Registered: 1178570509 Posts: 1,288
Well here I am again, it has been over a year and I am still mourning for my Chancey and Digby. I still have trouble accepting that they have been gone 13 ½ months already. I cannot accept that fact and I don’t know if I ever will. I still feel so terribly lost and so alone without them. I hate writing this as I really thought I could handle this on my own by now. I find myself crying at any small thing, so much reminds me of them; they were so enmeshed in our lives that there is nothing that does not have some meaning for us. I know that they are well and safe and waiting for me but that does not really help. How can it help when all you want to do is continue on with the life you had when they were here with you? I had a very intense relationship with them, I was with them constantly for the last 10 years of their lives and they were always on my mind. Everything was planned with their comfort and their well being. I still have the joy and love we had with them, I just don’t have them!! I miss touching them and watching them. I miss seeing them wandering doing their little dog things. I just miss them plain and simple, except it really isn’t plain and simple is it? If it were simple we wouldn’t feel so much pain… I always thought I was stronger than this, but I guess they were the ones that gave me that strength. Now that they are gone I don’t have it anymore. I have some very serious personal things coming up and I don’t know how I am to handle them without them being here. Maybe it was wrong to make them such an important part of my life, the best part, but I couldn’t and wouldn’t be able to do it any other way. Pictures are just not enough; I look at all of them and can “see” the moment I took them and how I felt at that moment. I can feel their bodies under their down throws they loved to lay on and under. I remember covering them and tucking the throw around their little bodies. I can still feel the warmth of them; their little bodies that I loved to touch so much. I have reached the point where I feel I should be apologizing for still being in this state of grief, I guess because so many have moved on or do not want to accept that there can still be this much pain. This pain will be with my husband and I, (he is just as devastated as I am) probably for the rest of our time. They were our family. You never get over the loss of your family, I don’t even know if you can learn to live with that loss. I guess I really needed to write this, I feel a little bit better, but as most of you know it doesn’t last very long until the next wave comes again. Thank you for being here to listen, I needed it today…..
Registered: 1206449055 Posts: 657
bugsdogs, I am so sorry. As I read your posts I know that this will be me a year from now, two, three, the rest ofmylife. I am so sorry for your losses. I had no other life except for my dog--I would substitute teach but I never went anywhere overnight or for more than 8 hours to work because I didn't want her to be alone at night. It seems like I will be stuck forever maybe because of all the guilt associated with mine but that is how it is.
I used to shudder when anyone would talk of losing their pets. I could not comprehend it. In the last year I had made sure that she would be cared for in case I died. She was only 7 and i am 58 so I was really worried about that. The ironies of life. I don't know why you would think that you should be apologizing for it. When my brother becomes so concerned with my state of mind, I simply tell him she was my child--she was my family--she was everything. He doesn't say anything then--he knows and is helpless to make it better. I hope I didn't hurt you in anyway. I just wanted to say that I think you are very normal and I am sure many on here feel the same way.
Registered: 1207026279 Posts: 699
Please, please do not apologize, my friend!! I hope you will never ever feel that you can't come here when you need to "talk". I now know that grief has no timelines. We will listen to you, we care about you. Today marks the 11th week that I have been without the love of my life, my joy, my heart, my very life, my Beloved Boxer, Grunt. From all the posts that I have read of yours, Chancey and Digby are to you what my boy is to me. Every word of yours resonates so deeply with me; you have described so accurately the kind of sorrow and emptiness that my boy's passing has left in its wake. I live with countless memories of him and deep inconsolable sadness that he is gone. For having been so blessed to have him in my life, I willingly accept all that I am left with. I can never ever forget him, my life will never be the same. Dear friend, my heart goes out to you. Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever
Registered: 1196453169 Posts: 1,415
Dear Helen-- I was just about to sign off and I couldn't pass up the chance to respond to your heart-wrenching post. I can see myself in another 6 1/2 months saying the same words. I cry and I kiss my little Teddy's picture every day. Everything I do, see, hear or experience reminds me of her and I'm resigned to the fact of never getting over this overwhelming sorrow. Sure, I can laugh or smile at times, but it's just not that deep-down kind of genuine happiness that I have anymore. I know I will never have that bond with any other animal as I had with her. I enjoy my little Cyra and love and take care of her(white little Persian). I always will, but it's just not the same closeness that I had with my Teddy.
