Registered: 1519825191 Posts: 3
Yesterday we put our Alfie to sleep. He was a Lhasa apso dog and was 13. He had been in my family since I was 11 we got him as a puppy. He had arthritis in his back legs for a good few years and started to struggle to get up the stairs and his legs would bow so much when he walked. He was our baby but he was never the perfect dog, he had bitten a few people including myself over the years and luckily the others he had bitten hadn’t reported him and we probably wrongly chose to carry on like normal knowing in the back of our heads we should have probably put him down after he’d bitten a few people. We recently decided that it was not safe for him to be around, as he did bite and I now have a 7 month old baby who started to try and touch him but we would never let him near him and it became stressful. I know putting him to sleep yesterday was the right thing, he was pretty old and had so many lumps and bumps, and with the biting we couldn’t risk it anymore. But the thing I feel most guilty about is we didn’t put him to sleep because he had an illness suddenly or got ill, it was just a random decision that the time was now right. He still got excited to go on walks and the thing that is breaking my heart the most is that when we took him to the vet he got excited because he thought he was going for a walk , he had no idea he was going to die. I thought I was ok with the decision because I feel like I have to protect my son now but today I am just riddled with guilt and feel like there is a hole in my heart. I’m hurting so bad and just feel awful. I miss him so much he has been around for half of my life. I’m just going round my mothers house trying to find things that smell of him. I think he could have quite happily lived a little longer and it’s breaking my heart. Before the vet euthanised him I said his legs are really bad arnt they snd he said yeah they are pretty bad, and he said he had the start of glacouma in his eyes. I don’t really know what I expect anyone to say to this post I just feel like I need to vent how I feel. Or some reassurance we didn’t end his life too early, I don’t know :(
Registered: 1158205770 Posts: 839
I am so sorry for your loss. Please do not blame yourself. Your vet agreed that Alfie's legs were getting bad and I doubt that he was able to walk without feeling a lot of pain.
I have chronic pain from arthritis even with medication. Going for walks is a very special time with the person they love and they would endure a lot to be with you. Instead of dwelling on his loss, which we all do, try to remember all the love and joy you shared with him. I know it might seem impossible but it helps. All the cuddles, belly rubs, the walks you shared will in timeo bring smiles instead of tears. I have had many fur kids and the joy of sharing their lives is never ending. Love never dies, it is the one constant in our lives. Please take care and God bless you.
Registered: 1519825191 Posts: 3
Thank you for your kind words and reassurance twinkiesmom. This is the first dog I’ve lost in my life and feels like the sadness is going to last for ever right now but it’s still so raw