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gday

Registered:
Posts: 25
 #1 
Yesterday at 6 pm the love of my life was sent to the bridge.  On the way to my vet's office, I held Crystal in my arms.  She actually laid her head under my chin so sweetly most of the way there.  I will never forget that memory...what a gift she gave me.

The hardest part was handing her over so they could take a paw print and prepare her for me to come in.  The doctor had her laying on the most beautiful bright yellow towels...including one for covers and one for a pillow.  They remind me of sunshine on the most beautiful days.

The doctor was so sensitive and kind.  She was crying with me along with my husband and Crystal's nurse for so many years.  We all talked to Crystal and told her how much she is loved.  I told her to look for Gemini (my other Siamese of 18 years that knew Crystal and passed several years ago) because he would be there for her.  She passed so peacefully surrounded by great love.  We should all be so lucky...

We brought her home and buried her last night.  My dad had made a beautiful casket for her with a cross on the top.  My husband said a comforting prayer and we sang Amazing Grace together over her grave.  He was so wonderful.  I know I am blessed to have him and I know he loves me.  He loves Crystal too.  Thank God I have him.  I love him very much and appreciate everything he did for me and Crystal.

Today I have cried and cried.  The pain is so strong...I almost can't bear it.  I saw her footprints in the litter box.  I have smelled the blanket she laid on all day.  I washed all the towels she used including the one I carried her in on our way to the vet.  I cleaned out the pantry and put all her food in a sack to donate to our local shelter.  I cleaned out all 3 litter boxes and will donate those too.  Her cat carrier will be useful for the shelter I'm sure.

I can't clean out her toys yet.  I'm just not ready to do that.

I have cried, screamed, howled and can hardly breathe at times.  I love her so much.  What am I going to do without her here?  I don't know what to do with myself.  I find myself just wandering around the house.  Or going to her grave.  It helps to look at a picture I have of Gemini licking Crystal when she was a baby.  It gives me a sense of peace to look at it.

The first day alone has been so hard.  Rest in peace my love...I will miss you and life will never be the same without you.  I have been truly blessed to have you in my life.  God gave me one wonderful gift when he brought you to me.  Thank you for loving me all these 19 years.  I have loved you with everything I have...and then some.

Thank you to those on this site that have helped me and guided me through this.  I found courage in your words of wisdom.  I hope to help someone else someday in the memory of my sweet Crystal.

Many many hugs to all of you,

Gina


HerbiesMom

Registered:
Posts: 196
 #2 
Gina -- I know how hard this is everything you wrote in your post is exactly how I've felt about losing my Herbie.  And it two days it will be two years since I lost Belle.  It's so hard -- you took the pain away from Crystal and now it is yours to carry.  That's what we do for our babies. But you are lucky you have your husband and father there for you.  One of the most difficult things for all of us here is finding someone who understands and who cares.  I come to this site because I have NO ONE who I can talk to.  A close friend yesterday told me to put Herbie's pictures away for awhile -- but I just can't.

My neighbor who went with me 2 months ago when I had Herbie put to sleep came home with me afterwards and immediately took the dishes, medicines bedding -- everything-- away.  A few days later I removed the litter boxes.  I couldn't bear to get rid of Herbie and Belle's bed, so I put it under my bed and will eventually donate it.  I removed the placemats on the big chair that Herbie napped on, but a few days later put them back up and they stayed there for several weeks.  It was all just too much to bear. 

I'm glad you found the courage to let Crystal go, and I pray that you, and ALL of us will find peace.

Herbie's Mom
goofygirlinva

Registered:
Posts: 1,198
 #3 
Dearest Gina,
I am so very, very sorry for your loss.  I so wish the outcome could have been different, that your beloved Crystal didn't get sick and that she was still with you.  YOu are so incredibly blessed to have loving, supportive people with you that understand the depth of your loss and can comfort you in your time of need.

Hugs to you, I will be thinking of you tonight.  Take care of yourself.

Kelly
Blackie's mommy
sussmom

Registered:
Posts: 1,040
 #4 
Dear Gina,I'am so very sorry for your loss of your dear sweet Crystal,It is so very hard to tell them goodbye,but your baby is okay and having fun at the bridge with her Gemini  I'am sure  she will take  good care of your baby and she will always love you, and be watching for you at the bridge.I'am happy that she had a peaceful crossing,and know God  sent Gemini to carry her home.
{{{{{{{{{GINA-CRYSTAL }}}}}}}}}}
My  prayers and thoughts are with you.
Hugs,
JoAnn Sammy  Sus's Mom

mollyboltsmom

Registered:
Posts: 991
 #5 
Gina,
I am so sorry to learn of Crystal's passing. I know that it took great courage for you to help her to the Bridge. In the next days and weeks and months my prayers will be with you and your family as you negotiate the waters of grief. I will pray that the happy memories will replace the sadness and sorrow in time.
Molly's Mom
basil

Registered:
Posts: 1,205
 #6 
Dear Gina

I am finding this hard to write through my tears too.  I am so, so sorry.  You found the strength and the courage, and I know how hard it was for you to make that decision.
I didnt know that your Crystal was a siamese, they are such special cats, I had 2.  I always said that they were a cross between a cat and a dog. 