Like you, I feel lost and alone, too. Love is such a powerful feeling that's not easily dismissed. Teddy was my life like your dear Chancey and Digby were to you, and part of that life is missing and gone forever. That's so hard to accept. This is the only place that we find people who understand all these feelings and emotions. I hope we continue to help and support one another on the road to healing and some peace. You are in my thoughts and prayers--- Teddy's Mom (the other Helen)
Registered: 1160702030 Posts: 847
You have every right to feel the way you do, as you have a huge double loss you are grieving. Chancey and Digby were your children and your very being revolved around them. All their needs and comforts came first- I was the same way. I had bought Tweeny a pet stroller for what ended up being her last birthday- I so remember her being excited as I was assembling it- she knew it was for her. I bought it so she could enjoy being outside again and take in all the fresh air, sights and sounds. She would spend 23 hours a day in her new "headquarters". I actually quit my awful job because my side business income was getting close to what the job was, and I wanted to spend more time with my girl. In a cruel twist of fate, a tumor showed up on her a week later. When your relationship is as intense as it was with your babies, 13 1/2 months is still not a long enough time to recover. We so want to continue that happy life with them. I actually got worse after the year mark, actually it started around 11 months, here it is two years later and still can't function. I hope your babies send you an extra dose of strength soon, my heart aches for you. Love from Tweeny's ma
Registered: 1174875149 Posts: 2,245
As you know I am in the same position as you are. There is no answer; there is no Joy; there is no relief from this agonizing pain. I wish there was something I could do to help but I simply have found nothing that helps. I know how hard you have tried to heal; I know that the pain of their loss will haunt you Forever. I will Always be here for you, Always. May God's Angels keep Precious Chancey and Digby safe until you get there to watch over them. Every night I ask Christopher to keep them safe for you; I know he is listening. I also know that when our time comes to leave this earth they will be waiting. Like you, I count each day. Sending Prayers and Big Hugs You Way Georgeann and Christopher
Registered: 1194492978 Posts: 5,100
Dear Helen,I am not trying to make you feel guilty for not being "further along" in your recovery. I would
I haven't posted a reply until now because I just didn't know what to say. But, has that ever stopped me before? :-) You know, I have to have humor in my life or I would just start screaming about Betsy and never stop. I just miss her more than words can describe. Like Chancey and Digby (and all other furbabies), there will NEVER be another Betsy. I will never have that same bond with another pup. Never. But, everyday, my husband and I find a memory of Betsy that makes us laugh out loud. That is our therapy. And, we have been laughing alot lately to counteract our sadness. My husband is already in love with a Cairn Terrier he has already named Murphy, and this pup is not even a gleam in his papa's eye yet (he hasn't been conceived). Well, I am SO nervous. Murphy, like Betsy, will be our second terrier. Oy vey, is my heart quaking. But, my husband insists I will love Murphy with all my heart. And, he is correct. I cannot imagine a life without dogs. To me, that is not a life worth living. And, Helen, I have two surviving pups. Ralph, a frail, old crotchety minpin, whom I love dearly, and Gracie, a wild-child black lab mix who is now bonded like glue to me. Neither is Betsy. Yet, I adore them both. How could I not? What am I trying to say to you? I guess I am trying to dispense some hope. I have looked very deeply into Chancey and Digby's eyes in those photos, and I see HOPE and eternal love. I honestly believe the two of them want so badly for you to have some peace. So badly. I just feel it. The LAST THING on earth they would want for you and your husband would be continued suffering. never do that, nor would anyone else here. Grief is so personal. I just wish for you that your heart is filled with Chancey and Digby's joy today. Enough said. Big hugs to you and Don, Melissa Betsy's forever mom
Registered: 1206414832 Posts: 196
I've read your post a few times and it really is powerful to me. In short, I feel I could have written it myself almost word for word about my Belle and Herbie. I, too, thought I was stronger than this and that I feel I should be apologizing for feeling this way 2 years after Belle died and 12 1/2 weeks after Herbie died. Maybe I should not have let thim become such an important part of my life. But I did. And I miss them, plain and simple. My grief is the hugest part of my life and it scares me. All the joy and love has now turned to pain. Like I am now paying for it since nothing in life comes free. Loving them and having them, it is almost like we are slowly incurring debt and now it is time to pay -- with interest. Herbie and Belle's Mom
Registered: 1177131273 Posts: 558
I can SO identify with your post. The things that we know are true, ie. they aren't suffering anymore, they live on in our hearts, we will be reunited again, are true. But, it's just so awful not to be able to hold their physical bodies. I understand your yearning for the times that we have shared with them and the wonderful life that these special children brought. It's just so hard to continue without them here by our sides where they belong. Frequently we still have those feelings as well. Huge hugs, Golda's mom
Registered: 1178570509 Posts: 1,288
The main thing I learned from reading all of your responses was how much we are all affected by our losses. That we learn to adjust to a life without them with us anymore. That we all will yearn to hold them and have them with us once again, if even for a short while. That we will laugh but it will not have the same depth of happiness and freedom of joy we had with them. Just knowing that they were "with us" gave us happiness. That we have been profoundly changed since they came into our families, they made the family, and that we are truly changed once again now that they are gone from us.
