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Bjm3805

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Posts: 2
 #1 
I decided on Monday to put my best friend down and I am feeling overwhelming guilt right now. I have been struggling for the last two days, and today I am questioning whether I should have waited a bit.

He was a 13.5 year old unique grey Labradoodle. He was 80lbs in his prime, but had lost quite a bit of weight due to a loss of muscle in his hind legs. He had several large tumors and growths, but none of them seemed to bother him.

For the last 2 years, he has been losing significant muscle mass in his hind legs, requiring braces and adequan shots. It has kept him functioning ok.

3 weeks ago he started "knuckling" his back paws and struggling to stand. It got worse quickly. My vet didn't have treatment services available, so I went to a secondary vet where they started cold laser therapy, increased gabapentin and anti-inflammatory medicine. They stated he has paralysis setting in on his back legs. He started to do a bit better with the treatment.

However, on Saturday, he reverted back and started to lose his balance. He could stand and walk, but only short distances. 

We also noticed his urine was bloody. Despite the fact he could still walk, relieve himself, and was in no noticeable pain, it hurt so much to see him struggling. All vets I talked to believed he had been fighting cancer and potentially neurological mylopothy. Despite this, he never had any accidents, and could still somewhat make it outside. 

I am feeling guilt that I didn't wait a bit longer to see if he rebounded. There were several nights in the last 3 weeks were he was "stuck" on the kitchen floor and I needed to help him up, but he was being tough and never acted in pain.

I was fearful in waiting too long before he was truly incapacitated so I believed that relieving him of his discomfort would be best.

Now I am miserable...
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 465
 #2 
My dear friend,
You did the right thing. You will have regrets and feel a lot of guilt but please, try to let it go. I watched mt beloved Termy go down hill for about six months and there came a time when I couldn't stand to see him suffer anymore. We give them our final act of love to release them from a body that no longer gives them a quality of life. I know you love him more than anything in the world and your pain is over whelming and you feel lost but be gentle with yourself. Give yourself time. Cry all you need to but never doubt that you did a heroic thing for your beloved. Our pets love us and will always live on in our hearts. Sometimes when people say remember the life you shared with them sounds a bit cliche' but it is all about the journey.
You pain will continue and grief will over whelm you at times but it's part of loving them and being loved by them.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
Bjm3805

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #3 
Termy's mom,
Thank you so much for such kind words. I cannot express how grateful I am that you would take the time out to help a complete stranger. 

cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 465
 #4 
Your very welcome. I know the pain you are going through and will for a while. Never doubt the love, it's all we have.
Termy's mom
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