I hope that she meets my Tammy and my Nicky, they have been gone many years now, but I still miss them.

My thoughts are with you, and I am so glad that you have such loving support around you, apart from us.  You know that we will always be here for you.

GOD BLESS YOU LITTLE CRYSTAL, LUCKY GIRL TO HAVE SUCH A LOVELY MUMMY.  I AM GIVING HER A RAINBOW FOR YOU SWEET GIRL.   Please look at the rainbow, Crystal is there now....God Bless, Di xxx
MrMeowgy

Registered:
Posts: 763
 #7 

Dear Gina, I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Crystal. Now you will bear the pain for her. It won't be easy, but it is the right thing to do, to spare our darlings the suffering. I think it will continue to comfort you to visit with her. You can talk to her, sing to her, tell her all about your day. It really helps me when I go out to visit my beloved Mr. Meowgy. I wish you peace and comfort. Donna. Mr. Meowgy's mom

barrybass

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #8 
Our prayers and our hearts are with you tonight.

God Bless you all.
katebock

Registered:
Posts: 686
 #9 
Dearest Gina,

I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your beloved Crystal.  It is so hard when we lose a part of our heart.  I wish I had words of comfort that could take away your pain.  I hope you find comfort in knowing that your Crystal is in a beautiful place free from sickness and pain.  She knows how much you love her and she will live in your heart forever.

You and Crystal are in my thoughts and prayers.

Kate (Gus' mom)

Gruntsmomforever

Registered:
Posts: 699
 #10 
Dear Gina,

My heart is aching for you and for your loss of your Beloved girl, Crystal.  I am so sorry.

Sending deepest sympathy and hugs,
Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever 
RustysMom

Registered:
Posts: 1,015
 #11 

Dear Gina –

 

I’m so sorry about the loss of your beloved Crystal.  I know how hard it is to make that last decision on their behalf, it’s quite unbearable.  It pains us so to set them free.  You were brave for your baby and although it doesn’t feel like it, she is grateful for the kindness you showed her by helping her with her transition and I'm sure your Gemini was there to greet her. It’s good to hear that you are surrounded by such a wonderful support system of people that can provide the loving comfort you need during this time.

 

You had your Crystal almost as long as I had my Rusty. He was 21+ when he left me 10 weeks ago.  To have lived such long and beautiful lives are truly blessings, as cats are.

 

My Rusty’s little bed is exactly where he left it.  I had washed it. I wanted him to have a nice clean fresh bed when he came home from the vet hospital.  I never expected him not to come home, even though somewhere deep, deep in my heart I knew he wasn’t. So now it sits, waiting for him.  Rusty leaving me has made me remember the 2 Siamese cats that I grew up with.  They were such wonderful companions, and I miss them too.

 

Rusty is now with me, where he belongs, in his new “home.” A good friend of mine gave me a beautiful box with space for photos on each side.  I placed his ashes in a gold gingham bag, along with his certificate inside the box. I put a rose in there today, for no particular reason other than it seemed like something he’d like.  His home sits on top of an end table in our kitchen.  This is one of the very last spots he liked to sleep, in his bed, under the lamp.

 

I hope you can continue to derive comfort by visiting with Crystal . . . by looking at her pictures . . . remembering her and all of the wonderful years you had together.

 

To our sweet earth angels who have gone before us to the Rainbow Bridge . . . until we meet again . . . we love and miss you so.

 

With warm affection,

 

Rusty’s Mom.

Andee

Registered:
Posts: 131
 #12 
Dear Gina,

My heart breaks for you, I know all too well the heartache you are
feeling. Your story was so touching. Little Crystal knew what you
were doing for her and she was in peace. Gina, you have two
AWESOME men in your life, your Dad and husband love you
and Crystal so very much, please cherish them, you are so
lucky to have them, believe me. I kept Pookie's two favorite
toys, I put them in my curio cabinet and will put pictures of
him beside them. I know Crystal will come to you soon to let
you know she's ok now. I cried so much when Pookie died,
I just knew my heart couldn't take it any longer, and on the
3rd night he came to me ever so quickly just as I was falling
asleep. I still don't think it was a dream. He was so full
of energy, he hopped on the bed and I hugged him, he was so
soft and SO CLEAN, then he ran off just as quickly. I was awake
then.  I believe when we have such a close bond with our babies
they can comfort us. You and Crystal are in my thoughts. 

