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RobynMissesSaxon

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Posts: 148
 #1 
Thank God for this website because not many people understand what I am going through right now. My baby boy Saxon was only 9 years old. He was a 3lb Yorkie and ADORABLE.  I was hoping I had more time with him. He had some problems lately. I took him to the vet a couple of months ago and they said he had kidney failure and stones. They did surgery and things were looking better but he developed a cough. I thought it was just allergies so I let it go. He coughed all the time forever so I didn't think much of it. He was fine all day yesterday. Playing and eating his rawhide bone. Then in the middle of the night my dad said he was having trouble breathing so he laid next to him and said he calmed down. Well, when we woke up this morning he was behind the entertainment center dead. I can't believe it. I went for a ride today and cried the entire time because he was always with me in the car. I am devastated beyond belief. I miss him so much. I also have another Yorkie Rusty who I am now worried about. They were so close. He misses his brother. I showed Saxon to Rusty before we buried him because someone said you should do that. I hope it was the right decision.
kittiekat

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Posts: 215
 #2 
Oh Robyn, I am so sorry for your loss.  I PTS my Smokey on Thursday.  I know the grief and pain you are dealing with and so do others here.  I am new to this site, but have received so much warmth and compassion.  Please know that Saxon was greeted by many of our beloved pets as he crossed over.  And there are so many good posts to read.  God be with and I'll pray for you and Saxon.

Kittiekat
RobynMissesSaxon

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Posts: 148
 #3 
Thank you Kat! Your post made me cry. I am still in shock I think. My prayers are with you and Smokey. I hope they are having fun wherever they are.
Mary

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Posts: 1,400
 #4 
I am so very sorry for your loss of Saxon.   We make decisions for our pets based on our true love for them.  I can tell you and Saxon has a special bond and you loved each other very much.

Please know that we all all here for you and understand your pain.  Take your time to grive and remember your best friend.  It hurts so much because of the termendous love you have for Saxon.

Keep him close to you in your heart. 

My prayers are with you and Saxon.

Many hugs,
Mary
Meisters Mom 
fab1835

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Posts: 104
 #5 
Dear Robyn,

  I understand your pain and grief over Saxon's passing. On Feb.9 our yorkie
Jingles died due to a collapsed trachea.He would have been 6 years old in February.Not a day goes by that I don't think about him and miss him.Saxon was very young also.I know he is playing with my Jingles at Rainbow Bridge. I will keep you in my prayers.
                                         Jingles mom
MaxsMom

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Posts: 258
 #6 
Dear Robyn,

I am so very sorry for your loss of your precious Saxon.  My heart goes out to you and I know how difficult it is to go through this.  I lost my little ShihTzu, Max, to acute congestive heart failure back in December and I still miss him so much.  Max was just 11 years old. Like you,  I had also hoped to have a few more years with him since little dogs often live to 15 or so.  He had a bout of pancreatitis in October and was very ill, but he recovered and seemed to be doing fine.  Around December 3rd or 4th he began to cough but I also thought it was his usual allergies and throat-clearing cough that he always had.  But on the 7th it suddenly worsened and by the 8th, a Saturday, his breathing seemed a bit labored.  I ended up going to the emergency vet in the middle of the night and was told that he had severe congestive heart failure and that his chances were very slim.  I made the decision to have him put to sleep, a choice I never thought I could make.  I was devastated.  I still struggle with guilt and self-doubt at times, over not having taken action sooner, and over making that final decision. 

I wanted to share my story with you in the hopes that it will help you to know that others have gone through what you are going through now, and we understand.  I am so happy that you found this site and I hope that you find comfort here, and a place to share your grief.  Please know that you were a good Mom to your sweet Saxon.  It is so clear that you loved your little guy very much.  We just can't always know how things will turn out and we can only do our best.  You did that, and Saxon knew that he was loved.

I will ask Max to find Saxon at the Bridge and watch over him.  I'm sure he'll be happy to show him the ropes!  Please be comforted knowing that Saxon is restored to health and vitality and is running and playing with all of our angels.  You and Saxon are in my thoughts and prayers.

