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Lovebostons

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Posts: 299
 #1 
I rescued my cat Sundance when he was a feral kitten living under a car during a snowstorm.  I had to trap him but I finally got him and he was really wild!  But, he grew up to be the best cat I ever had.  He was a good boy right up until the day he got his wings. Never did one thing wrong his entire life.  He was kind to all my other pets.  I could go on and on but he was an amazingly good cat.

On 2/23/19 after living on this earth for 15 years I had him euthanized.  I don't feel bad about the euthanization. He would have gone on his own maybe in a few hours or days but he would have suffered more than he already had so I just gave him relief.

I do feel bad about his last 3 days.  I was trying to save him even though deep down I knew he would not come back from his disease.  And in trying to save him he had to have medications and all that involves and he needed assist feeding.  I look back and think "why didn't I just leave him alone".... I always told him I was just trying to help him and not hurt him.  But the thought of him not feeling well and losing him made me fight when perhaps I shouldn't have.

I guess we always second guess ourselves and I know the next few days and weeks I will continually find something to beat myself up over because I shoulda, woulda, coulda....even though I know I gave him a great life and he was a happy boy.  I'll still make myself think about things so that I can hurt myself over this.  I guess it's a natural process...the need to beat ourselves up. I'm not looking forward to the sadness and pain.

But it should really be only about him.  About what a lovely creature I was blessed to spend 15 years with.  About gratitude for his life and for the gift of him coming into my life.
JohnFitzgerald

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Posts: 629
 #2 
Good Afternoon, Michele, 

I am so sorry for the passing of your precious Sundance. It is so clear from your thoughts the depth of your love and caring for your beloved, and so very clear that you did so much to help him in his last days.....

Dearest Michele, if I may, I ask of you as you remember your beloved Sundance, to look back on the very words you wrote in your post.  You had mentioned second guessing yourself as you gave him his medicine, fighting to help him, and guessing that we all second guess at times of loss. Dear Michele, you're right. We all do second guess ourselves as a natural part of mourning, but then, it always comes out that in the final scheme of things, we did just right. I ask you, Dearest Michele, to look inside yourself and know that you did everything just right for your beloved Sundance. You rescued him, you domesticated him, you nurtured him, you loved him. There is nothing simpler, and it is all so clear, especially to your beloved Sundance. I have no doubt that right now, he is making new friends (perhaps he has met my Van Gogh?), sharing memories of the wonderful soul who brought him fifteen years of love and joy, and looks forward to many more after your reunion in the years ahead.

Dearest Michele, I offer to you my thoughts, prayers, and hopes, for both you and your Sundance, and as part of those, I also offer my wish that you may find comfort in the coming days for yourself in knowing that you did everything just right for him...….And he knows it.

All is well with love,
john
Lovebostons

Registered:
Posts: 299
 #3 
Dear John,

What a lovely response to my post!  Thank you for taking the time to write such kind and thoughtful words.  They are healing words and I am very grateful.

Today, I was looking at pictures of Sundance that I had taken over the years and it became clear to me that he had a wonderful life. A long, wonderful life of being loved and being allowed to be himself.  He really never had a bad day until he got sick and that was a short time.  He was dignified until the end.  I miss him so much but I am happy he is no longer in pain.

I hope Sundance has met your Van Gogh and they are having a wonderful time.  

Love,
Michele
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