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Amy_kins

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Posts: 4
 #1 

I was two years old when the owner of my daycare found a kitten freezing to death in the snow outside. He brought it to a vet and when she was recovered, he gave her to me. We named her Blizzard. She was my best friend in the world, always there for me when I needed her. My family used to tell me that she was not a family pet, that she was my cat since I was the only person she'd come to, the only person she'd snuggle with, the only person she'd let hold her. She slept with me every single night for 17 years. I moved away when I was 19 and because of her age the vet said it was unsafe for her to travel the distance to my new home, so I had to leave her behind with my father and brother. When I was 16 and she was 14, people began telling me that she was old and may die soon. I refused to believe it. She was still my baby, she couldn't die. I told her multiple times over the past few years that I wasn't ready for her to go, that I needed her to stay with me. Every year vets and family were astounded that she was still alive, that she was the oldest cat they'd ever seen. This past Christmas while visiting home I lay in bed with her one night. After picking her up onto my bed because she was unable to get up there on her own I realized I wasn't being fair; if it was her time to go I couldn't keep her. I held her close and told her "Blizzard, I love you with all my heart. I have always and will always love you. If you need to go, I'll be ok. I'll miss you every day and I can't imagine life without you, but I'll be ok." She slept with me that night curled next to my face as she had done for 17 years and every night I was home visiting since I'd moved. 

Blizzard passed away this morning, at the age of 23. She was my everything. I love her and I cannot bear the thought of going home and not seeing her there. Not hearing her meow and purr when I pick her up for the first time in months after being away. Not being able to snuggle and rub heads with her. Not waking up to her kneading my hair. Everyone keeps telling me that she lived a good long healthy life, but I don't want to hear it. I told her I'd be ok, but I wasn't truly ready to let her go. 

I wasn't there with her this morning when she passed. I'm halfway across the country. I can't be there to bury her, to say my last goodbyes. The guilt and emptiness I feel is eating away at me. 

I would do anything to have her back. If only to tell her one last time I love her. To hold her one last time. 

RIP Blizzard. You'll be in my heart forever and always. I love you.

pansy

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Posts: 599
 #2 
I'm so sorry you have lost Blizzard.  Losing an animal you've had for that long is a really hard adjustment.  By that age they've been around through many stages of your own life.  I had a kitty that I left with my mom when I went away to college.  I always looked forward to seeing her when I came home and when she died I was just devastated.  I know how you feel.     
brenrae

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Posts: 4,779
 #3 
I am so sorry for your loss of Blizzard. It does not matter how old our fur babies are, we are never ready to let them go. But, we can't keep them with us either. I know that she knows how much you loved her, and will always love her. I know that it is also hard for you to not be able to be there for your final good bye. Perhaps you could light a candle for her, and honor her life that way. I know it isn't much, and would never replace being there with her, but I am sure she will know that you are honoring her. I also believe that when our time comes to leave this world, we will be reunited with our fur babies that went ahead of us. I wish and pray for you to find peace in the days to come.
IwillRememberYou

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Posts: 47
 #4 
Amy, it's an amazing story that you have of Blizzard...and a wonderful journey..very inspirational.  Take care and hold close the beautiful memories always.
Denise
Amy_kins

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Posts: 4
 #5 

Thank you for your kind words. I'm still having trouble accepting the fact that she's gone. I find myself ignoring it, and then it'll hit me full force when something triggers the memory. She's always been there and I can't bring myself to believe and accept that I'll never see her again.

I've been distant from my other cat since Blizzy's passing. When I look at him it pains me, as if I've replaced her with a new cat, even though I've had him for three years. I'm working on moving passed this, because it's so unfair to him.

I didn't expect to get any responses on this post, I mainly was looking for an outlet, somewhere to put my grief. I have a hard time letting those around me know I'm struggling. So thank you, from the very bottom of my heart, for reaching out and offering some comfort.

Sitka3

Registered:
Posts: 374
 #6 
Oh, Amy, 
I am sending healing, caring thoughts your way. Please keep coming to this site whenever you feel the need. It has helped me so much this week when I had to let my Tia go, and it has helped me more than I knew I needed over the loss of my heart cat, Silke, almost 16 years ago. Everyone here has been so kind and generous and comforting to me in my grief. I found the chat room to be wonderful, too.
Blizzard knew the best love from you. How wonderful to have had her for so long! What a special bond! She'll be waiting for you at the bridge.
Sending you and Blizzard and your other cat (((((((hugs))))))!
Take care, and wishing you brighter days ahead!
~Tia & Silke's Mom, Leslie


mspandie1117

Registered:
Posts: 2,465
 #7 
I am sorry for your loss!  Peace and comfort will find it's way to you in time and you will smile when you remember Blizzard.   I am sorry it doesn't happen sooner for everyone, grief is a miserable journey, but one we cannot seem to avoid.  Hugs tonite!
Turvey13

