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TMom

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #1 

It has been 13 days since my beloved, beautiful golden retriever passed. She was only 10 years old. I continue to cry everyday and the hurt is unbearable.  This came as a complete surprise knocking us for a loop.

Here is our story.  At the beginning of summer our middle baby age 12, also a golden was near death – no eating, no getting up.  We had been going to the vet but they couldn’t seem to figure out what was wrong. Many blood tests, x-rays, ultrasounds and every other test in the book were done on her. Her blood cell count was so very low and dropping. The vet said the next step was blood transfusions. On the advice of a neighbor we went to a vet that just opened up his practice. This vet said her blood count was so low that she probably wouldn’t make it past the next couple days. He told us the blood transfusion was pointless. He also said there was a small chance she had autoimmune hemolytic anemia. While she didn’t have all the symptoms he said let’s start her on prednisone. We took her home and thought this would be the last weekend with her and started bracing ourselves for our loss to come.  Remarkably, she got better. She started eating. Taking her back to the vet, her blood count was improving. To date, she is playing, eating, and just plain enjoying life. She is our treasure.  I cannot say enough about our vet – he is wonderful, very caring and he saved her life.

While she was getting better, Tee our baby started noticeably limping and had a little cough. She has had hip dysplasia since she was one, so we thought her medicine was in need of changing. In February of this year she had to have a toe amputated because of melanoma so that was looked at. The vet ordered a chest x-ray. The bad news is the x-ray came back with her lungs completed covered.  We were told there were two things it might be – cancer or valley fever. We were told the symptoms were pretty similar. He started her on anti-fungal drugs in case it was valley fever and took blood work.  We waited days for the results. When he called back it was not good news. She had cancer that was so advanced there was nothing to do. At this point, she was breathing so hard she couldn’t sleep, she started hiding, she wasn’t eating and she started vomiting blood. This was a shock to everyone. This had come on and within 2 weeks we had to put her down. I can’t believe how fast this developed with no signs – one week she is playing and chasing birds and acting like a puppy, the next she can’t breathe.

The day we had to take her to the vet for the final time was so very hard. Unbelievably, I was in the house getting ready to go and she started barking. I hadn't heard her beautiful voice in a few weeks. I am not sure why that happened. Also, when it was time to go she saw her leash and got excited to go out. Boy, was that hard to see. By the time we got her in the car, she was exhausted but so eager to please. She looked at me with her beautiful eyes and gave me a smile.

I truly have lost my best friend.  The house is so very quiet - she was the noisy one, the fun one, the one that was always ready to go and play. She made noises when she wanted to play or attention and followed me everywhere.  She had beautiful eyes and was the most gorgeous golden you have ever seen. She was a great listener, a loyal companion, a sock stealer, my protector and truly my best friend.

Sometime this week the vet will call and say come pick up her ashes. I am bracing myself for that call. While in my mind I know we did the right thing for her because she was in so much pain, in my heart I don’t think I will ever be the same.

With Love,

Pam - Tee's Mommy


sunshinegirl

Registered:
Posts: 356
 #2 
Oh Dear Pam,
You won't be the same. You are just experiencing a loss of a family member and a wonderful companion who was in your heart. That is so hard that no one, who has not experienced it, can imagine. I am truly sorry you lost your precious Tee. Please come here often, let us know Tee's life story and share your grief. It is such a roller-coaster ride of emotions it's hard to believe. So grieve, grieve for your Tee and don't hold anything back.

My thoughts are with you, your family and Tee.
Roman


HelenY

Registered:
Posts: 1,415
 #3 
Dear Pam-

    I'm so very sorry for your loss of Tee.  She sounds like such a sweet soul with so much love to share.  Goldens are such special animals.  I feel that they're angels sent here for awhile to live among us mortals--spreading their unending gifts of joy, companionship, happiness and love.
    I hope that your precious Tee will be sending you some signs very soon.  I know that she is in a good place at the Rainbow Bridge.

     The moment that you left me, my heart was torn in two.
     One side filled with heartache, the other died with you.
     I often lie awake at night when the world has gone to sleep.
     I take a walk down memory lane with tears upon my cheeks.
     Remembering you is easy.  I do it every day.
     Missing you is the heartache that will never go away.

         May you keep those special memories in your heart until you meet again---

                               Helen, Teddy's forever Mom
fostersmommy

Registered:
Posts: 893
 #4 
You did do the right thing, you saved her from more pain.  Knowing that, though, doesn't make it any less sad.  Knowing you gave your furbabies a great life also doesn't make you any less sad now that she is gone. 

It's only bbeen 10 days, it will get better.....even though I still cry just about every day, for me its been 18 weeks and 3 days, but it has gotten better.

I will be thinking of you.
River

Registered:
Posts: 262
 #5 
Such a beautiful face. Golden's are such happy pups, it's not very often that you see one that isn't wearing a smile. Your Tee is especially lovely. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you. 

LoriDR

Registered:
Posts: 2,123
 #6 
Oh Pam ~ My heart breaks with you as I feel your pain. We here know exactly what you describe in losing your precious Tee, and I cried with you as I read. It's good you've found this place. Come here and share more when you feel up to it. I'm so sorry about Tee.

