Registered:
Posts: 167
 #6 
Hi Scott, 

I am so sorry for your loss.  Buck sounds like a very special fur baby.  I understand Bonnie, Termy's mom, invited you to join our little group under Miss B.  I loss my furbaby, Rosie, 10 1/2 months ago.  She was a Jack Russell my son had found in northern CA when he was in college.  I had Rose for over 14 years.  I don't know how old she was when he found her.  She passed from heart failure.  When her heart broke, so did mine.  I still cry alot over her and miss her so much but I know God called her home.  It was her time to go, my sweet, sweet Rosie.  

Please know you are not alone.  We all have our regrets and I certainly have mine but I did the best I could for Rosie as I'm sure you did for Buck.

Jackie in Seattle
Mommy to Rosie, LuLu, KitKat and Blossom
Scott615

Registered:
Posts: 19
 #7 
Hi Jackie,

Thank you for the message. I appreciate it. I have been reading a book on grief and loss, it helps to know I'm not alone and the feelings I'm having are not unusual.

Buck was an incredible dog! He was a protector when I was away for work, and a greeter when I got home. We all miss him everyday, but slowly the pain of losing him is being replaced by the joy of being lucky enough just to have known him and had him in our lives.
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