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sharibella

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Posts: 28
 #1 
My baby Bella passed away on June 16th, 2008. I am just devastated. Bella was diagnosed with Diabetes on 6/7/08..I took her in for a Glucose curve on 6/11/08 and she began throwing up at the vet's office. That day she was diagnosed with pancreatitus. She had to stay at the vet and was treated with an IV, antibiotics, and insulin daily. I visited her every on Wed. and Thurs. nite, but when I went on Fri. nite, the technicians said she cried for over an hour after I left on Thursday. They thought it would stress her out and jeopardize her recovery if I saw her. I did not see her on Sat. or Sun., but I called constantly checking on her. She was remaining stable, but not getting better or worse. Early Mon. morning, she went critical and I rushed her to a specialist at the Emergency hospital. The pancreatitus had affected the kidney's which began to fail. Within a few hours, my poor baby passed away. I feel so guilty that I did not see her for 3 days, but I did not want to do anything to hinder her recovery, I did not want to stress her whatsoever. I loved her Mon. morning, held her, kissed her, talked to her and told her how much I loved her. The specialist said she had a "fair" chance, so I left to run home quickly and come right back, and she passed within 30 min. after I left her. The specialist said she would have treated her the same way the vet had, IV, the same antibiotics, etc. Her personal vet was shocked that she passed away. I feel like she thought I abandoned her. We were inseparable. We spent only one night apart in her short 5 yrs. and 8 months in my life. She was the love of my life and my soul mate. I don't know how I'm going to live without her. I hate being at home, it's so empty now, as my heart is too. I need some help.I have thoughts now that I'm ready to pass on, so I can be with her. I'm not afraid of dying anymore. I feel so sorry for her getting sick. she has always been healthy. I just don't understand how this all happened so quickly and hit her all at once. Nothing makes any sense. How do I go on everyday with all this guilt? I do I go on without my baby here. She was the most loving and caring dog. She was a child to me.
Loudpurring

Registered:
Posts: 774
 #2 

Sharibella; I am so sorry for the loss of your baby Bella. I work at a specialty hospital, and I am so sorry you had such a bad experience. I don't think if she were my patient I would have prohibited your visiting her. I don't think that it contributed to her death. But I think it was so hard on you. Of course there may be things I don't know about the situation that could factor in. It sounds like you did everything in your power, including staying away when told it was in her best interest. I know this is so hard. I truly believe that sometimes it is their time to go and there is nothing that will stop it. I am so sorry. Please know that Bella is happy now and free from the pain of pancreatitis. You never know, she may have had an undiagnosed tumor that had something to do with the diabetes and the pancreatitis. She may have also had Cushings disease, or somethng of that nature.  But do know that you did all you could and she loved you and in the end she knows you love her too. Please try not to sol her memory with grief, but nourish it with love. She will always be with you in your soul.

dianae2002

Registered:
Posts: 317
 #3 

Dear Bella's mom,
 
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pains is strong and taking over but you must be strong. Bella gave such a wonderful 5 years and though it was a short period I know she was very happy with you. Think that your sweet little Bella would like to see you happy and trying to go on with life. I thought that many time when my little baby Jessie was gone. I felt I could not go on but you just have to hang on. I did cried a lot and suffer but little but little is getting better. It's been 3 months since and I have my good and bad days. I'll be praying for you, you'll baby Bella will always be in your heart,
 
Diana, Jessie and Neko's mom.
kdclairmo

Registered:
Posts: 540
 #4 
Dear Shari, I am so very sorry for your loss of your Bella. I got shivers reading your post because I could feel your pain so vividly.  The guilt you describe is one that I know very, very well as I have been dealing with that myself for the past year when we had to make the painful decision to put down our 17 year old beagle Peanut. She was a very sick girl and also was dealing with old age such as arthritus and the beginnings of kidney failure but I still felt like we did it too soon, like we could have waited a few more days, or weeks or even months. Making a decision to end the life that you most love is so horrible and heartbreaking. I am slowly now beginning to realize that what we did was the best for her as she was struggling so and only to prolong it more than we already had would have been very selfish.  From what you describe I know that you did everything you could for Bella and you should not feel guilty at all for not seeing her for those 3 days as you were advised it would be easier for her if you didn't.  You were doing what you thought and were told would be best for her.  What matters is that you did see her that day, you were there before she passed, you held her and kissed her and told her you loved her, you were with her and I am sure that was a huge comfort to her.  Now you also feel guilty because you left and she died soon after you left and you weren't with her.  No you did not abandon her, you didn't know she would pass while you were gone..otherwise you never would have left.  Bella had seen you and had been able to say her goodbyes to you and you to her and she knew it was ok to let go then and perhaps she thought that would be easier for you as well? Peanut was my soul-mate too....I have never had such a strong spiritual connection with an animal as I had with her no will I ever have that again, just as you had with Bella. P was my child and she got me thru some really hard times in my life and no matter how bad they got they always got a little better when I had her curled up at my side, just as you and Bella. So when we lose that, when we lose our best friends, that one-of-a-kind relationship/connection it is devastating. I felt like a piece of me left that day when I saw P take her last breath and I have not felt the same since and it has been a year. The first few days and weeks really were the darkest of my life and learning how to go on day by day with my daily routine and adjust to life without her in it anymore was horrible. But that is what you need to do as well.  It is normal to have those thoughts that you just can't go on but Bella would want you to. She loved you too much for you not to. You need to do the best you can and keep going and just remember that Bella will always be a part of you, she is not here in the physical any longer, but she is part of you, she made you who you are, the loving, caring person.  She is now at the Bridge with Peanut and all the other beloved furbabies from here and she is happy and healthy and she is your angel now watching over you and keeping you safe. You will be reunited again one day but until then you need to let that guilt go because it will eat you up inside. I wish you peace and comfort.

