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Buster_Smith

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Posts: 2
 #1 
On Friday my beautiful 8 year old retriever/lab  cross Millie came limping inside screaming in pain.We rushed her to the vet and to our utter horror on Xray found she had a large tumour on her leg which had caused a fracture and that the cancer had already spread to her chest.
We did spend about an hour with her before on the vets strong advise putting her to sleep.
I feel like we failed her and my heart is breaking, cant eat, cant sleep and her brother Louis wont do anything except ly in her bed.I lost both my parents very closely together 2 years ago and my fur babys helped me get through that terrible time.Just feel like this grief and sadness is completely overwhelming me

grievingmom

Registered:
Posts: 639
 #2 
Hello,

It feels like it is overwhelming you because it "is" overwhelming you. And that's OK. I mean it's OK that you feel overwhelmed. Don't second guess yourself for feeling this way. Millie's death has come as a complete shock to you...and it has been a trauma. Trauma
overwhelms us. That's the definition of trauma. You did not go to the vet expecting it was going to be the last time you had Millie
in your life. You were there to get her better so you could continue with a happy life. Never in the world did you expect 24 hours before all of this happened that in 24 hours she would be put to sleep.

I had a very similar experience with my Tum. The light of my life..Tum, my soulmate, my partner in life. In a nutshell I took her to the vet and found out she had cancer (had no idea, thought her actions were "old age") and I left there without her (euthanasia). We had 16 beautiful years together. I was a basket case for a very long time. I wanted to die myself. My parents also had died close in time. In fact they died
within 24 hours of each other 11 months before Tum's passing.

Sincerely,
Stephanie
lovemyboys

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #3 
I am so sorry to hear this. We had a similar situation--an unexpected death due to cancer found in the chest that was flooding my boy's heart. Like your pup, mine was too young to go so soon, and his "brother" was nearly comatose for 4 days afterward. I couldn't get out of bed, shower, or eat, for over 9 days, and now, three and a half weeks into things, I am still just barely getting through the day. One meal a day because I have to cook for my family, and in bed as much as possible. I work for myself and have been barely keeping up with even the most minimal of work duties. There are days where I think I am feeling better and then I start to relive it all. The shock of the loss was so overwhelming, and I just cannot accept it. It was evening, an ER situation at a hospital we know but with doctors we did not know. We were able to get our regular vet on the phone to hear her opinion. It all felt chaotic and urgent and like we didn't have time to even think. We did spend about an hour with him before they did it. I cherish that memory. We thought we would have years and I went through a solid week or questioning how it could have all played out differently, but three vets and my brother who is an MD all said the same. Nothing could have been done, even by the cardiologist. Like you, I had noticed "little" things along the way and I remember thinking, hmmm...but it wasn't enough to warrant anything even showing up in blood test results or an exam (because we did those!). In fact, his last recheck was three days before he died. It wasn't until the night he died that his situation really showed up loud and clear. Earlier that day, he bounded down the stairs, we even took a long walk. I never could have known that was my last day. I have very little support in the way of family or friends, and I was hurt by this at first and then realized it doesn't even matter. They can't bring him back and that's all I want, to have him back. I see your girl's name was Millie. My boy was Miles. If it helps at all, right now, I have realized that my only purpose is the dog I still have with me, and I know more than ever how precious that time is. I know he is hurting too, and I know how much his brother loved him. I am trying to use my energy to give him all the love I can, as a purpose to my day. Sending you a virtual hug.
Buster_Smith

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #4 
Hi Lovemyboys

Thank you for your response - I am so feeling your pain as well.
I have really struggled with not having any options to try and keep Millie with us, try chemo or whatever we could, even though my reason tells me the vets know when things are hopeless and always have our beloved pets best interests at heart.Like you the shock was so over whelming and it all happened so quickly, still struggling to accept it has really happened except Millie is not with us.Like you pup Millie had been at the vets quite recently for a check up as she had major knee surgery 18 months ago and had started to limp again.To know that a tumour actually fractured her leg is just horrendous - yet despite that she still hopped down the hall giving my husband a welcome home song when he rushed home from work to help me get her to the vet,
I work from home and now with the virus my husband is home as well so we have been able to spend a lot of time with her brother Louis - who just spends all his time in her bed, I think the virus and lockdown has just added another layer of grief and anxiety as well and also much like you I have struggled to keep up with work and just feel an over whelming exhaustion and seeing Louis grieving makes it all worse.I am lucky that my husband,family and all our friends have dogs and they do understand what we are going through.
Am trying hard just to have happy memories, know that Millie knew how much she was loved and we knew how much she loved us and now focus on Louis.
My thoughts and prayers are with you

Jean
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