Warm Hugs,
MaxsMom ~ Joanne
Jacki

Registered:
Posts: 175
 #7 
Dear Robyn,

      I am so sorry for your shocking and unexpected loss. A 3lb yorkie! He must have been just absolutely adorable. I know the pain you are feeling, but please know that Saxon will be happy and healthy with all of our furbabies. That doesn't help all of us left behind which is why this website is so wonderful.We are here to get each other through this until we are all reunited with our furangels. My thoughts are with you!


                                            Jacki, Baby Bunz Mommy



                                                    
Nancee

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Posts: 1,328
 #8 

Robyn--Sorry about the loss of Saxon. It sounds like it was so unexpected which gave you no time to prepare emotionally. I always think that's harder than when you know their really ill, at least you can prepare a bit for what's to come. You really cared about him and did so much for him. Take care.

RobynMissesSaxon

Registered:
Posts: 148
 #9 
Thank you guys so much for the kind words. I can't stop crying. Every single thing I do reminds me of him and I can't get over not having him cuddling next to me right now. I can see his little grave out of the window. This is unbearable. I also see my other Yorkie Rusty looking all over for him. For those of you with another dog how do you handle this? He just looks at me like "whats going on mom?" He and Saxon were so close. I felt bad leaving the house with them here now I'll have to leave Rusty by himself.
MYFAV5

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Posts: 730
 #10 
My heart goes out to you and your family (fur & human) for your loss.

When my oldest dog died two years ago tomorrow @ home, I too let my other dogs smell him and buried him in the backyard. Little Bit would sit beside his grave and finally I went and talked to him while he sat beside it. Blue (who passed last Monday night) tried to dig the grave & when I told her he couldn't come back, she looked at me like, "He's not supposed to be there, he's supposed to be up here with us!" :( I just talked to them both and eventually they let it go.

Maybe get a toy or something of your Yorkie and let the other one sleep with it so they still have his scent. Talk to them too.

Hugs;
Lisa
sweetpepe

Registered:
Posts: 143
 #11 
(((((((Robyn))))))))))))

I am so sorry for your loss.  What a terrible shock for you.  And I feel so badly for Rusty too.  He will miss his brother for sure.    I know when our daughter's golden lab died at home this past January, his brother was very depressed.  My daughter took him for more walks and did all she could to help him.  Dogs feel the loss of their furry friends and playmates as much as we do.  Sadly they aren't able to talk to us and tell us all that they are feeling, but we can see it in their eyes and their body language.

I am glad you found this site.  I know it's been a great comfort to me and I am sure it will help you through the difficult times ahead.  Take good care.
RobynMissesSaxon

Registered:
Posts: 148
 #12 
I will take that advice. Thank you guys. I also would love to post a pic. How can I do that?
MYFAV5

Registered:
Posts: 730
 #13 

Hi Robyn. There's a pinned topic @ the beginning of the grief support forum and it tells you how to post pics.

RobynMissesSaxon

Registered:
Posts: 148
 #14 
Thanks for the message MyFav. I'm still trying to figure out if I posted a picture correctly. The candle ceremony last night had me in tears for atleast an hour but it was sweet. I'm so happy I found this site. I've been telling my other pet loving friends about it.
Nuggetsmum

Registered:
Posts: 251
 #15 
Oh my Robyn,

First of all I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart for your loss.....I felt sick to my stomach and I am crying now as I read your post and as I write to you. I just can't imagine how that must have been for you, finding your baby that way. I am so sorry.

I just don't know what to say, I have lit a candle for your Saxon and for you....we are all here for you as you deal with the pain and agony....your baby boy is now in a better place and he is healthy.

I can't wait to see a picture.

Lots of love Nuggetsmum Alana
wab119aolcom

Registered:
Posts: 272
 #16 
I am so very sorry for your loss. A year ago tomorrow my beautiful boxer of 13 1/2 passed and I am still in pain. They mean so much to us. Again I am so very very sorry

Jan
imissmyLou

Registered:
Posts: 23
 #17 

I am sorry for you loss and my heart and prayers go out to you.  I know that loosing him so suddenly really messes with you mentally, emotionally and soon physically.  It will be 5 weeks tomorrow that Louie was PTS, he too was a yorkie.  He went so suddenly and unexpectedly.  Still to this day it hurts just as much as that dreadful rainy day.  I know it is hard but try to find comfort in anything.  I know that our pets are amongst us in spirit and they love and miss us as much as we do them.  Know he is in a better place and not sick.  Louie always did a weird breathing coughing thing too. The vet never said anything about it but I think he had asthma or allergies.  I miss my little Lou.  What I would give for just 5 mins to feel his soft furry body, smell his ears and hear his nail on the floor.  I miss the little things.  Please keep coming here this is a great place with people who are feeling the same as you are.  My prayers are with you and Rusty. 