It is okay to continue to yearn for them, to have this feeling of loss. We have lost something very precious and you will continue to feel that loss, how can you not? You cannot lose your family and not feel that loss forever. I have had many dogs in my life and have cried and missed each and every one of them, I still miss and cry for them, but with these two I have a experienced more with them and without them in my life. They were special to us. Whether it is the age I am at or the circumstances of my life right now I don't know for sure but this loss is not one that I can recover from. I will survive but it won't be as before. My heart is always filled with Chancey's and Digby's joy for life. They gave us so much joy that I will always feel that love and happiness we had with them. That is why I am so sad now, they are missing in my life and no matter how much I remember all of the great moments, and there are 18 filled to the brim years of those moments, they are still gone. Just because there is sadness does not mean that we have forgotten all of the joy they provided for us, all the love they gave to us. That I can never forget that is why I miss them. So I want to thank you, Becky, Katharine, Helen, Tweeny's Ma, Georgeanne, Melissa, Herbie and Belle's Mom, and Pam, for all of your kind and thoughtful responses. I treasure each and every one and take them to heart, they are important to me.... Helen
Registered: 1196453169 Posts: 1,415
Dear Helen---I couldn't have said it any better. Thank you for putting in words what I wanted to say, but not able to express as well as you.
We all are here for the same reason--the loss of our beloved furchildren. How we all go about healing will be different and personal, but the love & support we get is universal. And for that I'm so grateful. Many prayers for our Petloss family---Teddy's Mom
Registered: 1159225229 Posts: 332
(((((((((((((((((((((((((( Helen )))))))))))))))))))))))))
I just wanted to say...... I UNDERSTAND. I truly do. I am so dreadfully sorry for your pain and anguish. There is no way around it. Below I want to post a letter I wrote, which more or less says something similar to what you have said in this post. Only to say to you; I do understand your grief. Sometimes, that is all we need to hear. I don't hear it very often anymore, and it does hurt. Here is the letter:
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. A lot of thinking.
On June 2nd, it will be 2 years since my baby boy had to go away. This grief I have is not getting better. I am trying so hard to live a life. I take care of all my 7 furkids, and I truly do adore them. But Jetson is gone. That's all there is to it. I am alone here in my soul, where he used to be. He absolutely was and is my soulmate. I have beautiful people and furbabies in my life, and I do love them, but my heart is still so broken into a million pieces. Nothing makes much sense anymore. He was all that was right and good in this world. He made my life so perfect in every way, and when I lost him, that pure joy for life went away with him. I keep having so many flashbacks of the night I was forced to let him go. It all just keeps coming back, as though it was yesterday. And it is so unspeakably painful. I cry a lot. Also, his whole story of his brave and stoic fight to live and stay with me brings me to flooding tears all the time. My logic tells me there was nothing more I could humanly do for him, and that makes me feel so inadequate. He deserved more than what human care could give. And so I do sometimes have the beautiful memories coming back and making me smile a little. There are a myriad of wonderful, perfect, happy memories to relish in. But they also make me cry. Does this mean I am not better? That I am still very lost and hopeless? My biggest fear is not seeing him again. It's all I want. Just to see my baby again, and be with him forever. I know when we love someone like I love Jetson, that that love doesn't just go away because we have to let them go for now. Why, then, am I struggling so much with being here without him? I just cannot let go. And I fear that this is stopping him from being happy now. I know he would be so worried about me, because I was all he lived for. And now I am still holding him back after almost two years. I do try, I promise. But I just can't do it. He is such a part of my very soul that his being gone now is something I have not been able to adjust to. Will I live like this for always? Will I be able to give Jetson some peace where he is now? I want to, but I am still holding on for dear life. It feels like I am standing on the edge of a cliff, and if I let go a little bit, he will fall all the way down there. And so will I. What does scare me is that I could have a lot of years of living to do, and how do I keep up like this? Everything would be fine if he were here with me. Does anyone else feel like this? I have lost other loved ones. I know about grief. But I have been able to deal with it. I have been able to accept it, and give them peace, and look forward to seeing them again some day. This is very different. All I want is my Jetson back. He doesn't belong anywhere but with me. No-one can love him like I do, or take care of him like I did. It's so unfair that we have to be without them, and that they have to be without us, too. It's not how it is supposed to be. Love and hugs, Barb.
