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Bucky18

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Posts: 4
 #1 
ello.
My Bucky was a mixed breed 50 lb dog I got from the pound in 1999. That’s right, he was over 18 years when he passed. He was the best dog and friend a person could have.
I knew the day was coming. He started getting unbalanced on his feet and his hearing and sight faded. Last week we went to my moms house and he played with my moms dogs. There was a total of 5 of them and a cat. He never recovered from that day. I let a few days pass to see if he would but things got worse. One night he was pacing in circles while everyone else slept. Neither of us got any sleep that night. He looked very confused. He kept falling and when he wanted to get up he couldn’t do it with his back legs. I would lift him and he would get going eventually. He also never wanted to lay down.
Bucky has a mass under his legs that was diagnosed as non cancerous so he lived with it for years. It eventually got really big and affected his balance and walk. Also, his head started to sink in on the left side. The vet said it could be a tumor.
My vet offered palliative care and I asked about euthanasia. The thing is, Bucky was up and walking about at the vet but at home he wasn’t doing well. He also panted excessively like he had just come from a run but didn’t. He panted all the time and kept his tail down. His tail is like a chows tail that would curl up normally but not lately. He also drank tons of water but he ate well. He loved to eat.
I made the very very tough choice of letting Bucky go to sleep. The vet gave him a sedative which was good because he was so peaceful. I hadn’t seen him that peaceful in at least a year. I was there the whole time petting and talking to him through it all. I told him I loved him so much and always will.
The problem is that I feel guilty. Should I have used pain killers instead? I can’t get this quilt out of my head that maybe I pushed his passing. Is this common for parents who euthanize their pets?
I am having a horrible time dealing with this. I feel that he could have gotten better if I just gave him the palliative care the vet offered.
When does this get better?
Tanker_1

Registered:
Posts: 67
 #2 
Hey Bucky, 
I feel guilty because I did not let the vet treat my 15.5-year-old dog when she got sick on Wednesday. There was a lot of minor things wrong, hearing, fatty cysts, arthritis, etc... but I never wanted to see her as sick as she was again. 

I feel awful, but she isn't in any pain, nor do we have to wait for the big pain that would have probably come. I had to make a choice that morning. I did not want to see her hurt anymore. 
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #3 
Hi, I know you are hurting and it seems as if your heart is being ripped out, but you did the right thing. Bucky sounds like such a wonderful dog. You gave the ultimate gift of love. They are in a better place and are at peace. Our journey of pain starts the second they leave their earthly bodies. It does get some what easier with time. As with Bucky, Old age took my Heart Dog on Sept. 18th. He was 16 and 4 months old.We all feel the guilt of making this tough decision. In our heads we know is was the right decision but our hearts don't deal in logic. I still cry and miss him so very much and I spend a lot of lonely days without him but I know if I would have done the what ifs I would have only prolonged his struggling to live. I never wanted him to ever suffer as I'm sure you didn't want Bucky to suffer so you left him go before he suffered. I guess some would think we are lucky to have had all the years we did share with out Fur Babies but no matter how long or how short their lives are it still hurts big to let them go. Cry and grieve as much as you need to and know that you are not alone, ever.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom, Bonnie
Bucky18

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #4 
Thank you so much for your kind words. It really helps a lot. Those close to me keep telling me I did the right thing as well. I quess what I am having trouble is that Bucky still pooped outside. He peed outside sometimes but sometimes in the house he would be walking and just start peeing. He was almost 19 years old and over 50 lbs. No one could believe how long he was on this earth. I know his mind was fading. The last two days I would have to lift his back legs to get him going and sometimes he would fall while walking. The huge mass under his leg was affecting his gait. The left side of his head also started caving in. The vet said it could be a nerve tumor. He always kept his tail down towards the end and was panting like crazy. I just wonder what if I would have given him pain killers? People keep saying it may have helped for a while but why keep him alive for me?? I asked the vet to please give him a pre sedative before the other two shots so he would be calm and boy was he calm. That was the first time I saw him that calm and at peace in a long time. The last few days he would actually walk in circles like dogs do before they lay down but he would never lay down almost like he forgot what he was doing or he knew if he laid down he may not be able to get up. He was also kind of sticking his head in the corner and the bushes. I was there with him until his heart stopped and he knew that. He was at peace. Talking about it here helps me but I still feel the what ifs? Should I have put him through all those tests? Should I have given him pain pills???

Thank you
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