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whitehatter

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Posts: 2
 #1 
I still remember the day I got you: March 2016. You were so tiny and so adorable that I could watch you all day. (Sorry for my grammar) I was scared of your bites but I told myself that one day, you wil accept me. Ever since I got you, I felt this 'responsibility'. I fell in love with you every single day. You were my little superhero. You were there for me every time I'm having this stressful and depressing times.. Until one day, I decided to stop my studies due to financial reasons.. I cried because I know that I will miss my schoolmates and friends.. But then I told myself ' "I can spend all my free time with my baby boy" and moved on. You became my motivation and inspiration. We cuddled and cuddled til I realized that you finally accepted me (no more bites!). You love my scent, I can feel it! Everyday feels like heaven. February 2018: I noticed that your slowing down. Sleeping most of the time. I told myself "he's growing old.. " I forgot that hamsters live for 2-3 years

maybe because I was scared. Scared knowing that you'll leave me anytime.

June 9, 2018. You're gone.

Everything was so fast, like, what happened? Have I done anything wrong? I still remember taking you out of your home to have our cuddles (he was awake that time). You were so comfortable with me gently rubbing you while we quietly feel the moment. Then I realized that I need to clean your cage. I did everything like I always did. I can still remember you taking a nap on my bed (like always) and picking you up to eat your food. I was like checking you every minute! I remember moving you to a warm corner (because it was a cold day here in my place) and then checking you again, rubbing you like I always did and then I noticed that you're not responding to my touch..

Thank you baby boy, you're the sweetest darling ever. I know you're with dad now, please, wait for me. I'll see you again with you favorite treats, never forget me please.

No words can describe the pain I have right now.
Fionasmum

Registered:
Posts: 730
 #2 
The title of your post caught any eye immediately - soulmate.  Yes, whether we have a hamster, a cat, a dog, a snake, there is no qualifying the love we share and the relationships we can build with the most unlikeliest of creatures.  He mattered, he was so very important, and he was yours.  He took stock of your identity, so keen to have such a special bond, and simply stepped into the part like he was born to play the role.  And now he is gone.  

Your pain and grief is proportional to the depth of the love you had for him.  It was his time, whether through natural causes or some unseen illness, and it's just you left to experience his loss.  That's important to remember.  He does NOT have the pictures you hold in your head of finding him unresponsive, not reacting to your touch or your voice.  All he knows is that he lived and died in the company of a person who moved heaven and earth to make his life happy and secure.  That's what he takes with him, and it's just you left to imagine a life without him in it.  

He is gone too soon, though there is no right time and no way to prepare yourself for what we all know is inevitable for our pets.  There is only the knowledge that he taught you a lot about what it is like to give and receive unconditional love.  For what is one of the smallest, most perfect of creatures, this is an enormous gift he's given you that will carry you through every relationship you'll ever have in the future - with a pet or a person.  I know how badly you just want him back.  But there is no way he can come back to you any more than my beloved little dog Fiona can come back to me.  But soon, I promise you, you'll start to understand that what he has left you is so very much more than the fact he has left you.  I know it's not the same as having him, but it means you do get to keep him forever, in your heart, where he can never be stolen from you again.  I am thinking of you as you mourn your perfect little soulmate.  

whitehatter

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #3 
Your message made me cry, sorry for your loss too.. I'm sick right now maybe because of the pain.. I remember making sure that I won't get sick because hamsters can get human sickness, but here I am, so sick and sad because I have no one to talk to. Ever since he passed away, everyone was quiet. I was the only one who took care of him. I cry every night, always staring at his pictures and I try to remember every, every moments I had with him (I don't know why but sometimes I tend to forgot important things ever since I stopped studying). I just miss him so much.
Fionasmum

Registered:
Posts: 730
 #4 
Getting sick is no surprise my friend. Grief literally weakens your immune system and often means you don’t take care of yourself by eating or sleeping properly.

You’re note about forgetting things now you’re not actually studying made me laugh. Your brain is like a muscle that needs constant exercise! Let it get lazy and the next thing you know you can’t remember where your keys are.

But, still, here you are missing your little boy and feeling his loss deep
Inside your soul. Hold tight. Deep breath. He is at peace and i believe with all my heart that the light of his life that you shared will soon overcome this darkness. I know this is true. But it’s still so early and too soon to do much beyond feeling what you’re feeling as you mourn him. I am sending you every ounce of comfort I can through this message.
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