Hugs
Karen

necy12

Registered:
Posts: 493
 #5 
I am so sorry for the loss of your furbaby Bella. I totally understand your pain of such a sudden death, and how you may feel "cheated" out of time with her. I lost my precious Chiquita on Labor Day 2007, it was a sudden horrific accident, she was only 6 yrs. old. I feel as if I was cheated out of time with her...she was taken too soon. Our furbabies have a special place in our hearts and they will forever remain there until we can meet again.
Your Bella knows how much you loved her, you did everything you could because you love her and she knows that. Sometimes things happen that are out of our control, is it fair? Maybe not...but please know that you did nothing wrong. We're all here for you, we're all in this together.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
Annette
Chiquita's Mom
bornitz

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #6 
Dear Bella's Mom,

You have my deepest sympathy on your loss of Bella. I'm sure that she was the most amazing dog ever. You did everything possible to help her and from what you said about the specialist, so did your vet. I am so sorry. I will pray for you both.

Warmest regards,
 Bonnie


Mary

Registered:
Posts: 1,400
 #7 
Dear Shari:

My heart aches for you and your sweet Bella.  Please do not think you did anything wrong.  I know that you gave Bella all the love you had to give and more and you shared a very special bond.  The loss is so devastating that I understand your grief and pain.

Bella will always be close to your heart and you will be together again one day.  My sweetheart Meister went back to Heaven on June 8, 2008.  I still cry most of the day and feel that my life is so empty and that probably will not change as a day will not pass without my talking to him or putting flowers in his garden.

Please try to think of how many happy times you had with Bella and how Bella loved you and would not want you to suffer.  Talk to Bella everyday.   Meister and Bella are together and I know they are happy.

I wish I could ease your pain.  Please keep writing to all your friends here who understand and want to support you.

I will pray for you and Bella today. 
Many hugs

Mary
Meisters Mom
Nancee

Registered:
Posts: 1,328
 #8 
Shari--My cat has diabetes, he had DKA (through non-regulation/4 yrs. ago) and was at a high risk (ER vet told me) to develop pancreatitis because of this. It was a nightmare, really, trying to regulate him back then. Wrong insulins, vets would say this, then that. If I had to do it over again, I doubt I could.It's alot of trial and error, one vet told me.
Diabetes in cats can be awfully hard--to regulate and keep the cat in good health.
I think Bella is in a better place now--far away from diabetes, pancreatitis and all of that suffering. I hope you find peace, too. Take care.
dustysmom

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #9 
I am so sorry for Bella's passing.  Please don't feel guilty.  I completely understand that you feel you don't want to be home, because everything reminds you of Bella.  I also just lost my dog yesterday when I had to make the painful to put him to sleep.  Now I don't want to be home, and seeing the streets I used to walk in on brings a bittersweet memory to my heart.  It takes time to mourn and grieve, and it's normal.  We all understand your pain.

I am so very sorry for your loss.
sharibella

Registered:
Posts: 28
 #10 
Thank you all for all of your comfort and support. You are all so kind to take the time to reply to me. Thank you for all of your prayers. I had Bella's ashes blessed by the priest at my church and I lit a candle for her last nite. I will light a candle for all of your babies too. I will say a prayer for all of you as well. thank you so much. My night is full of comfort from you.
Koani14

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #11 

It has been almost 2 months since my wife and I lost our beloved "Big Wolf" or "Creeker" as I used to call her because of her arthritis.  Her name was Lakoda Koani which means playful friend.  She was 14 years old when we had to put her down due to lymphoma.  Her age kept us from putting her through any more suffering for our own selfish reasons.


I think about her everyday and it makes me sad knowing that I will never be able to scratch her ears again (she loved that).  What's funny is I always knew this day would come, but never imagined this much pain.  I have pictures of her everywhere to help me cope with the loss.

I believe God gave her to us for so long because we had so much trouble getting pregnant.  My wife and I have been married for over 13 years and didn't have any luck getting pregnant using various fertility methods.  This February we found out my wife was pregnant, but we have been holding our breath.  Koda made it through the first tri-mester.  It was the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.  On May 2nd we got the thumbs up from the doctor that the baby was doing great.  On May 4th we had to put our "Big Wolf" to sleep.

Koda was there before my wife and I got married and it is hard to believe even today she is not here.  It makes me sad knowing our baby will never get to know Koda.  She was the best dog I ever had and ever will have.

I am so glad I found this forum because it helps me get through every day.  My heart goes out to all of you that has lost a part of your family.  Just remember, they are playing and having fun at the rainbow bridge waiting for us.
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