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ChloeBFF

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Posts: 2
 #1 
On Friday morning, my beautiful little dog, Chloe had to go to Heaven and I don't know how to live with this heartache and pain. She was my best friend and I don't know how to go on without her.

She came into my life thirteen years ago and every single day she made me laugh and made me smile. She was so full of love and so full of life and losing her has made everything feel so empty. I miss her more than I can ever possibly say.

Her illness came very sudden; she was completely fine and full of joy until Thursday night when her breathing became really heavy and when she woke on Friday morning, she was struggling for breath. I rushed her down to the vet and he told us she was in heart failure and her lungs were filling up with fluid. He told us he could put her on medication which would give her a few weeks at best, but her quality of life wouldn't be good, so we made the painful decision to send her to Heaven.

Yesterday, I tried to distract myself by doing housework and when I brought the vacuum into the living room, I broke down in tears because if I vacuumed, I would have to move her toys from the place where she left them and also, it would be the last time I would ever vacuum up loose bits of her fur.

I know I need to pull myself together, because I have a nine year old cat, Millie who I have to be strong for, but right now, I can't stop crying and I am struggling to comprehend life without my beautiful little Chloe by my side.

Charliemom

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Posts: 7
 #2 
I am hurting with you. Yesterday, I had to say goodbye to my Charlie dog of 11 years. The pain is immeasurable as you know. I am so sorry to hear about your Chloe.
ItWillTakeTime

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Posts: 43
 #3 

I am really sorry to hear that you are going through this. Of course you feel terrible. You just lost your best friend. Dogs can be even closer to us than family because they are so dependent on us and we build all the rhythms of our lives around them. When they leave us, they leave a tremendous hole.

Everyone's grieving process is different. It is seven months since I put down K, who was my love and my furry child and my best friend for 14 1/2 years. I live alone, so K was very central in my life. I would say that for the first three months I was destroyed. I threw myself into work and didn't talk to anyone and cried multiple times a day. The next three months I was depressed and wracked with guilt. I tried to figure out who I was without K; what I liked to do; what to do with the extra time I suddenly had. I cried at least once every few days.

It is now seven months on. I just caught up with an old friend and we spent the weekend together hiking and watching movies. At the end of the weekend I had an unusual sensation: I was happy. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt happy. That doesn't mean that I don't miss K; but it is the beginning of finding some joy that was not centered around him. One thing that K taught me is that things are more fun when they are shared.

Bottom line: Expect that this is going to take some time to deal with (not get over). Months is likely. Be gentle with yourself as if you just had a major surgery or illness. Try not to isolate yourself from the people who care about you. And remember that Chloe was very blessed: she had a human who loved her for her whole life.

JackieTeller

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Posts: 228
 #4 
Dear ChloeBFF,

Please know that you are not alone and have come to the right place.  It is one of the most hardest things in life when a beloved furbaby passes to the Rainbow Bridge.  

My Jack Russell Terrier, Rosie, passed almost a year ago.  She too had heart failure.  I did the best I could but in the end, her little heart simply gave out.  Her quality of life in her last year went downhill and it was painful to watch my sweet little girl who had loved to run and chase squirrels labor in breath just to go on a short walk.

You did the kindest act of love you could do by letting Chloe go.  I have cried a river of tears as I'm sure you will.  Know that I/we are here for you.  

Jackie in Seattle, mama to Angel Rosie, LuLu, KitKat and Blossom 
cosesmom

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Posts: 580
 #5 
I know saying I am so sorry for your loss is so typical but I truly am sorry. You and your life will never be the same but you can so on. It'll be difficult and painful at times. Chloe was so strong until the end. She sounds like a hero. It amazes me that they go on every day and we know nothing of what they are going through. My sweet Termy suffered from a heart murmur for many years and was on medication for a long time. His heart was strong with love but old age was letting him down. It's been over 19 months since he crossed over and I still find no joy in life like I did once when I shared it with him.
I too know the pain of picking up toys for the last time and removing all the last evidence of their existence in a home. It hurts so deep down. Yes, you have to find the strength to for Millie but you need time for yourself to grieve. Love Millie but love yourself to, Chloe would want you to. Cry as often as you need to, it's part of grieving but try to remember the journey to. You and Chloe waked a journey of memories through the years to cherish and remember. Try not to let the last day over shadow all the good memories. 
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
ChloeBFF

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #6 
Thank you everybody for your kind words, I really appreciate them all, especially since you are currently going through, or have been through a tragic loss as well.