Registered: 1182281874 Posts: 540
Helen, when I read your post about Chancey and Digby my heart just broke for you. Everything you wrote I could have written about my Peanut as I feel the exactly same way. Let me start off by saying that you ARE a strong person, you said you don't feel like you are after they passed but you are. They are still sending you their strenght that is what has kept you going on each day. You have always given me such support over the last several months regarding my loss of Peanut and you have been strong for me and said things that have given me comfort and peace. Your love for Chancey and Digby gave you those words to write to me. Yesterday was Peanut's 11 month bridge day anniversary and it still cuts me like a knife to think about it and know that I will never touch her again or hear her snore or tuck her in with her baby blankets or even carry her outside to pee. I had a very intense relationship with her like you had with your furbabies. I have never had that before nor do I think I ever will again. It hurts to look at pictures of her because again I like you, rememeber the joy in my life when those pictures were taken and she looks so alive and I just want to jump right into the photo with her and hold her so tight and kiss her. You know how we always say we wish we just had one more day with them or even just a few minutes after thinking about that long and hard I don't know if I really would want that because then it would just hurt so much more when she was taken away from me a second time. I don't think I could go thru her passing a second time, the first was bad enough. Then again if I was given the choice I know I would do it anyway we all probably would. Somehow we just have to keep going and even though a piece of us is gone now we need to adjust to our "new" life and go on as best we can. It is not easy and we will always think of them, miss them, and love them. Never apologize for grieving your loss Helen. I am still grieving for Peanut and I don't care what others think of me. Most of my friends probably think I am nuts, but oh well, too bad for them they never felt that way or had that kind of love and companionship. We all grieve in our own way at our own pace and rightly so...we have suffered a great loss in our lives. Please take care Helen and know that I am thinking of you and wish I could give you a big hug.
Registered: 1178570509 Posts: 1,288
Oh, Barb you have said it all and so very well. That is exactly how I feel, I couldn't change a thing that you wrote as it is absolutley perfect....My husband and I were just talking this morining before I checked Petloss and we talked about how we "knew in our heads that they were gone but in our hearts we still have them here." Our hearts rule us...
"They are gone.. that's all there is to it" that says it all doesn't it? I still find that I have moments where I expect to see them waiting for me to finish whatever I am doing and pay attention to them. Then my heart breaks all over again. We also have the fear of not seeing them again. That would be the worst thing, not to ever get to see them again. I know deep down that we will get to see them again but I still worry sometimes. Thank you for understanding that sometimes all we need is to be heard and understood. There really are no words to take away our loss and pain, it will be what it is and for as long as it will be. I know how much you miss your Jetson and I know how much he means to you. I think that we get lucky once in our lives and have the perfect love, the ones that make our lives complete and whole. Jetson was that for you and I was doubly blessed to have a pair that were my special loves. As I am heading into my second year without them I have found myself thinking of you and Jetson and how you are doing with his loss. You were always there at the start of my grieving and helped my during those early days. I have just accepted the fact that I will live like this forever and I guess that is okay. I won't die of a broken heart but I will die with a broken heart. I don't mean that to be so dramatic but just the fact that I will always have a broken heart.... Do we still feel this sadness because we have not accepted that they are really gone from us? Do we not want to accept this loss as it means that it is really final and they are really gone? If we accept that they are gone do we feel that we are losing them again. Once we accept they are gone do our memories start to fade? I guess these are just questions that we will always have and I don't know if there are any answers to. These are just things that I think about from time to time, just thoughts..there are just so many questions and no answers to them. Helen
Registered: 1197839779 Posts: 1,328
Firstly, sorry about your losses. It sounds like you loved Chancey and Digby very much. You gave them alot of love. I always think that's quite a valiant act--because we know that they will, most likely, pre-decease us and we will be left without them. It's so totally unselfish to adopt and love a pet because the loss will be left with us after they leave.