~~Andee  
TDawg

Registered:
Posts: 536
 #13 
To Gina,
 
I'm so very sorry about the loss of your beloved CRYSTAL.... Our animal friends leave us all too soon.... but their footprints will dance gently on our hearts forever. Thinking of you during a difficult time.
 
Reading all of your posts about your CRYSTAL brought tears in my eyes. You and Crystal are in my thoughts and prayers. (((((((((((GINA&CRYSTAL))))))))))......
 
Take care,
Lots of (((((((((gina)))))))
Terri(UWHusky-NikkisMom)

KeaElsa

Registered:
Posts: 113
 #14 
I am so sorry about your baby girl Crystal.  I cried as I read what you had written.   Happy that you have the support.  Your dad sounds like a wonderful man for making this casket for Crystal, and for your husband for saying prayers over Crystal.  Your baby girl knows that you love her and miss her at this time.
 
You are in my thoughts and prayers at this time.
 
KeaElsa - - Mommy to Kea, Elsa, Casper, Brandy, King, Dusty and Flagg
 

THERE ARE NEVER ANY GOOD BYES, ONLY WELL WISHES, TIL WE SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN.


Pata

Registered:
Posts: 48
 #15 
Dear Gina,

Words can not describe how your post made me feel.
I've lost my "Plump Kitty Sausage" Ulrik 5 days ago and I'm a wreck. I don't know what to do with myself, except that 2 days ago i adopted another very needy and abused kitty, and I have to "keep it together" for him. But I'm sure Ulrik guided me to make that decision, even if for most of you, it would be too soon. 

I just got to have someone next to me, or I'll go crazy. At least I have a reason to open my eyes in the morning because the new kitty greets me by "making muffins" on my face....with open claws. That's what I call the kneading motion kitties do...So I called the new kitty MUFFIN MAKER.

I miss Ulrik soooooooooooooooooo much. Words can not describe. I take sleeping pills at night and monitor my blood pressure. If you got the chance to read some of my other posts, you can find out all about my chest pain (I wouldn't be surprised if I had a heart attack coming) and all the silver hair I've gained in the past 5 days.

I am a 27 year old wreck of a woman, covered in gray hair and holding dearly for her life. Although sometimes I wish if this life just ceased to exist.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss.
mykittygirl

Registered:
Posts: 881
 #16 
Dear Gina,

I'm wrapping you in hugs. My heart breaks for you as I so intimately know your pain. Grief is a long twisted road but mourning honors your relationship with your beloved Crystal and it's your path to healing. What's so hard is not having them here in the physical..that's just created a huge chasm in our life.

What a loving sendoff Crystal had..she felt such love all around her as her spirit flew free. She was welcomed by my Cicio and all the angels at the Bridge.

I can say that I'm a stronger person now for having Cicio in my life but there's still an intense yearning to see and touch her one last time. It's so hard to believe she's gone.

You're in my thoughts,

Donna
gday

Registered:
Posts: 25
 #17 
Many sincere thanks to all of you for your comforting words.  Hearing your stories and feeling such a close bond with each of you helps to ease the pain.  I will be eternally grateful to the people on this site for opening their hearts to me and Crystal.  Your words are so beautiful and so heart felt...I wish I could personally thank each one of you and give you a big hug.

My mother came by yesterday afternoon and brought me the most beautiful statue of a siamese cat.  It reminds me so much of my sweet Crystal.  She also gave me a siamese magnet for my refrigerator.  Best of all, she wrote me the most thoughtful letter with words of love, care and compassion.  She said "I shared your pain today like it was my own...".

She also said "God sure knows how to wrap His loving arms around us and send the Holy Spirit to comfort/guide/lead us...and then we know, it's gonna be ok, eventually...".  I thank God for my Mom and for each of you.  We are all sharing this burden of grief and I am grateful for your support.

She said "Animals are a gift from God.  He gives them to us to enjoy and learn from-if one never gets to experience the youth, the middle age, the caring for them in old age-how else can we really understand the aging process.  Animals have a purpose.  They teach us to appreciate being young, full of vim and vigor...middle age, more observant, caring and tolerant...old age, watching, remembering, being taken care of and waiting for the inevitable.  Getting back what we gave-knowing we had fun-gave whenever whatever we could-knowing we loved and were loved.  Not much else anyone could hope to achieve and it all stemmed from learning from some pet we had.  How great God is in His infinite wisdom, a pet to learn from.  We have all been blessed and I wouldn't trade those precious memories for anything...bet you wouldn't either...".

