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Dustin007

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Posts: 16
 #1 
It has been hardly 4 days since the worst day of my life. My best Bud and Family member Buddy passed away of heat stroke/Heart attack. 

We went on a hike with my wife, 5 year old daughter and a 13 year old border collie mix, and of coarse my best Bud Buddy a 7 year old Golden Lab. The hike took a bit longer than expected because we stopped several times for water, he was not dehydrated but the exercise seemed to be very hard on him, that and the heat was starting to rise as we were just getting off the trail around 1PM I went up ahead with my daughter to get the AC going in the Car for the final 10-15 Minutes while my wife took the dogs, after they didn't return to the parking lot as expected we were alerted the dog stopped walking, I'm pretty sure he had heat stroke and we didn't notice, he walked on until his last steps. 

It was a 2 hour hike that took 3 hours because of the breaks and we walked at my 5 year old's pace. when I got back about 25 minutes after he dropped he looked terrible I picked him up he is about 80lbs and after a long hike I had to put him down again, when I picked him up the second time to make a final push to the car he felt different, he was stiffer and he didn't flop around like he normally would i stopped at a well to cool him off and the cold water wasn't good for him he either died of the heat stroke before or the cold water (shock) after either way its my fault and I can barely stand to exist. I have to go to work tomorrow and I am not sure how I can. for anyone reading this the water should be cool not COLD in either event. Hind sight is 20/20 i am now more aware of what could happen and what should happen in this situation however it is too late for my Buddy Boy.

My wife and another man tried to do CPR on my boy while my 5 year old was watching, I am very grateful for that couple, They tried to help, they gave us a blanket for my boys body, we had to drive 1.5 hours to the vet to drop the body off we were on our first family camping trip, obviously we went home another 3 hours away, this was on the second day of a 4 day trip

Me and my Family are torn and I am so Deeply Saddened by this, I feel so lost and I am not sure how I can move on without him, I feel like I shouldn't have went hiking, or that I shouldn't have walked up ahead, or I shouldn't have put cold water on him, and I should have known what to do. The guilt kills me I can hardly sleep, I have never ending what if thoughts, feelings of emptiness and loneliness, and no interest in anything. I am not sure how I am going to manage to be productive at work. I am truly heart broken and sick to my stomach.

We got Bud when he was about 4 weeks old he was a big suck, he lived on the couch and in the bed, no dog ever knew how to use a pillow like buddy he knew exactly how to get comfortable even stretching out across the pillows at the top of the bed, he was always good for a big hug and he was always happy, we spoiled him and my wife even says that the puppy didn't grow up he just got bigger! He was so gentle with my daughter as she grew from a baby to 5 (actually turns 5 next week) He didn't even like to lay outside with the other dog (Pepper) he always came right in or whined to go in. He would try and put his 80 lb body in a 5 lb hole if it was between me and a hardplace, he loved getting in tight and close, if you wanted a dog for companionship and friendship he was definitely the dog, he was the best it pains me to have failed him so poorly.

I am wondering if anyone out there has had a similar experience like this, I really need to talk to someone, i am really struggling to start putting some pieces of my life back together I have a 5 year old, other pets including a Cat (Dice) whom buddy absolutely loves, he really liked cats including my old Cat Simon who was put down 5 years ago at the age of 12 they were the best of friends when buddy was a pup, my career and of coarse we all have bills to pay, I am a single income earner my wife stays home.

Thanks to anyone who read this

Dustin



sistercat

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #2 
Can't think of much to say. I'm grieving for my own cat at the moment- that's how I found this website. Just hang in there, there are many people who empathize. You did all you could according to the best of your knowledge. One of my previous cats was sick- vet didn't know what was wrong with him. After seeing the vet, he slipped out, never to be seen again. I kept thinking: Could he have recovered if I'd just kept him in? Did he go out there to die, or did he have some kind of accident because he was weak?

Sorry this was a bit incoherent. I just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Sister Cat (yes, I'm really a nun)
Dustin007

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #3 
Thanks for the Reply, not knowing is difficult but you didnt push him out and if you could locate him you would have.

Hope you feel better i had a cat for 12 years i had to put him down he was constipated for almost 2 years he was needing enemas once or twice a year and then he just stopped pooping, i wondered how it could have been different for a year, wondering what if

I finally got a new Cat about 6 months ago, i miss Simon my old cat but i do feel happy when i see his pictures and the life we had, i am hoping the mistakes i made in the past will help  my new cat live longer than 12.

Nighteyes

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #4 

Dustin, thank you for your kind words on my post.

I have read your story, and it left me in tears; it has some common ties with my own. I was hysterical finding my dog, dead from heatstroke, after the fact; I can’t even imagine the pain and panic you must have gone through, having actually been there, seeing your beloved Bud go from walking with you to, only a short time later, dying in front of you. What a terrible, terrible tragedy. I am so sorry.

I know this has been said before, but take it to heart, because it’s so true: it wasn’t your fault. You were taking Bud on an activity I’m sure he loved – a wonderful walk. He was able to be in the fresh air, feel the dirt and grass under his feel, hear you and your family as you walked along. He was hydrated, and you were going an easy pace. He was doing what he loved, surrounded by people he loved. He had the open air around him, and a sky overhead. If he could have had a choice, I am sure that is where he would have rathered be, than in a vet’s room or in a dark room somewhere. Your Bud’s death was a tragedy, one that you never could have predicted - but he was able to die in such a beautiful place, outside, in nature, with you and your family by his side. What I would have given for my own dog to be where yours was, outside and surrounded by such love and beauty.

