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Lu

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Posts: 22
 #1 
I came home Friday night and knew something was wrong because my sweet little chihuahua Lulu didn't come running to the door spinning circles in excitement to see me. That morning she had been sitting on top of my overnight bag and hanging out with me while I was getting ready for work. I have been closing the door to that room before I leave for work but didn't that day.

Additionally, I shopped downtown after work which I NEVER do and so was late getting home by a few hours. I ran to the room and she was lying still on the floor. I called her name and she didn't move. As I got close I saw that her collar had gotten twisted in the straps of a collapsible laundry basket. She would sometimes climb on top of this while I was doing laundry because it smelled like me. :( I was horrified and grabbed scissors to cut her free but the scissors broke. It was like i was in a nightmare. I began twisting the laundry bag to remove it but she was obviously already gone.

My poor little Lulu, I'm so so sorry! If only I'd shut the door to that room! If I'd come home at the normal time and been able to save you! I keep having fantasies about getting there in time and saving her :( This little dog was so precious. My other dog runs straight to the food bowl when I come home. Not Lulu. She spins around and is so excited to see me. Then she runs to her bed and flips over so I can give her her belly rubs. I am having chest pains and my heart is pounding non stop. I can't believe this happened and I can't get the visual of how I found her out of my head. The worst part is knowing she suffered and was terrified and was all alone. It's killing me. My boyfriend came over right away, God bless him and helped me wrap her in a towel. We buried her the next day in my yard. It was so hard to put her sweet little body in the ground and cover her up. I would cuddle with her all the time and promise I'd never let anything bad happen to her. I wish she'd have the chance to be an old lady and that she could have died in my arms with me comforting her. The grief is more than I ever imagined. I had to go to my daughter's birthday dinner the next evening and behave like everything was ok. Then had to pull it together to go to work. My eyes were tearing up all day. I just want her back and want to tell her how sorry I am. 

My only comfort is recalling that the night before she was restless and kind of whining while i was doing my workout, which she'd never done before. I stopped the workout for a few minutes and grabbed her and cuddled with her on the couch. I honestly feel like I'm in a nightmare. She didn't deserve it and I can't stop obsessing about her last moments. I love you, Lulu! <3

Snickers1

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #2 
Oh Lu.  I'm so sorry!  I think it's extra hard when they leave us so young.  I'm sure she loved you and I'm sure you took great care of her.  She was lucky to have you for a Mom.  Accidents happen and if you could go back in time you would change things.  If you could pay to have her back, you would find the money no matter how much.  I'm new to this site and the reason I'm here is to find comfort for my barely 6 year old Maltese, Haley.  So I'm also grieving.  I tell myself that God wanted her back and she's watching and playing in heaven.  Lulu may be playing with her.  Take care.  You'll never forget her and you'll probably hurt a little every time you think of her but you and I will get better.
Prayers for you and little Lulu.
Lu

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #3 
Thank you for your kind words. :) You’re right, I would do anything to change it or pay any amount to have her back and to change how things happened. I gave her lots of love but of course wish I’d given her more! So sorry to hear about your little dog, Harley. :( It’s just so, so sad. I know we will feel better someday and I really hope they are in a happy place! Thanks again, I appreciate it. :)
grievingmom

Registered:
Posts: 639
 #4 
What a 'horrible' experience. No wonder you are devastated. And I would like to say I am very sorry this has happened. It is obvious you are wonderful mother so by no means is this  a sign that you were or are a failure of a parent. Things like this happen to the best of parents. I think of a family who backed their car up and ran over and killed their toddler. Their pride and joy. The fact that things like this happen though is no comfort. At least right now.

You hit the nail on the head when you describe what you are going through right now as a nightmare. Of course it is like a nightmare. But please know the intensity of what is happening to you will begin to ease over time. Healing from a traumatic event that is coupled with a death takes a while to heal. It heals slowly, chapter by chapter so to speak. So don't blame yourself for being upset for longer than you might expect.

Some here (myself included) have had symptoms of post traumatic stress after events that involved our pet. That might happen to you as welll. The symptoms can be frightening. But given what you have been through, it would be considered normal for you to have painful and disturbing feelings for a while.

What saved me was using free pet loss hotlines. I called them all the time. And regular hotlines too. This site has a list of hotlines. And they are free.

I am so sorry this has happened. My heart truly goes out to you. If I had a magic wand, I would use it for you.

God bless you,
Stephanie
Grieving Mom

Lu

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #5 
Thank you Stephanie, I just saw your reply. I appreciate your kind words, they are very helpful. Hugs to you.
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