~d Louieā€™s Mom

RobynMissesSaxon

Registered:
Posts: 148
 #18 
Thank you for lighting the candle for us. I can't do anything without thinking about my mouse. I went to turn on the bath water and all I could think of was that I would never be able to give him a bath again.(he hated bath time so I'm sure he's not sad about that one) I walk outside and I don't see him sunbathing. The car rides are the worst. That was one of his favorite things in the world. He would spin like crazy waiting for me to open the door. I absolutely know what a broken heart feels like.
Gypsymagic

Registered:
Posts: 219
 #19 

Robyn,  I think maybe Saxon knew how hard it would be for you to watch him leave--so he didn't come to find you, to try to save you some of that pain. Sometimes they do come--my little one climbed a flight of stairs that we had been carrying her up for months and came to my office to be with me on the night before (when I thought she was sound asleep downstairs with her dad). I felt so badly that I didn't bring her up, but she did what she needed to do. My Layla always slept on our bed, but sometimes when she dozed off on her downstairs pillow (one of many) I would go up to my office and let her sleep in peace. I'll always regret that I didn't save her that last trip up those stairs, but it is what is is--she made her choice. I have had two dogs die in the middle of the night during the last year--not Layla, my heart and soul, but two others who were loved very much. I think they make their own decisions sometimes about what is best for them and us. Layla waited until I was back from vacation, and then she gave me another two weeks of knowing she was going downhill fast--but I could never have adjusted to losing her, no matter how much time we had.  I wish that she could have died naturally in my arms, but it wasn't to be. I never thought I could take her there for the last time, to hold her while she left me, but when the time came I knew that I absolutely had no other choice. I could NOT allow her to leave without her mom kissing and loving on her, when I had the choice, no matter how much it killed me to watch her pass away. It was so peaceful though--I had feared it might not be, but it was a gentle falling asleep into that last goodnight.

ravendewynter13

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #20 
Robyn
The same thing happened to us July 5th. My sister's ferret Hayden died.  He had been having serious health issues but we thought we had gotten through all those and he was on his way to recovery. I'll never forget the sound my sister made when she woke me up at 230 in the morning and sobbed that Hayden was dead.  It was unexpected and I've had a lot of anger issues with the vet that I just can't bring myself to discuss right now.  I'm so sorry for your loss and trust me when I say there are people going through the same thing you are so you are not alone.  I wish I could say something that would help but I know better. People have tried comforting me but it just doesn't work. 
I hope you see better days and signs that your baby is still with you if only in spirit form.
RobynMissesSaxon

Registered:
Posts: 148
 #21 
Wow back to work today and I almost called in and told them I wasn't coming. It was so hard and I was so sick to my stomach. I work with kids so they kind of took my mind off of it for a few seconds. I'm on break now and dreading going back. I need anti-anxiety meds BAD.
Gruntsmomforever

Registered:
Posts: 699
 #22 
Dear Robyn,

I am so sorry about your Beloved little Saxon - I can only imagine how your heart broke when you found your little boy.  I've heard that dogs and cats sometimes go off somewhere to pass on their own, maybe that's what happened.  My Boxer boy, Grunt, as his illness progressed would go off to be alone in another room, which was an indicator to me that he didn't have much time left.  (He didn't go on his own though, I had to help him to the Bridge). He was normally ALWAYS by my side.  Losing a precious companion and friend is devastating and I so feel your pain.  Here, you've found a good and safe place to come, where everyone understands and knows the depth of your grief.  We are all helping each other - it's difficult, but it helps to know we're not alone.

I'm saying a special prayer for the treasure in your heart, your Saxon.

Hugs,
Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever   
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