Hugs of comfort,
Lori

leonor

Registered:
Posts: 214
 #7 
Oh, Pam...

I am so sorry that you lost your best friend... You loved her so much... I loved the way you described her look in the car. I know that brought you hurt but it says so much. It says she truly was your best friend and she loved you as much as you loved her. And your Tee is beautiful.

"She was a great listener, a loyal companion, a sock stealer, my protector and truly my best friend."

This says so much, doesn't it?

I'll be honest with you: people like you and me and everyone on this board, who love their animals like they love family, plus the fact that they're there everyday, unconditionally (like no human can) hurt like hell after they leave us. But it will get easier to breathe and live, with time. And you will find out just how much Tee's changed you and made you a better person. In time.

Until then cry, let yourself grieve, and come here: you are not alone and we all understand your sorrow. Again, I'm very sorry for your precious Tee.

Wishing you comfort *
Leonor
Mare

Registered:
Posts: 11,059
 #8 
Dear Pam,

I am so sorry your beautiful girl has passed on.  Your post is so heartbreaking.  Losing a beloved pet is so difficult to endure.  The days no longer have the same feel to them and you wish with every beat of your heart that somehow your pet could return to you.  Tee was the sunshine of your life and that sun will shine in your heart as you begin to heal.  You will think of the many sweet memories made during her time with you and you will be so grateful for each day.  I hope your other dog is doing ok with the loss of her dear friend.  Losing a pet does change the whole family.  Again, I am very sorry for your loss.

Mare
precious Christoph ~ 2 years at the bridge ~

LabMom

Registered:
Posts: 233
 #9 
Dear Pam, I'm so glad you've found this place of comfort and understanding. Thank you for sharing Tee's picture, she's so beautiful! There's something about a gray muzzle that really gets to me. I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm sure her sister misses her too. Our babies are so much a part of our lives and then, when they're gone, what an empty space they leave in our hearts and our homes. No, you will never be the same. But in time you will come to see that not only has loosing her changed you, but ten years of having her changed you as well...and in good ways. Hold her spirit close to your heart. Bringing her ashes home will be hard, but having her home again will give you comfort. Wishing you peace. Anne
cwigg99723

Registered:
Posts: 628
 #10 
Dear Pam, your story is so heart breaking.  It seems that one day our fur babies are fine and then the next day, bad health awaits them.

We lost our Beagle, Bonnie Lou this past June. We had her for 13 years.  We also had her cremated and I have her ashes in a sweet box in the computer room. I have created a shrine for her with pictures of her around the box and a flameless candle behind the box. 

I am so truly sorry for your loss.  It will take time.  You will never get over it; there is no way any of us will ever get over the loss of our pets.  

You have come to the best place in the world here. Everyone of us know what you are going through.  We have all been there and most of are still there.  Please come back anytime you have the need to talk.

You are in my thoughts and prayers

~~~~Hugs~~~~
Clara

Teddysmom

Registered:
Posts: 20
 #11 
Tmom,
I think there is no more painful loss than the loss of a beloved Golden.
My Teddy went to the Bridge seven years ago, age 14, at that time there was a large group of people who had lost their Goldens and we comforted each other as best we could. The pain will get better but it takes a long time.
I am finally at the point where I can remember all the joys of our life together without focusing on the pain of his death. What helped me the most was adopting more Goldens. I went to a Golden Rescue and adopted two young ones. By giving two unwanted Goldens a home and love, it was the best way we could honor his memory. Then last year we adopted another young one with medical issues. So now I have three. They fill our lives with the love and joy we so sadly missed when Teddy died. When you are ready, considered adopting a Rescue. They are so grateful for the chance.

Carol
TMom

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #12 

Hello Everyone - First, I would like to thank everyone for such kind words. Even though it took me awhile to read what you wrote it truly is helping now. This really is a great place to help with the grieving process. The fact you can help without judging my feelings is truly a wonderful gift. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since Tee hasn't been with me.  Last week was terrible. I had to drive to the Vet and pick her ashes up. I walked into the office and just started crying and couldn't stop. I cried all the way home. Right now she is up on our mantle. At the office, they handed me her beautiful box, an envelope and some other items all wrapped in purple. While it all looks beautifully done, I just can't bring myself to look at what all is there. Maybe sometime in the future. Right now the pain and hurt is still very deep. I do see myself getting better - my husband was telling me funny stories about her last night and I actually caught myself laughing at some of the antics she pulled. Then of course I see her favorite toy and then I start the crying again. But it is a start. My other two dogs seem to be adjusting better this week.

With Much Love,

Pam - Tee's Mommy
Darian

Registered:
Posts: 282
 #13 

Pam, I'm so glad you were able to laugh at the funny stories.  Same with me,  I knew I'd had a breakthrough when I laughed at the stories my husband told about Captain.  You're not where I'm at yet,  at 10 weeks,  but you'll find that when you reach this point it's like walking out of a deep, dark shadow into some light.   My biggest breakthrough was last week.  I watched some videos of my little guy.   That was the most therapeutic thing, but I think it has to happen with the right amount of grieving time. You'll get there

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