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Pet Loss Grief Support Message Board
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I babied my 11 year old Maine Coon, and he acted and was the size of a human toddler. So handsome.He was soooo furry and funny and cuddly. He would sleep under the covers with me and purr all night. I rescued him and he absolutely adored me. He would always look at me with that loving slow blink and wanted me to carry him around. He was very well behaved but had a HUGE personality. I live alone and he was the cutest companion and baby boy.

After my previous cat went missing almost decade ago, I would let allow him to go outside but he always stayed near the house, in the city, and I monitored him and checked up on him and got him to come back inside after a few minutes. Sometimes my mother would offer to let him out for a few minutes after dark and I always scolded her and insisted he stay in.

I was asked to travel for work for 2 months and I have the most loving cat sitter for him. She could be my twin. She never had a cat before this, was a dog person, but totally fell in love with him and he loved staying with her. Last week I got a tearful call from my friend, explaining that my cat wanted to go outside around supper time, and didn’t come when she called. And the next morning they found him just outside the house. A wild animal must have taken a quick bite to his throat and killed him instantly. My cat sitter lived in a more rural subdivision.

I’m going through all kinds of feelings, denial, loss of control, deep sadness imagining going back home without him. I feel horrible for my friend and I think it was extremely traumatizing for her and she has been plagued with guilt. But deep down, I feel a bit angry, I don’t know at who, because I was so paranoid and careful at home and often would not let him out after dark even if he bugged me to.

This happened two weeks before I get home and I can’t stop feeling like it would not have happened at my house. I feel upset at not wanting to micromanage his care- I should have thought about it and reminded my friend, who had never lost a cat- to only let him out if she could supervise him. I feel really disappointed but know how happy he was in their care and how spoiled and loved he was. I’m having a really hard time making sense of this and processing this and not feeling angry at the moment. No one would ever know I’m feeling angry. Just sad.

I’m having a hard time to process this
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