I don’t know much about how to treat heatstroke, and I haven’t had the courage to look up the proper steps one “should” take but I can say you did the exact thing I would have done, and I think many others would have done; if the dog seems hot, put them in something cooler. I know without any doubt, if I had found my beautiful Kai when he had been breathing at all, I would have rushed him down to the river that runs by our house without any hesitation. I don’t know if that would have made it worse or better. Regardless, you did what you thought would best help; and that’s all any of us can do in the moment.  You were a good, an amazing dog owner – and you loved him. You never intended him any harm. You tried to help him every moment, every second of the way. He may have had an underlying health condition; even if it didn’t happen that particular day, it may have happened another, in a different place, under different circumstances. We will never know. Don’t go down the “what-if” pathway… it is neverending, I should know, and in the end, the past is the past. This is advice I am struggling to follow for myself, but I know it is true. This type of reflection sucks up hours and hours of your time. I can tell you really, truly, deeply loved him: every decision you made reflected that. That is all that matters: you did the absolute best you could do in the moment, and that’s all anyone can do.

You and your family must have been in such, such pain – from watching him collapse, to the CPR, to the drive to the vet – and all during what should have been a fun camping trip! He sounds like such a sweet, kind boy – and very attached to you – a snugglebug! He loved you so much, I can already tell from what little you have said about him – I am sorry he passed away so young. I know your other animals will miss him. That is so cute that he was friends with your cats; what a gentle soul he must have been.

You probably won’t get this until later tonight, or perhaps even tomorrow, but I sincerely hope you are doing ok, and that work, if you have to, is bearable; it must be so hard, when your grief is still so fresh. Is there any way you can take a day or two off, to grieve? That is what I had to do, I simply could not function – thankfully I had a very understanding boss. But I also understand your difficult position of being a single earner, and having a family and animals.

You are going through so many difficult intertwining situations right now. I emphasize with your tragedy with Buddy so much; not to mention the natural business of having a young child and work to balance too in the midst of your grief. Please know I am thinking of you, and of Buddy – if our beautiful pets go to wait for us up above, I know you will see him without a doubt, happy and healthy and ready to snuggle with you again.

Dustin007

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #5 
Night eyes,

Thanks so much for your kind words, i called in sick to work, i let them know i was already off the last few days but simply cant do it.

I feel so empty and sick at what happened I hope I can forgive myself through time, the what ifs are never ending. 


Dustin007

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #6 
It has been almost a week since my best Bud passed, I really wish I didn't walk off ahead at the end and had a chance to walk him off the trail quicker, I really wish we didn't even go for the hike I miss him so much I am feeling so empty, I am not sure how I will make it through work next week but my family needs me too I was off all week last week.

I am feeling a bit less paralyzed however the guilt and loneliness still hurts bad, my boy was in my arms every night nearly and was constantly at our side. he is in almost every photo of my daughter who turns 5 this week.


Princecharming

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #7 
Hi, Dustin. My 12 year old Yorkie passed this morning. He had been sneezing and drooling for about two days, but not anything unusual. He’d always bounce back. This morning his breathing was strange. It was a loud thumping noise EVERYTIME he breath. My husband and I didn’t think much of it. He lied in the bed with us for a few and then got out. Later my husband wakes me and tell me he’s not moving. He had pooped on himself and was cold and stuff. His eyes and mouth were open. I’m completely heart broken. We don’t have any children. Buddy was our only dog. We’ve been crying all day. Idk how to move on. I can’t believe he died on the floor alone. I’m an emotional wreck. I definitely have to attend counseling.
Dustin007

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #8 
Hi

I am so very sorry to hear about your Buddy, My dog was also named Buddy. I was in complete shock, i have been talking to anyone who cares, the what ifs are endless, and there will be guilt and alot of grief, I feel very empty without him and its been one week today.

I cry alot, I let it out. I remember the good times when I can, it hurts so much because we loved them so much and through that we gave them a great home and a great life.

Your boy knows you did nothing wrong, unfortunally things happen which while they may seem to be within our control many things are not. you will need to forgive your self, I hope your husband has people to talk to as well, and you can comfort each other.

I reached out to the local humane society mine had a volunteer council line

I am here if you want to exchange some messages, i have to go to work this week for the first time and i am not looking forward to it i already wasnt happy there.
Dustin007

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #9 
I managed to make it to work, i miss my boy so much. The mornings are the worst, this is when i miss him the most and think about him the most. The house is so quiet without him he was the bigger dog who always moved around depending on what the people were doing.

I miss seeing him out of the corner of my eye, hearing him sneeze, whine for attention or eating. He meant so much to me, he was in my arms every day, he cannot be replaced and i feel this loss very deeply, he was so loving with my daughter, and the cats and like many of our fur babbies he was unique.

I have so many what ifs and regrets surrounding him although i am reminded that he was a very happy dog because of all the things we did right! he was treated like a family member, my baby not just mine but my wife and daughter, he had so much attention and constant love he was otherwise very well taken care off.

i have been thinking alot about him and my life and i think i want to make alot of changes, the first is i believe i will quit my job and take one that i have been looking at for a while. I feel like this experience has changed me or it is changing me and i dont want it to be all bitter and bad. something died in me when he left and im hoping something good will stand in its place.

Dustin


Princecharming

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #10 
Thank you. I just finished crying my eyes out. I have been home alone while my husband is working. I have been at home since April 3 and buddy and I spent so much time together. It’s so hard. When my husband comes home, I just want to cuddle with him and buddy blanket. I haven’t worked out either. Nothing ever stops me from working out. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Buddy left us to soon. Why can’t dogs live as long as humans. He survived two attacks from big dogs. I would always say, “buddy you’re mommies little trooper.” It’s eating me up knowing he died alone on the floor.
sistercat

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #11 
If your 13 y.o. border collie,= and your 5 y.o. child could handle it, and you took several water breaks, maybe Buddy had some kind of unknown pre-existing condition. 
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