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Posts: 46

This week will mark 1 month that my girl went to the Rainbow Bridge.  Correct that, that I had to send my girl to the Rainbow Bridge.

I miss my girl so very much that I can’t even put it into words.  She was always so happy  - so much love coming from that soul.  I absolutely, without a doubt, know how much she loved me.  I could see it in her face when she would run to me and roll around the floor being the goof ball that she was.  Did she know how much I loved her?  How do I know?

One day, she was great.  Her usually nutty self.  Playing around and looking for treats.  Overnight, she threw up a couple of times and, being older, I just thought she was having a bad day.  That bad day never improved.  Would things have changed if I had taken her into the vet earlier – would it have been a different outcome?

My girl was amazing – a miracle!  We almost lost her twice when she was a pup and, the fighter she was, she pulled through.  Did I make the decision too soon?  Did I not give her the chance to fight this time?  We were told it was pancreatitis.  How does that happen overnight?  Did I give up on my girl? Should I have given it a little more time?

I always felt so safe with my girl – no matter what!  Even when she was afraid, with thunderstorms and fireworks, I knew she would give up her life for me! I was never afraid.

I miss that face in the window when I would come home  - I still look for it every day.  I still wish for her to be back every day – that this was all just a bad dream and she is just really laying on the couch.  Kind of immature, isn’t it.  Wishing for something I know that can’t ever be again.  Knowing that although there are traces of her around the house, I will NEVER see my girl again in this lifetime. Calm to anger to despair and everything in between.

With all of the good intent, sayings such as “she is in your heart”, etc., are just empty words to me right now.  Like bad greeting cards.  I just want to scream “stop” with all of it because it doesn’t feel as if it offers any proof that she is anywhere, except not here!  No signs, no visits, nothing.

My family deals with it much differently than I do and that is ok, I am glad for them.  We got new puppies, and they are cute – crazy boys.  To me, it feels like trying to replace her or that “now that this chapter is over, time to move on”.  I feel like I have to carry the torch, so to speak, so she doesn’t ever feel like we replaced her that that my home isn’t her home any longer.  I don’t want her to think that I will ever forget her.  For some, it is out of sight, out of mind, and she deserves so much more than that.

She left on 12/12 – 12 days until Christmas – and she was 12.  I hate that number!  How did that time go so quickly! Believe me when I say I know I was blessed, but for now, that feels like a consolation prize.

I don’t know how to get through this, I don’t know how to pretend that everything is ok for the family so they don’t get mad when I just can’t smile.  I just don’t know if she KNOWS how much I LOVE AND MISS her!!!!


Posts: 580
SHE KNOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your girl does know how much you love her. I know how you feel about your family moving on. I to am alone for my husband seems to have moved on but I still grieve for Termy everyday. Some of us find comfort in the words " still in your heart" I do but like you it just isn't enough. Having our babies back is always for front in our minds even if we know that will never happen. I to wonder if I rushed my decision and sometimes think I should have waited another day, I think this is normal part of grieving. I am reading a lot about pet loss and what feelings are normal. Each of us need to grieve in what feels right for each of us. I find comfort in knowing that I let him go out of love. It hurts still knowing I was the reason he is gone but I would have never wanted him to suffer one minuet more and I feel as you do, I hope he knows how much I love him. But we don't have to wonder because they knew. They wouldn't have had it any other way.
I'm sorry that you have such heart ache and I wish none of us here ever had to hurt the way we do.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom

Posts: 40
I prayed for god to send me signs from my boy Lucky , I have been dreaming that he is healthy again. I also hear and feel my Lucky all the time at home and in the car. Even when I am in the store.I have pictures on my cellphone him laying at the bottom of the stairs in our home. One night I was crying for him so bad I had a very strong since before I opened the bathroom door and sure enough he was standing there I took a picture of him standing there. I do strongly believe he can hear me. Because I will talk to him by his name or I will say its mommy and he will moan or whine for me. Also one night I was watching TV on our bed and suddenly I felt him jump on our bed. He has been sleeping on our bed by me every night since then. Because I will hear him and feel him. In the mornings when I make the bed he gets irritated that I am making the bed because he will make a moaning noise. We had a very loving and close bond. Even though he has passed away I feel our strong bond will always will be there

Posts: 46
Thank you for your responses. The thing that really kills me is that I think that if Intook her to the vet earlier or gave her more time, she would still be here. I feel so unworthy of her :-(
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