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Jfred

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Posts: 5
 #1 
I remembered the day I first held my Bentley. She was the runt of the liiter and only 3wks old. I had was dealing with a very sick grandmother on the verage of crossing over. I had always wanted my own dog to love and raise but now was not the time. My grandmother passed Dec. 21, 2008. I was so lost and out of it.
The next day there was a knock at the door, there stood my cousin with a small crate in her hand. I opened the door, she shoved the crate at me and said Merry Christmas you will thank me later on.
As I peered into the crate at the back cuddled up was this tiny 5 pound black and tan ball of fur. I placed the crate on the floor and out came the cutest rottie pup I had ever seen. Her tail had been docked and so she looked like a little bear. The name Bentley came to mind so that is what I named her.
Bentley became my everything she literally saved my life. As a manic depressant I had many thoughts of suicide. But with bentley I had to be there to take care of her.
Nothing or noone came betwern her and I. Love me, love my dog. As the years passed Bentley passed CGC certification and then on to be my service animal.
She was amazing at her job, she let me wrap my arms around her shoulder area and cry. At her peak she was 100 pounds.
I had met an amazing man and we had a baby, and adopted a couple companions for Bentley. One being a 5 pound chiwauwa. She was a great leader of the pack and so gentle.
Last Dec. I lost my cousin. I made sure everytime we had talked I thanked her for giving me Bentley.
Bentley had very little grey and was very full of life, a huge goofball. Then about a month ago, she started having severe skin and coat issues. We changed dog food, did home remedies, bathed 2 a week but no change. She would bite and scratch and chew and lick. She was miserable and I knew it. She still put on a happy face. Two weeks ago Bentley showed signs of dramatic weight loss, she was eating and drinking tons of water. One week ago, she was lossing tons of hair it looked like she had manage, but I had a vet check and it wasnt. Four days ago as I tried to look past her appearance I asked God to help me with her. It was then I heard the answer I already knew, she is dying. My heart instantly broke, and I cried so hard. As she still tried to ease my pain. I sat with her every night, letting her know I promise to carry on and how much I loved her and what an amazing companion she had been.
On Friday she stopped eating, would barely get up. So on Saturday we took her to the ER to do a quality of life assement. Without a ton of tests, they weren't sure but she did have a yeast infection across her body, and she was in liver failure possibly. They brought her in and she wiggle butted us and was smiling ear to ear. I still ask myself had I brought her home with the medicated shampoo and special diet would she have gotten better?
The vet had said it may prolong her life a day, a werk, no telling.
Bentley would have been 10yrs old Nov. 27th. She slept with me everyday of her life. Her space is empty just like my heart.
I feel empty but at times it seems like just a dream that she was ever here. Other times its as if I had this burden taken because of the worry I always had for her. Then other times I feel perfectly fine.

Is this normal? Is this still part of grieving?
I just dont know what to do...especially her being my service dog im soo very very lost.
grievingmom

Registered:
Posts: 639
 #2 
Your story almost had me in tears. Wow. Such a love story. You asked:

>>>>I feel empty but at times it seems like just a dream that she was ever here. Other times its as if I had this burden taken because of the worry I always had for her. Then other times I feel perfectly fine.

Is this normal? Is this still part of grieving?
I just dont know what to do...especially her being my service dog im soo very very lost.<<<<

Yes, it is very normal to have all differing kinds of feelings at once. From feeling complete devastation to feeling fine. I would suggest you use the pet loss hotlines if you can. They are a great place to express yourself and get support. I used them daily for a very, very long time. You can always private message me here.

I am so sorry for you. What a sad and heartbreaking story. My heart truly goes out to you.


- With lots of compassion,
stephanie

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