I am still crying about my beautiful little Chloe, but I am trying to focus on the happy memories of her. I was looking at all the pictures of her on my phone and I couldn't stop smiling at the happy memories when those pictures were taken.

I am giving my cat, Millie, lots of cuddles because she feels restless as well, and I keep letting her know that Chloe loved her with all her heart and she will always be watching over us.

Thank you again for all your kind words, they really mean a lot to me.
patches0330

Registered:
Posts: 42
 #7 
Dear ChloeBFF, 

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I understand how painful it is to have to say goodbye. We had to put our cockapoo, Patches, to sleep on March 30, 2019. It was his 11th birthday. He was diagnosed with diabetes in November 2018, went blind within 2 weeks, and had issues with his eyes ever since. We finally got things back on track, but out of nowhere, Thursday the 28th he couldn't walk. He was struggling so badly so we took him to the vet and they gave us pain meds. Friday he refused to eat or walk so we took him back to the vet and they told us to think about euthanasia. That felt like a punch to the gut. When we woke up on Saturday, Patches could barely move or breathe. He had an appointment for that afternoon at 3:30pm. Our doctor called to check in on him, so my dad told him that things were not looking so good and we all decided on putting him to sleep. 

It was the most difficult thing we've ever had to go through. There's not a day that goes by that we don't think of him. I keep getting flashbacks of those dreaded 3 days, especially that Saturday. The pain is so real and even though he passed on last month, it feels like it happened just yesterday. Our vet recommended waiting at least a year before getting another dog. We got a puppy within a month and severely regret it. We have since contacted the rescue group and talked with them about everything and luckily they completely understood. We're fostering him now until he finds his forever home.

Don't rush the process. It will most certainly take time to work though. Like someone already mentioned, it's not "getting over it," it's dealing with the pain and heartache. I'm sure it was difficult seeing your little girl in pain. You did the right thing for her even though it might not feel that way sometimes. There are so many books to read about pet loss and grief. I recommend "Signs from Pets in the Afterlife" as well as, "Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates: A Book of Hope for Those Who Have Lost a Pet." I just found this group a few days ago, but I'm so happy that I did. It has helped me quite a bit so far. 

Do what you can to memorialise your dear Chloe. For me, I find writing and drawing very therapeutic. I've also created picture collages and lit a virtual candle in his memory. Journaling can be a great outlet as well. I enjoy writing all of the memories Patches and I shared throughout these past 11 years. It helps me to remember all of the good times. It's also a nice way to have things written out so that I don't have to constantly have them in my head to remember them. Once my thoughts are physically out there, I feel like my brain has more space. I'm not sure if that made any sense. 

You are not alone in this. Look at pictures, write, draw, remember her. Do whatever you need to do to be at peace. Chloe knows how much you love her. Look for signs that she might be sending you. I find great comfort in those things. For example, about a week after we lost our boy, I was thinking about him before work. When I got into my car, the song, "I See You" by Missio started playing. I started crying so bad and I had the strongest feeling that it was Patches telling me that he sees me and that he's telling me he's okay now. Whenever I hear that song I think of him. If there was a special number that you and Chloe shared, or a special number to her, look out for it. We got Patches when I was 11 years old. He passed away on his 11th birthday. Whenever I look at the time, it's 11:11. His birthday is 3/30/2008. He passed away on 3/30/2019. The time for his very last appointment was 3:30pm. 

I wish you the best with your journey to finding peace. Take as long as you need and know that Chloe loves you. 
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