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akita

Registered:
Posts: 46
 #1 
I need some advice.  I appreciate all who helped me during my loss of Dusty and while I continue to grieve for her.  My life and emotions are becoming overwhelming complex. 

In the past two years, my dad has battled colon cancer, my mom had a heart attack and double-bypass surgery, my father-in-law was diagonsed with cancer, my dog died, and the next devastating blow was my brother took his own life. 

I am at a loss to know where to turn; yes, I have the support of family, but I was hoping there were more support sites to turn to like this one for pet grieving. 

I have a hole in my heart that won't heal.  I know my life won't ever be the same.  I have so many questions, but no answers.  I know this is probably not appropriate, but I need to keep talking with people or this will eat me alive inside.  If this is not the appropriate place to post this, does someone know of other support for grieving my brother?  Thanks for all you all do.
Ghatten

Registered:
Posts: 1,821
 #2 
}{{{{{akita}}}}}{

i can relate to how you feel - sometimes it seems that everything you can imagine could go wrong in your world does - then something else does. From 11/14/06 to 2/12/08 my very close knit family lost 8 members - and on 2/12/08 my cousin (who i grew up feeling was the brother i never had) was faced/is still facing a parent's worst nightmare when his youngest son (in his 20's) simply vanished - no traces - no evidence, almost like he was never there. He was out with friends and all they found was his ATV - but nothing to indicate he was ever at that place. And these things don't add together - they seem more to multiply - so i know the feeling that you need support - because i know that you do - and your losses are closer than mine are.

i typed "+support +suicide +family" into the search bar (i use Google - but likely any search will work) and found a very large number of sites. Likely you could do the same with cancer or heart disease.

i pray peace and healing be yours,
ghattenwolf
Becky57

Registered:
Posts: 657
 #3 
akita,

First of all, my heart goes out to you and I am so very, very sorry for your losses and all the trouble that has come to you.

Your post stood out because of some similarities.  I am at the lowest point in my life because of the horrible conditions under which my dog died.  That is another story. I keep coming back here because I feel i will go insane if I can't talk to someone. 

  My sister took her life 17 years ago.  My mom deteriorated quickly and died 8 years later after being wheel-chair bound for six years. After my mom died, I went to Tom Golden's site.  There are special forums for loss of siblings, parents, etc .  I was there for some time.  It is a good site.  You can do a search for Tom Golden or try  webhealing.com

I also have support from family and friends but unfortunately it is not enough for me. 

The people here have been very patient with me and I am very thankful.
Again, I am so very sorry for all that has happened to you. 


rena

Registered:
Posts: 174
 #4 

My mother committed suicide because she couldn't deal with the fact that my dad was dying of liver cancer and she didn't want to live without him.  They had a happy and long marriage.  I'm an only child and this happened quite a few years ago when I was in my early 20s.  I know that there are suicide survivor groups and if you google that you will find listings of groups nationwide and you can also type in your state to get local support groups and hotlines in your area.  I have lost 2 cats in 6 months.  One was expected and she died of a long standing pancreatic cancer but the youngest girl was healthy until the final months and I unfortunately didn't realize that she was so sick until it was too late to treat her kidney disease and she had to be put to sleep.  That was 6 weeks ago so I know what it can be like when too many horrible things happen in a short period of time and you feel like you're on the verge of losing your mind.  Please, please keep posting at petloss and I will give you my email address if you need more information rena.mcgrath@comcast.net 

Luna13

Registered:
Posts: 846
 #5 
I'm so sorry.  I can sense your sadness in your post and my heart really hurts for you.  It's really interesting how life just throws the punches at us over and over sometimes. I had a similar year last year - both of my dogs died, my dad died, and other things happened I don't want to mention, but what your going through is so much worse - I just cannot even concieve such pain.  We are all friends here and you can come here for a shoulder to lean on or cry on any time you want.  I'm going to add you to the prayer list at my church.  The power of prayer is an amazing thing.  There's a song I listen too often when I'm feeling overwhelming pain and grief, and it always helps just a little bit.  It's by Casting Crowns (A Christian Rock Band) and it's just a beautiful, inspiring song.  I'm attaching the lyrics for you.  I hope they help ease your pain, even if just a little.  Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.  Please keep checking in with us so we know you are ok.  May God bring you peace and hope in this difficult time.  God Bless.

Gerlie (Gypsy and Luna's forever mom)

EVERY MAN – by Casting Crowns

 

 

I’m the man with all I’ve ever wanted; all the toys and playing games.

I am the one who pours your coffee; corner booth each Saturday.

I am your daughter’s favorite teacher, I’m the leader of the band.

I sit behind you in the bleachers; I am every man.

 

I’m the coach of every winning team; and still a loser in my mind.

I am the soldier in the airport; facing giants one more time.

I am the woman shamed and haunted; by the cry of unborn life.

And every broken man, nervous child, lonely wife.

 

Is there hope for every man?  A solid place where we can stand?

In this dry and weary land; is there hope for every man?

Is there love that never dies?  Is there peace in troubled times?

Someone help me understand, is there hope for every man?

 

It seems there’s just so many roads to travel; it’s hard to tell where they will lead.

My life is scarred, my dreams unraveled; now I am scared to take the lead.

If I could find someone to follow, who knows my pain and feels the way.

