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Posts: 2
On 2nd June my adored 5 year old cat passed away. My best friend bought him for me for my 18th birthday. He was the most loveable animal I have ever had and I miss him beyond words 😭. He was laid behind a car in my drive and my sisters partner ran him over. He was taken to the vets but there was nothing they could do so between themselves and my mum they made the decision to have him put to sleep. I was at work during all of this so I didn’t even get to say bye. The grief is like nothing I have ever experienced, I didn’t know you could grieve so much for a cat. He was my little best friend and we adored eachother.. 8 weeks in and it still hurts so much. He had an amazing relationship with my 7 year old Patterjack, who saw it all happen. He has been a different dog since this happened and has run away a few times (never done this before). It is heartbreaking to see him hurting so much 😣.
I’m not really sure why I’m writing this but it would just be nice to know I’m not the only one feeling like this.

Posts: 304
ASO2..please know that you're not alone in the way you feel. Pets have a special relationship with us, they love us unconditionally. You've come to the right place to seek comfort. There's no certain time on how long we grieve. Some longer than others. Your cat wasn't that old but I'm sure he felt so much love in his years with you. 

Linda...Macy's mom.

Posts: 730
I am so very sorry you've lost your best little friend.  The shock hits you like a ton of bricks, then it's followed by the grief that can bring you to your knees.  You're right, there is no way you could ever know what it's like to experience this kind of grief until it actually happens to you.  If any of us knew, we'd never HAVE a pet for fear of losing them and feeling this intense, unrelenting, dark and awful sadness that grips us when the worst thing happens.

What I know is that your little cat spent his too-short life in the company of a person who loved him beyond measure.  He does NOT share the sadness you feel, and does not have the pictures in your head of imagining his last moments.  He passed exactly as he lived, inside the warmth and love of his person right up to the end.  The fact that you were not with him at the end doesn't change this fact.  You were not there when he died, but you were there when he LIVED, and this is infinitely more important.  All he knows is that he lived a life of security and comfort, free to be the best little cat he could be, and then, nothing.  It's you who is left to sort out what life looks like without him - whatever new 'normal' lies ahead.

I wish I had some secret recipe I could share with you about what happens next.  But I can't.  You've never lost him before and there is no benchmark, no guideline, that tells you how you're supposed to grieve.  He was unique, and his loss is unique to you.  Yes, we are all here on this message board because we've lost a special family member, but the experience is so very different for each person because we all grieve differently.

But please, take a deep breath, feel my hand in yours, and know that somehow, at some time, this dreadful, awful ache starts to diminish, little by little, until you find yourself thinking about what it was like to HAVE him in your life instead of what it's like to lose him.  It doesn't happen overnight, and some days it's two steps forward and three steps back, but it does happen.  Eventually, the darkness of his loss is replaced by a light from his life that takes up residence inside your heart - in a place where he is safe, secure and loved forever.  You can never lose him again, and it's the love you shared in this relationship that will over come the grief and stay inside you all your life.  I know.  

But, right now, there is only the shock and pain.  And he deserves every sleepless night and every ache you feel in your body and your mind.  He was so very special, he knew you better than any other creature on earth, and you shared something unique with him that no one else could ever understand. You've lost him, but you'll never lose the love or the relationship - an experience that has changed you profoundly and taught you the meaning of selfless devotion and unconditional love.  Every relationship you ever have, with a person or with another pet, will be made better, more profound, simply because he showed you how important it is to open yourself to what love can look like.  All this from a little cat who had no idea how much he'd change you forever.

If all he was granted was 5 years on this earth, then I am so very glad those years were spent with someone like you - but I am also so very sorry you're in this awful place.  Hold tight.  Know that love survives, and know that you are not alone - not here.  Write again, please.  I'd love to hear more about him, how you came to be together, and how he made such a difference in your life. I am thinking about you, and know, truly, what this feels like.     



Posts: 104
I am very sorry for your loss. There are people here who care and understand. Hugs.

Paula- Raider’s mom

Posts: 994

Hello AS02,

  You wrote:  " The grief is like nothing I have ever experienced, I didn’t know you could grieve so much for a cat."

  I know what you mean.  My grief now is years ago.  Tuffy passed Feb 19, 2014, Toby passed Jan 19, 2015.    I'm tearing up now .. years later.  

  We grieve because we love.  And when we love deeply, we grieve deeply.   I knew losing Tuffy would be hard, yet the actual loss was far worse than I had imagined. Lost my Mom the year before, and Dad the year before that.  Grieved them both deeply yet losing Tuffy was worse. It wasn't a choice to grieve him that deeply.  I felt guilty at first, how could I grieve him deeper than my parents?  I understand now, as others in this thread have mentioned.  Unconditional love.  The love of a pet is something so special.  They depend on us, and give us so much.

  We here do understand.  It takes time to learn to live with loss.  Life goes on and I believe we will meet again.  

Tuffy, Toby, Ellie and Missy's Dad


Posts: 2
Thank you so much for this message. I literally can’t put into words how it’s made me feel. Ginge was just always there for me, he knew I was his mummy. He would greet me outside in the drive and throw himself around the floor meowing, it’s the little things like that I miss. As he was only 5, I imagined him moving out with me, my future kids growing up around him. I thought I would have him until I was at least in my early 30’s. I have planted flowers in the garden, one of them being an orange zinnia profusion.. yesterday I had this flower tattoo’d on my arm in black and grey with the little flowers in the middle orange.. have a look online, it’s gorgeous.
Again, thank you for the message I really appreciate it. Xx
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