Registered:
Posts: 21
 #8 
Blizzards mom,
I too lost my loving child hood kitty 4 days ago. She was 13 and had cancer and after battling it and partially recovering she fell sick again. I had her since I was 5 years old. She was with me through everything thick and thin. You must know that God chose us to take care of our babies cause he knew we would do the right thing for them. Blizzard will always know you loved her! Always!, love always remains. Pain will subside in time and be replaced with fond memories. Don't feel guilty Hun it is a natural part of grieving and you were an amazing parent for her to have lived that long! Wow! Amazing :) your cat was older than me hehe! See where they are now is waiting in a beautiful heaven for us until we can go together and be reunited with a bond stronger than ever, there is no concept of "time" here so don't be anxious, your baby is safe, comfortable, and happy :) she is watching over you and would love that you still show her ancestor kittys the same love you showed her. It's not a replacement it's simply being the amazing animal lover you are. No kitty will ever be blizzard because each cat is its own soul and will have a bond like no other with you. There will be days it hurts, and that's ok don't hold back your heart is just telling you how much your kitty truly meant to you and she knows this and is so so so lucky to have been yours :) my prayers and heart goes out to you, so glad you found this forum like I did
God bless you for taking good care of such beautiful lives, if only our cats lived as long as we do huh ;)
-Lilys mommy
Amy_kins

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #9 
It's been almost five years. I don't think I'll ever get used to you being gone.

I've been thinking about you a lot today, Blizzy. I have Jack, and he's a wonderful cat. He is my shadow and is attached to my hip. I love him with all my heart. But he can never replace you. It's been a rough two years, Bliz. And I've needed you. Lots of people have died, and now my best friend is gone. I am so lonely. With each loss my heart shattered and nothing on Earth helped the pain. With each loss I knew that you would have been curled up next to my face purring your heart out to try to help. You were always there when I was sad. Other pets, people, nothing has been able to comfort me the way you used to. I can still hear your purr sometimes when I'm half asleep, I have jolted awake more than once thinking I heard you purring in my ear.

The pain of losing you is just as strong as the day I received that awful phone call. No one understands. Every person I've tried to talk to thinks I'm being ridiculous. They think I'm not mature, not capable of dealing with things. They say you were just a pet. But you left a giant hole in my heart and I don't know how to fill it.

You were my best friend, my confidant. You were there for me through a rough childhood, rocky teenage years, and the heartaches of being an adult.

I miss you desperately. I love you forever and always. I anxiously await the day I can see you again.
Dolly455

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #10 
I lost my long time friend 2 weeks ago. I had her from the time I was 19. She lived 18 years. I did not "adult" well during this loss. I am so sorry I understand how it feels. One day I saw a pillow and thought it was her. I was reaching out to pet it when I realized that she was gone and had to process it again. Funny how our minds do that to us. I hope life gets better for you in general. Loss never gets easier. Hugs.
Amy_kins

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #11 
I understand completely. Our brains can be terrible things that trick us. I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope you find some comfort soon.
goofygirlinva

Registered:
Posts: 1,191
 #12 
Amy,

No matter how much time has passed, there is something that is unique about losing our childhood pets, especially the one with whom we shared a very strong and special bond. Maybe it is because their death marks a passage from our childhood into adulthood and it is a reminder that our childhood is over.

I know for me, one of the things that brought home the reality that my childhood was really over was when the last of my childhood pets passed away. He was the last of my 4 childhood pets I grew up with, and after that nothing really seemed the same again.

I had 2 cats & 2 dogs growing up. I was particularly close to my cat Nitelite. Like you, I was away at college when Nitelite passed away. He came to me in my dreams for 3 nights in a row to say goodbye, so when I came home for the holidays that year, I knew he would not be there to greet me at the door or to sleep with me at night or lay on my lap when I watched tv. It was a very painful holiday season for me that year. My other childhood cat Batman was PTS several years later, again over the holidays. This time I was there to help him pass over. It was another painful time, and once Batman passed away, all of my childhood pets were now gone and what was probably the last part of my childhood was also gone.

I don't know if Blizzard's passing marks a transition to a new phase of your life, but I wanted to let you know that I understand that Blizzard was not just a pet. He was a special part of your life, one you loved and cherished and will remember forever. And that is how it should be, for it sounds as though Blizzard was a very special and precious cat that was an angel sent to you from heaven.

I hope coming here helps you as you go through your grief journey.

Peace and hugs and healing to you...

- Kelly
Angel Blackie's mom
Angel Squeeker's mom
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