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Rileysnana

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Posts: 8
 #1 
I am new to the board in search of some comfort. I lost my baby girl Boston Riley on Thursday night and my world is just crashing down. I can not bear the thought of never seeing her again. She was just 7 1/2 and was suffering from a brain tumor. She tried so hard to fight her seizures but just couldn't hold on anymore.

We had to put her to sleep Thursday night. I wrestle with the guilt of leaving her at the hospital for three days and not seeing her while she was there. I just kept thinking she was going to get better and come home. I was afraid if she saw me then she would long for me and would be sad when I left again. But now I feel horrible that maybe she thought I left her. When they called that night and told us she wasn't breathing well and was taking a serious turn for the worse. I couldn't believe my ears. She was really leaving me and I had to help her leave. I haven't eaten for two days and can barely stop crying for a minute. I am scared that I am never going to feel better. I don't want her to feel sad for me and want her to be happy and healthy at the bridge.
I miss her so much i can't stand it. I just can't believe this is real. Rileys Nana
WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #2 
Dear Riley's Nana,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved girl, Boston Riley.  I can sense the terrible pain you are feeling and wish I could somehow lessen it.  She was so young, which makes it so much more unbearable for you. 

Please know if Riley was having seizures at the hospital, she was not aware of much as seizures affect furbabies' level of alertness, awareness, and consciousness (the same way seizures affect humans).   One thing that the seizures could not take away was the love that Riley knew you had for her.   She knows your heart.  She could feel your love. Our babies carry our love for them in their hearts forever, so rest assured your girl felt your love.   And she STILL feels it.  She is now free of that awful brain tumor and has joined our beloved babies at the Bridge.   As soon as my beloved little terrier girl, Betsy, saw Riley approaching, Betsy yodeled her famous "WooWooWoo" greeting and welcomed her with open paws.  Riley is not alone.  She is surrounded by love at the Bridge and still feels your love.

One of the most cruel stages of grief is what many of us call the "what if/second guess/blame/doubt stage we all seem to go through.  Please be gentle with yourself.  Your loss is so new and raw.   Finding this site, I believe, is the first step toward healing for so many people.  You can tell us about your sweet Riley and we will listen with our hearts and mourn with you.  You are not alone.

I have lit an internet candle for Riley and you under her name.  To view it, go to the first page of Aurichwolf's thread entitled "Light a Candle Here" on this grief board and click on the little light a candle icon in her first post.  It will bring up a candle page.   This candle will burn for 48 hours.   You will be in my prayers.

Sending you healing hugs,
Melissa
Betsy's and Easy's forever grateful mom
kittiekat

Registered:
Posts: 215
 #3 
Hi Riley's Nana,

I'm so sorry about Riley.  Know that you took Riley's pain away and that he is at the bridge with all of our kids.  WooWooWoo said it best.  I'll keep you and Riley in my prayers.

Take care,

Marsha
Becky57

Registered:
Posts: 657
 #4 

I am so sorry Riley's Nana.  I am just so very sorry.  Losing my dog was the worst thing that ever happened to me in my life.  Coming here helps because everyone here listens and understands.

Rileysnana

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #5 
Thank you so much Melissa and Marsha,
Your messages help make a tough night a little more comforting. I really needed to hear that. Like everyone here. I really need all the help I can get.

The Internal Medicine specialist that cared for her while she was in the hospital called me tonight to tell me he was sorry for our loss and he wanted me to know that I did the right thing. He said he didn't feel that she suffered greatly because of her heavy sedation and we ended it quickly when she started taking the turn for the worse. I feel a little better just hearing him tell me we made the right choice in not going further.

But it doesn't help the emptiness I feel in my heart.

Thank you again
Riley's Nana- Jamie

Rileysnana

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #6 
Thank you Becky. This site is a blessing and so is all the caring members. I will keep you all in my prayers.

Love my baby Riley
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