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Daisymeld

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Posts: 2
 #1 
This morning started out as any other morning, get the kids up and off to school, make the coffee, feed my small zoo, my beloved zoo of fur babies. This morning would prove to be very different in that one small mistake would lead to a fatal one. My house is guarded, fenced and has designated pet only zones to ensure their safety...however in the scurry of the morning I left one of those gates open as well as the back door that leads to the pool. Making coffee, it dawned on me that I hadn’t seen Buster in a few minutes since I let him out of his cage and was waiting for some food. Noticing I hadn’t seen him, I realized then the gate was open and my first thought was that he was in the living room sniffing around but as I went to the living room I noticed the back door still open. I quickly noticed the pool water was not still and there is when I saw my fur baby, just two months short of being 16 years old, floating in the pool. It was all a matter of minutes and completely surreal. How will I ever walk past that pool as I do everyday without inflicting pain????I was awake in a nightmare, my world came crashing down on me all at once. This isn’t happening, I wanted to die with him. I’m screaming and chanting NO NO NO as loud as one could while tearing off my shoes and jump fully clothed into the pool to pull out my dead baby. My boys came running to help me and give him CPR but after that it’s all a blur. I somehow managed to get my clothes changed and next I was calling my boyfriend but couldn’t get words out, all he heard was wailing and screaming. Next I was laying on the cold bathroom floor lost in tragic pain wanting so bad to wake up from this nightmare. Crying in disbelief and the unbearable guilt sets in, this IS my fault, my carelessness and not how I ever envisioned Buster leaving me. I’ve cared for him and protected him all his sweet life. I’ve catered to his ailing last years preparing special food every few days to changing potty pads 5 times a day. This sweet ball of fur has given me some of the best years of my life. I could never imagine life without him. I used to joke with my ex-husband that I would have him stuffed one day. Well that day is here and I lay in bed without a care in the world as I grieve for Buster and hope he didn’t suffer while his lungs filled with cold pool water. I hope to God he was so senile he didn’t think to himself “where is my mommy to protect me and get me out of this pool”. I’m so sorry Buster. So sorry. Since the day I got you at 8 weeks old and you were barely a pound, I have treasured every damn moment. I am so grateful for those almost 16 years. Such a lucky mom to have had what I thought was THEE perfect dog 💔💔💔
I WILL MISS YOU ❤️❤️
Buster April 1, 2003-February 6, 2019 The most perfect Maltese in the world.
cosesmom

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Posts: 580
 #2 
Buster's mom
I am so, so very sorry. Please be kind to yourself, Buster would want that. We all make mistakes. It was tragic accident, nothing more. Buster does not blame you. He is at peace and will be waiting for you at the Bridge where he will shower you with doggie kisses. I wish I could say the words to make you feel better and ease your broken heart but sadly I don't. You have all the support and comfort that I can send your way. Nothing will ever fill the void that our babies leave in our hearts when they go. My sweet Termy has been gone almost 18 months and I still grieve for him and always will. As I reply to your post my heart hurts and I am choking back the tears for I feel your hurt. Again, I am so very sorry. Hols onto the journey you shared and made with Buster.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
Sweetpea7

Registered:
Posts: 34
 #3 
I am so sorry!My heart goes out to you. We are all human.Accidents happen.Like cosesmom ,I Wish There was something I could say to ease your pain. For now just know My heart aches for what you are going through.
I’m still grieving over the loss of my two sweet kitties,both past in the last few months.
Sending Prayers and ((hugs)) I’m so very sorry😢

Peanut and Spankys mom
LyndaN

Registered:
Posts: 333
 #4 
Dear friend,
I have a special prayer for animals in their last moments, that an angel will be by their side giving them strength and soothing their fear.   I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing we can do to stop ourselves from making these kind of mistakes as human beings and that is only by the grace of God that some of hasn't made some similar mistake.  I came very, very close to backing up and running over my elderly dog with a truck some months ago.  My husband and I would both be to blame. He had the dog out running around and I somehow failed to see her.  As it was, I bumped her slightly and heard him screaming in time (I wear hearing aids and miss sounds). 

I lost my beloved son in 2014 and went though this blaming and hating of myself for things I failed to see on that ordinary and very busy day.  If only, if only.  I have learned to be at peace with myself and to forgive myself for what I saw as failures on my part.  I worried and worried that he was alone, but I believe now that angels and loved ones were right there with him.  I believe our animals are cared for in this way as well. 

I hope you can find some peace.  It sounds like you were a GREAT, TERRIFIC pet parent.

Lynda
Daisymeld

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #5 
Termysmom - I am also so sorry about your sweet baby's passing. I really appreciate your sweet words and reply. You're right, nothing makes this easier except time.  Very hard each and every day that I pass my swimming pool but I find myself staring at the spot I found him in the pool hoping to see a reflection from the clouds above that may show me anything - something I read us grievers do - search for our loved ones in nature or what have you.  I am taking day by day and appreciate the time and thoughtfulness of each and everyone that is supporting me during this time.  I have never lost anything close to me so this hits hard.  Thank you.  

Peanut and Spankys Mom - that is SO awful to lost 2 kitties so close together - I am so utterly sorry.  I can't handle the loss of one let alone two.  I do hope your heart mends and finds peace.  I find solace in memorializing by baby in anyway possible  - photo book, photo pillow, jewelry, all his clothing I had for him, especially the sweater he was wearing when I found him in the pool.  That is very special to me and so sad at the same time.  I also have a stuffed animal that looks just like Buster - white and fluffy, I put the sweater on the stuffed animal and then his collar on too.  I don't know what I am doing but I know it provides comfort.  This hurts real bad and I am so sorry about your kitties.  All my condolences and warm heartfelt thoughts.  Thank you for replying!  

Lynda - Thank you too for your loving reply.  I am saddened by the loss of your son.  I just cant imagine the pain you went through/are going through.  I know that something you learn to live with - the pain.  I am working on the guilt thing.  I play it over and over in my head why he headed straight to the back door.  He could barely see as it was and the door was only open 4 inches - I just still don't understand. It also pains me to wonder, and will forever wonder, if he actually drowned or suffered cardiac arrest from the frigidly cold water.  Then I wonder if I did enough to save him - I was so distraught, I didn't even administer CPR or anything right away - my boys (12 & 16) did but not sure they even knew how to.  He was so elderly I don't think he could have survived anyway.  I wonder everyday if its true what some people are telling me, that he chose to have this "accident" - it wasn't my decision - it was his way, time and decision. I just don't know what I believe.  I know I need to stop putting so much thought into that awful day and what happened and what he went through in those few minutes and instead focus on his long beautiful life - he was my buddy, my love - everything.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to support me.  I truly treasure it.  I wish for you peace as well!   

Thank you to everyone.  
~Melanie - Buster's mom 



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