The uncertainty of my tomorrow, the guilt and pain of yesterday.

 

There is hope for every man, a solid place where we can stand.

In this dry and weary land, there is hope for every man.

There is love that never dies; there is peace in troubled times.

Will we help them understand, Jesus is hope for every man.


biffsmom

Registered:
Posts: 50
 #6 
I'm so sorry for all your losses.

Here is a website that might help...they have a message board for all types of losses, along with other resources.

http://www.beyondindigo.com/

WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #7 
Dear Akita,

I am so sorry to learn about your brother's passing.  I cannot begin to imagine the pain you must be feeling.   My heart just breaks for you.

The following is a website that deals with losses, including suicides.   When you get to the site, go to the top of the page and click on Forum, then click Siblings.   They have a grief board similiar to the one we have here.   I have read some of the posts and they are amazingly supportive.

http://www.webhealing.com

My prayers are with you.   Please keep me posted on how you are doing. 

Hugs,
Melissa
Betsy's forever mom
katebock

Registered:
Posts: 686
 #8 
Dearest Akita

I have not dealt with the terrible tragedies that you are going through, so I'm sorry that I don't have suggestions for support sites as others have had, but I want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.  May God be with you and help you through this devastating time.

Praying for you to find peace and comfort

Kate



Gruntsmomforever

Registered:
Posts: 699
 #9 
Dear akita,

I am so very, very sorry for the overwhelming losses you have in your life.  My heart goes out to you.  I hope that the responses to your thread will lead you to a place where you can get the help you need.  You are very wise to reach out - your life is precious.  I keep you in my thoughts and prayers.  Please continue to come here to let us know how you're doing - we are here for you.

Hugs,
Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever
Loudpurring

Registered:
Posts: 774
 #10 
Hi Akita;

I know how hard it is to loose a parent. My mother died in November 2007. It is so devestating a thing to have happen, and you are never prepared for it. It floored me. Walked around all numb and in shock for quite a while. But,your Brother's suicide must .....I am so sorry. For I have nothing I can say to you to do justice to all that has happened around you and to your family, fur and otherwise.

Please know that you have friends here that will try to help you get through this and listen and share with you. I am so sorry for the loss of your Dog as well. It sometimes will seem as though life is nothing but a huge long drawn out test of how much one can withstand before ......I can never figure out what. But it sure is so hard. Again I am so sad for you.
Heidi
Nancee

Registered:
Posts: 1,328
 #11 
Akita,
My humble opinion--when you go through alot of losses and stress which are very tragic, like you have-- it might be helpful to find someone to talk to--one on one.
Find someone you have good rapport with and that you really like. Keep hunting till you find the right match.
Your situation is complex and it take someone who understands all of the dynamics of it to get you feeling better.
Take care.

akita

Registered:
Posts: 46
 #12 
(((Ghatten)))
Thank you for letting me know I am not alone in the way I feel, and I can't imaging having a close family member disappear.  Thank you for your prayers and I hope someday your cousin has some closure.

(((Becky57)))
When I feel overwhelmed as I did when Dusty was pts, I had to reach out to others so I didn't feel so alone.  This 'event' was totally unexpected and I thank you for your empathy and support.   My sister and I are close, so I know of what you speak should anything like that happen.

(((rena)))
I can't image life without my mom; but I never thought I would be burying my brother like this.  I feel grateful to you for reaching out to tell me your story. 

(((Luna13)))
The sadness is overwhelming at times and I guess I keep asking WHY this had to happen?  I tried to go back to church, but I am not ready to do that.  I went one day with my mom, but only wanted to cry and wanted to get out of the church.  I pray every day and night especially for my brother's soul.   Thank you for thinking of me and my family at your church. 

(((biffsmom)))
Thank you for your sympathy and the refer to the beyondindigeo site which I have visited. 

(((WooWooWoo)))
Thanks to both you and Becky57 for suggesting Tom Golden website as I have visited there now.  thank you for your prayers.

(((katebock)))
Thanks for your prayers and thinking of me and my family.

(((Gruntsmomforever)))
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers and for being here to support me or simply just to listen and let me aire my thoughts. 

(((Loudpurring)))
Thank you for your support and I am sorry for your loss of your mother.  My mother suffered a heart attack in November of 2007 and is still recovering.  I know it is difficult and some don't know what to say to me anymore, but thanks for reaching out.

((Nancee)))
Sometimes I think you are right and I have considered talking with a professional.  On the other hand, I struggle to be 'strong' for the rest of my family.

((((ALL))))
I know all of you have suffered losses of fur, friend and/or family and in my grief I want to say that I am sorry for you as well.  When Dusty was pts in January I thought I wouldn't be the same without her, then my husband brought a new dog into our lives to fill the void which was too soon for me, but he has grown on me.  When I got the phone call about my brother, I can't tell you how shocking that was and I still can't believe he isn't with us anymore.  I didn't have time to fully grieve Dusty and this just was the 'straw'....unimaginable....what you think could NEVER happen has.  I don't know when I will feel 'better'...I do know I will never be the same again.  My brother's birthday is May 22nd, so that will be hard to deal with so soon as well.   

sorry for being so longwinded, but I thank you all for everything.  I think I would go crazy without others to share my pain with me. 

akita
Dusty's mom




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