Registered: 1542996585 Posts: 3
To anyone reading this,
On thanksgiving, at 5am, I was awoken by my panicked roommate about a horrible sound coming from one of the cats. We both had a cat, and I went to check out which one was making so much noise. I found my Binxy, laying in the bathroom in a panicked struggle as he couldn’t use his legs. He was crying out in pain, and I started to panic. I’ve never owned a pet before, and never faced the loss of what but In that moment my fear had come alive. I wrapped him up in a blanket and my roommate and I drove him to the emergency 24hr vet. His cries as I was holding him were so agonizing, and the vet took him in immediately. She came back, and gave me the worst news I could have possibly gotten. Binxy had a severe heart murmur, and he formed a blood clot that paralyzed his legs. Or otherwise known as the awful words “saddle thrombus.” She told me that the best decision would be to put him down, as the only treatment would be too harsh on him due to his week heart. So I made the decision, and I was there with him, when she gave him the euthanization. I can’t help but remember his look of terror, his paw on my jacket as he fell asleep from the sedative before the actual eurhanization. I can’t help but blame myself, I felt so powerless and I felt like I let him down. I always protected him, because he could never do it himself. But in that moment, I was the one to decide to put him to sleep. I’m worried he knew what was happening, and I know it sounds silly, since he’s never seen such a thing before and was most likely just distressed. But I’m constantly trying to convince myself that I did the right thing. He was only 7, and he was my first every pet and cat. It feels empty, even though my roommates cat is insanely affectionate. I don’t know..I’m only 21, and this decision and moment was on par with when I lost my father at 17. I did the right thing, right? I worry that he knew, that he felt betrayed. But what else could I have done, let him suffer..?
Registered: 1529423348 Posts: 118
In many ways, the loss of a pet is perhaps more agonising. They can't understand what is happening to them, and we have no way to explain it to them. And the circumstances may force us to do the humane thing, and we make the decision for them because they cannot do it for themselves. It may be the kinder way, but the process is truly a torturing one for us pet owners. Long after they have passed, the humans continue to suffer deeply. And we do miss them so very very much. This is the price of our love. It is what we need to pay for the priveledge of sharing our lives with our fur babies. When I euthanized my cat, I kept telling her again and again - "don't be afraid, don't be scared.." Hopefully she heard me... But I miss her so very much, and it has been so very hard.
Registered: 1542996585 Posts: 3
Thank you for your kind words. All I could tell him was “I love you” and “you’re a good boy.” I’m hoping he heard it, like yours may have. We can only hope that it was at least one comforting thing for them in their last moments. I’m so sorry about your cat, you seem like you loved her a lot and like I hope my boy knew, I hope she also knew that you were her comfort.
Registered: 1543072353 Posts: 3
I'm sorry for your loss. My cat had an accident and died unexpectedly. But as he was in my arms, I could tell he was peaceful, because I was with him, I kept telling him that I loved him untill he was gone. You did the most human thing and you are brave. May he rest in peace. Hugs for you, let's be strong, we are not alone in our suffering.
Registered: 1542996585 Posts: 3
Thank you, it’s unfortunate we both know of the experience but I’m blessed that we’re not alone in this experience. Thank you for telling me that, I feel guilt but I know that’s normal to feel. I’m just relieved that his pain was only short, and it wasn’t prolonged. The vet I went to understand his pain, and I’m so thankful she was as professional but as caring as she was.
Registered: 1541977015 Posts: 4
I am so sorry about your cat. I lost my cat 2 1/2 weeks ago and I understand your pain and hoping you did the right thing. I know you did the right thing, especially if the vet thinks he couldn't have handled more because of his heart. It would have been torture for him to go through. I had to make the decision on the spot, too, and it haunts me daily even though I know there was no more we could do for him. It's a sickening feeling. Just know you are not alone.
Registered: 1309098374 Posts: 626
Good Evening, Dear Binxyboi,
I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Binxy, and I am especially for the sudden , unexpected series of events that brought you to having to make such a heartbreaking decision. Dear spirit, if I may first say to you, please do not ever feel that you let him, down. In gface dear spirit, your decisions and choices clearly showed just the opposite. When we welcome a new companion into our life, we offer to them a promise to give them a life filled with love, loyalty, and protection from pain, suffering, discomfort. It is a very sad truth that sometimes, a part of honoring that promise involves the hard decision to send our beloveds on a journey ahead of us until we may reunite with them in the future. Furthermore, I very much believe that in their way, our beloveds are aware when we must make that decision to honor our promise to them. If you will indulge me, I was honored to share eight some years of my life with a truly loving loyal, senior Tiger Maine Coon Cat named Van Gogh. I can honestly say that when I was looking for a companion, I didn't even choose him......he chose me. We had a truly wonderful time together until sadly, he suffered a series of ailments common to his breed and age (A collapsed lung and accompanying infection that was not responding to antibiotics) which left me no choice but to set him free from his pain and suffering. It was clear he was in great distress, so I made the decision, and when I went visit him, the vet let me spend some time with him before he made his journey. I talked to him at great length, telling him I would forever save him from his pain, and that we would be together again in the future. As the vet tended to Van Gogh, I scratched behind his ears, which he always loved, and let him know the thought I always expressed at the end of the day before bedtime...."Daddy loves you". He looked at me, and I looked right in his eyes as his journey began, and before he slept, he looked at me with a knowing expression that everything was going to be okay. Dearest spirit, I promise you with all of my being, like my little buddy, your beloved Binxy knew you were tending him in a way that was loving, caring, and honoring your commitment to offer love and comfort at all times. Dearest Binxyboi, I hope and pray for you that in the coming days and weeks, you will find comfort and solace in knowing that you did just right for your beloved and more important, that your beloved knows that also. But for know, gentle spirit, please know that I also offer to you my thoughts, hopes and prayers for peace and calm, for you, your loved ones, and especially for your beloved Binxy. All is well with love, john