All of you are in my heart, thoughts and prayers.  Crystal is gone but not forgotten.  I have been so blessed to have her in my life and I will keep trying to heal...I know she would have wanted that for me.  I know she loved me.

A Special Note to Pata:  I'm so glad you adopted Muffin Maker.  Your new kitty should help lower your blood pressure.  Take care of yourself and please don't "will" something bad to happen to you.  I am so sorry that Ulrik is no longer with you physically.  Ulrik would not want you to be this miserable.  Hold on and we can get through this together.  I need you too...just like Muffin Maker.  I have taken sleeping pills the last 2 nights as well.  I find myself obsessing over the last moments of Crystal's life and especially when I am trying to fall asleep.  I am trying to focus on the good memories of her but for some reason I keep thinking of the last moments.  Any suggestions from others on how to stop doing this would be helpful.  Pata...know that we care and let us know how you are doing please.

Blessings and love to all of you,

Gina

basil

Registered:
Posts: 1,205
 #18 
Dear Gina,

Your Mum sounds like a pretty amazing lady, so full of love and wisdom.  It is no wonder that she has a very special daughter like you.

I have laid awake like yourself.  When any of my other babies were PTS it was always a very peaceful transition.  Not so with my Basil.  The vet put a canula in his leg first and he screamed out, and hid his head in my arm.  When the actual injection was given, he screamed again.  I have heard his screams ever since.  I felt so bad and so guilty.  When I think now, I push it to the back of my mind, and refuse to think about it, but perhaps it takes time.  I know that he knew that I would not deliberately let him be hurt, but in a way it makes it worse, because I felt I betrayed him. 

I have now come to terms with it, but I still wont allow myself to think about it.

Thinking of you, Love Di xxx
ShebasDadMichael

Registered:
Posts: 48
 #19 
Gina,
I am so sorry for your loss. Crystal sounds like a beautiful Kitty. My Sheba (dog) left us 2 and a half months ago after 17 wonderful years. When Sheba left she left behind her sister Sox (cat) who was her best friend. Sox is 17 and a rescue cat who grew up with Sheba. Now Sox is not doing well and is showing signs of renal disease and she really is missing her long time pal. You are very lucky to have two wonderful guys and mom to support you. I also had to put Sheba down and it was just like your Crystals departure. I feel so bad for you but just think of all the good times you two had and hopefully time will pass and healing can begin. I will be thinking of you and your family and hop fully will see you at Monday night's ceremony. Take care,
Michael
lacal

Registered:
Posts: 201
 #20 

Gina:  I am so sorry that the day final came, but you honored your Crystal by putting her needs above your own.  You have given her the greastest gift, but the one that requires us to take on the pain of loss.

 

On noon yesterday I visited the ocean and cast a prayer flag into the air. Here is the prayer I wrote upon it. 

 

Eternal Spirit, we bring you our grief in the loss of Crystal and ask for courage to bear it. We bring you our thanks for Crystal who lived among us and gave us freely of her love. We commit our friend and companion Crystal into your loving hands. Give us eyes to see how your love embraces all creatures and every living thing speaks to us of your love. Amen.

 

 

May you soon begin to heal from your grief and may memories of happier days replace your grief.

 

lacal

Nancee

Registered:
Posts: 1,328
 #21 

Sorry about your loss.

Steve

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #22 
Thank you Gina , you have already helped someone , ME !
Thank you for sharing your story about Crystal , I know how you feel , I have been through it too , its heart breaking. I thank you and everyone here for sharing and caring. Take care and only remove her stuff when you are ready , you will know when , maybe leave it for now ? I still keep my Jeri's food bowl on her mat and I can't put it away yet. You are a very loving person and Crystal loves you for that right now and always.

Steve.



Nuggetsmum

Registered:
Posts: 251
 #23 
Hi Gday,

I am crying so much reading your post. I can tell so much how much you loved your Crystal. She was so lucky to have amazing mummy like you.

Take comfort in the fact that she had a beautiful passing. You were with her, she was peaceful and calm. My Nugget's wasn't so peaceful, he was crying the whole time.

I know how you feel, missing your girl. Nugget has been gone for 4 months on 2nd May, I miss him with all my heart. I cry for him several times a day. I used to cry all day, but I have to be strong for my young baby Jack whos daddy is in Afghanistan, but when I am alone, I cry for my Nugget.

Remember all the good times with your girl. You will be together again one beautiful day and it will be amazing.

A big cuddle to you,

Nuggetsmum Alana
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