For me, I've always tried to learn about what's beyond what we see, touch and accept as everyday life, whatever that is. The world we live in, every day, I think, is only a small part of what there really is. So, for me, learning about life has always been learning about death (without sounding morbid)because I think death is probably not anything to fear. It's just a different way of being or existing--our energy survives. Even though alot of people claim to know about these things--Who can be sure of the details? I really feel that our animals are somewhere out there--in a different way--maybe just little energy beings, but we'll recognize them and they will recognize us because the love we share is such a strong magnet and it can't be broken. Corny as I sound, I do think love is probably the strongest glue that holds things together (including our love of our animals to us). Even though they have to evolve and change where they are--they will be there for us--when our time comes. I don't know if this knowledge stops the pain, cuz we're still human beings having human experiences, but if we can see a bigger picture to all of this pain--it might help to know that they are still a part of us and we'll re-unite with them someday.
Registered: 1159225229 Posts: 332
Your questions are all relevant, and all pertinent. You have suffered a double loss of your double soulmates. The grief resulting from this is something which defies all explanation and sometimes any understanding. I guess you know they are gone, therefore in your own way you do accept it. However, your emotions are what they are. As you say, you are ruled by your heart. That is something to be proud of, absolutely. You suffer because of it, but it makes you the kind, open, loving person you are. Chancey and Digby would not have been to you what they have been, and are, had you not been precisely who you are; a mother ruled by her heart. Your relationship with them was one which was on a very beautiful, spiritual level. That's what I believe, anyway. Because we are mere humans, we cannot quite grasp the entirety of this spiritual relationship, especially when it changes when our special ones pass away. For all of our pain and anguish, I do believe this relationship still exists in its magnificent spiritual form. We are just missing our babies so much that the human pain can tend to take over, just as the love took over when they were here. Dear Helen, your heart is very, very broken. You are doing such a brave and wonderful job of trying your very best to heal and be well. I understand that this is not an easy task. What you said about not dying of a broken heart, but dying with a broken heart does not sound dramatic at all to me. It is exactly how I feel, too. That is perhaps the one thing I HAVE been able to accept about losing my baby; my heart will always be broken now. I do thank you for giving Jetson and I your thoughts. It really is comforting to know others understand and care. Love and hugs, Barb.
Registered: 1178570509 Posts: 1,288
Karen and Nancee I would like to thank you for your words of comfort. I know that you are going through the same situation and that you are having the same questions and same sadness as I am. I also know how much our loves mean to us still. We will continue to love them for the rest of our lives, that has never been doubted.
Chancey and Digby did give me so much and because of them I can write here, I have never been able to write before and get my thoughts out. It really does help to write about them. Karen, I know how hard that 11 month mark is, it is the last month you can still say Peanut was still here then. It is a new life without them, one that is so very different - I know that is obvious but it is so true. One thing that Chancey and Digby taught me was to not fear death, but it still takes them away from me and that I have a hard time accepting. Barb, thank you again for your words, they do give me strength to hear them. We will continue on with our broken hearts and do our best to heal. With friends like you and all of Petloss we can do that healing I think. Helen
Registered: 1213807858 Posts: 1,400
I am new to the RB site and I was just reading about Chancey and Digby. I know now how wonderful and caring everyone is here ready to help ease your pain. Please remember that you can and should come to your friends here and share your feelings as often as you want. Thank you so much for writing to me about my sweetheart Meister. I cried when I read your message. Chancey and Digby will always be your special children and you will be together again in happiness. I know the feeling of only wanting them back and how much it hurts. We are so lucky that we were brought together with our precious pets to share our love with them. You are not alone in your feelings about Chancey and Digby. My sweetheart Meister went back to Heaven on June 6. I share your feeling and I know that I will cry for him every day and I will be back here for a long time. I only wish I could ease the pain for everyone but I know I can't. I hope that you will have peace in remembering all the special time you had with Chancey and Digby and will have again. I look forward to that time also. Please know that I am thinking about you. I can share one of your memories about tucking my little Meister into his blanket so he was warm and also the unbelievable sadness my husband also has. I will pray for you your husband, Chancey and Digby. Mary Meisters Mom and Dad
