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Posts: 11
My heart is shattered and i don't know if it will ever heal. My beloved 11 yr old dog Griffen got out of our gate , walked to the busy road near our house, got hit by a car, and later died. This was on Christmas Even while I was driving six hours away to see my family. My husband stayed home. I wasn't there for him and it kills me. I wanted to be right beside him as he died of old age. Not like this! I see his toys and things around the house, remembering everything he did, how he followed me around and would lick my feet. He loved doing that. I can't bare the thought of not ever seeing him again. He was my best friend and my comfort as I am going through an extremely hard time in my personal life and now he is gone.... I am also going through issues with my marriage and emotional neglect. My husband is all about himself and his grieving. He doesn't care about me. I have two kids and two other dogs I love, and my mom who I know would be destroyed if I was gone but part of me just doesn't want to live anymore. My beautiful boy is gone. How can I go on? How can I go on knowing I wasn't there for his last moments and he was surrounded by strangers?

Posts: 1,191

Dear LovemyGriffen,

So very sorry to read of the loss of your precious Griffen.  Thank you for responding to my post about Katey.  It seems the message boards miraculously put those of us in touch with each other who have suffered a similar type of loss.

You have a life worth living, and with our help, you will get through this loss, but it will take time, perhaps a very long time.

When My Ceci Girl was dying from a brain tumor in August 2008, my sister stopped by with food, and I, too, told her that I wanted to die.  But luckily, I found these message boards, and they truly were my saving grace.

I will write more later when I am back online.

For now, please know that others do share you pain, and we are here to help you heal.

Take good care,




Posts: 11
The pain is still too much. I was cleaning out my purse just now. I have receipts from stores from just days before he was killed. It makes me so sad knowing he was still alive and that I didn't know he would be gone just a few days later. I miss him so much.

Posts: 21
Hi LovemyGriffen,

I am so sorry for your loss, my Peety died 34 days ago now at the vet hospital, in ICU for pneumonia - he was in there for almost 4 days and we visited, twice a day, but most of those hours he was alone with people who did not love him. A vet, who did not know him at all, tried a feeding tube on the last day and Peety died of complications of that, basically choking to death. It kills me to even think what his last hours were, alone there - we got there for an evening visit after he was already gone... we didn't know until we got there. I thought he would be coming home soon, he was getting better.

Anyway - he loved to lick my feet as well, he was a mother hen and groomed all of us. We have 2 other dogs, one is his real half-brother and Peety cleaned him up every day. Also, I have done the exact same with the receipts, I set aside all the ones I have found for those days he was in the ICU.. times we ate out after visiting, trips to the grocery store etc. Other things affect me the same, I keep thinking, for example, Peety was still alive the last time it snowed here, he was still alive when we bought this new microwave, etc etc etc. 

I miss him so much, I loved him so much and I do not want to have to spend the rest of my days without him in my life. This is just so terribly hard and sad. I know the pain lessens with time, but I think it will be a very long time for me.

Posts: 11
I am so sorry about Peety, Sunspark. It's heartbreaking. Griffen has only been gone for less than two weeks. The pain is still unbearable. I keep thinking I see and hear him. I just hope and pray that our pets are still around somehow and are okay and that one day we will be reunited. I am not as scared of dying now because maybe I will get to reunite with Griffen.
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