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MyEllie

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Posts: 8
 #1 
Thank you for the kind words I've received from so many of you on losing my puppy Ellie. It's been a few days now and I still keep brimming up with tears all too frequently in the course of one day. Everything reminds me of my puppy. It's as if every day I wake up and her death happens all over again. I simply haven't budged from my place of grief over losing her.

Tonight, though, I find myself concerned over something my mourning fiance reminded me of, as well. I have two other dogs, but don't have the same bond with them as I did with Ellie, though I love them both very much (they came to me as young dogs rather than puppies so they have a few unbreakable habits as they were both abused very badly and not as willing or able to trust the way Ellie did), but since Ellie passed, it's very difficult to be around them. I think it comes from being afraid that something will happen to them, which it inevitably will, but, as my fiance gently reminds me, they need me, too. I'm sure this is probably a normal reaction. I've never been with a dog when it was put to sleep like my fiance and I were with Ellie. I was just a child when my pets were sick or dying and my parents spared me that pain as much as possible so I don't really know what to expect or how I'm going to feel in the coming days or weeks. I just keep seeing her everywhere and thinking I'll wake up and she'll be there wagging her tail, waiting to be taken out to the patio where I used to hav coffee in the morning while she played in the yard. I certainly want to get back into the comfort of being a mom to my other two, but I don't know what will make that easier to accomplish or what I can do to make it better. I don't want them to feel unloved or neglected and my fiance has been helping me out tremendously with caring for them now, something I always took a lot of pride and got a lot of fulfillment out of, but the last few days my mind is so focused on Ellie it's been hard for me to do a lot of other things.

Does anyone have any advice or experience they might be able to give me? I keep thinking "what if..." though I know that's not going to bring Ellie back. I know I did the responsible thing, but I'm afraid I'm not being responsible enough with my other two babies and need some reassurance that this will fade so I can give them the love and attention they deserve, too.

Thanks for your help and for lending a place for me to talk about these issues. It's been very hard and it's nice to know, if nothing else, I'm not alone or ridiculous for feeling so sad after losing my Ellie.
Gypsymagic

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Posts: 219
 #2 
Ellie's Mom:

I have other fur-children, and they still have to be loved and fed and played with and comforted (they, too, feel loss) even when you don't much feel like doing the goofy things they like me to do (ie, singing "Everybody's goin' out tonight" to Paul McCarney's tune brings them running to the door as does me yelling 'Posse!" I fake that kind of thing and make myself put on their leashes and go out for a ride in the car, etc. I make sure that I sit down and love on each of them several times a day and talk to them. Yes, it's my darling Layla that I want--but I can't have her--and they deserve to have a good, loving mommy, too. The bond is there, just not the same depth of understanding and feeling that someone created my perfect soul mate in canine form and I was lucky enough to find her. Love comes in all kinds of shapes and colors and we have to open ourselves to it. No two loves are ever the same. Dogs are very sensitive to our moods--try hard to let these two know that they are very much loved in their forever home.
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