Registered: 1213807858 Posts: 1,400
I just found a picture Of Chancey and Digby. What beautiful sweet babies. It is wonderful the time you had with them. I just wanted to add that my Meister was a apricot toy poodle. He looked very much like your baby. He was 17 when he left us. He was pretty healthy most of his life. He had an enlarged heart, joint and teeth problems later in life. Within the last year he lost his hearing and sight. On June 5, 2008 he had a seizure and then found out he had a mass near his heart and water on the brain. Everyone said it was his time but I would have given anything to have him with me longer. I feel your pain my heart broke in a million pieces for him. Hugs and Peace Mary Meisters Mom and Dad
Registered: 1157296856 Posts: 438
So many people have told me to stay strong and they are gone, you can't bring them back, blah blah blah. I am still sad and I know that part of me will always be. I miss my Scruffy and Gimli and my love for them has not diminished, not over time, not through anything, and it never will. There will be one day that you look back and smile. I do it now sometimes. You are a kind and loving person and I wish you peace and happiness. You will someday look back and smile, but my friend, those places in your heart will always be sad until we meet them again. It does help to write about it. When I first lost Scruffy, this board and the beautiful people that still remember me saved my life. It was my lifeline to understanding, grieving and knowing that everyone here was here for the same reason. Like we are here for you now. Bev
Registered: 1211298031 Posts: 95
I know so much what you mean. I, too, can't seem to get out of this deep abyss that has been created by the loss of my beautiful Bennie. They are so much a part of our lives. I vow never to love something so much again, nor do I plan on getting another pet. I just can't take this pain anymore. I am dealing with recovering from cancer and am trying so hard to be positive, but it is a losing battle. I try to listen to upbeat music, pray, watch funny movies, do things with friends, etc., but nothing helps. All I want to do is cry. My Bennie was my sunshine and strength and now he is gone, gone forever. I will never feel his warmth again or see his precious smile. Soooooooooo very sad. I also have another older dog that I feel so guilty about because I seem to be ignoring her, but I just can't help it. I feel for you. I hope we can pray together and find some comfort through this horrible part of life!!! God bless
Registered: 1174875149 Posts: 2,245
Dear Jetson's Mommy:
I just wanted you to know that I could have written every word in your post. I know that Helen and I are in the same exact position that you are. Christopher has been gone for over 15 months yet the pain feels like he left yesterday. I too feel as if I am on the edge of a cliff ready to fall. While it is heartbreaking to read your post is is also comforting to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. Thank Heaven we all have each other. Love and Big Hugs Georgeann and Christopher Forever
Registered: 1189564584 Posts: 493
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I know exactly how you feel, as I could have written the same words myself. My Chiquita's b-day is fast approaching and then her 1st Bridge Anniversary will follow that, and I am tense just thinking about it. Life without my Chiquita is very painful, like your Chancey & Digby, she was a very special part of our every day life and family. When I woke up in the morning her face was the first thing I saw, and oh that totally made my day. I love our new girl Nena, she also has a special place in my heart, but there will never be another Chiquita...like I tell everyone, my girl was perfect, she could do no wrong. Our hears will forever be broken, and they will also stay in our hearts forever. Always keeping you in my thoughts and prayers... Annette Chiquita's Mom
Registered: 1177131273 Posts: 558
Please don't apologize ever for how you are feeling. It is truly devasting to loose one family member. I still can't imagine how tragic it is to loose two beloved babies. My husband and I are still reeling from the loss of Golda. We are still heartbroken. I'm not sure it is possible for our hearts to ever again be the same. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, Golda's Mom
Registered: 1178570509 Posts: 1,288
Dear Becky, Katharine, Helen, Tweeny's Ma, Georgeann, Melissa, Herbie and Belles Mom, Pam, Barb, Karen, Nancee, Mary, Bev, Maria, and Annette,
I have re-read all of the loving and caring comments you have made and I want you all to know how much I appreciate each and every one of them. I guess it just breaks my heart that there are so many of us that have lost our precious loves and miss them so very much. I know so many of us will always live with a broken heart. That does not mean we are weak by any means, it means that we loved deeply and now have lost what was so important in our lives. As Barb said, "We are alone in our souls where they used to be. They were all that was right and good in this world." I believe that completely... So once again I thank everyone for your words as I know that they help not just me but so many here on this site. Helen