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Posts: 8
3 weeks ago I had to make the hardest decision of my entire life thus far. I rescued my Lulu in 2003 at the time I was 16 years old. My parents had divorced, I had a lot of adult responsibilities helping my mom with my younger sister and working full time. I had just started using the internet and wanted a dog so badly. I begged my mom till she finally agreed as long as I had full responsibility, I could get a dog. I saw lulus picture on pet and fell in love with her at first sight. She was a pit mix, all white with the exception of a black spot around her left eye. The moment I brought her home it was as if I had purpose, someone to love and someone to never let me down. Lulu was 16 years old when I had to decided her well being over my broken heart. October 19th was the day she was euthanized. I thought I knew on that Saturday that I was making the right choice. She had lost interest in eating. Even her usual hand fed quesadillas and chicken and rice. She also started having a very hard time walking 2 days before I made this decision. She fell frequently and on that Saturday had a hard time even getting up, when she did walk it was almost like she was drunk. I couldn’t bare to see her hurt or know that she’d have to be on pain pills. I worried that if I didn’t put her down that weekend, she might get better a little bit then have something even worse happen. I had to put her needs first. I always knew lulu wouldn’t ever leave me or even show me signs she was in pain. She was there for me always. Through first boyfriends, moving 7x with me, 1st marriage and relocating to SoCal to be with my now husband. The loss of lulu has been so unbearable. I second guess myself at any moment I can. With the “I should have seen if she got better” why didn’t I take her into the vet” I knew she had life left in her, but her body was tired. I had the vet come to my house and she passed painless in my arms. I regret I didn’t hold her longer, or take any last pictures with her. She was my baby, my joy and my life. I’m 32 years old now and don’t have children of my own. I feel like I’ve lost my purpose in life. Nothing is enjoyable without her. I can’t make it more than 2 hrs with out sobbing. Does this grief and regret ever get better? I miss her so much, I’ve been in such a dark place. I work from home and not having her around with me is so hard to bare. I hope I did what was right for her, I hope she knows how much I loved her and that I’m ok. I know she hung on for so long to be sure I was ok. I miss the way her ears and paws smelled. I miss hearing her old lady walk on my hard wood floors. I know I’m so grateful I had 16 years with her, im so lost without her. She grew up with me. I may have rescued her, but in reality she saved me.

To my lulu, my bobo, my beans.. I love you forever and will miss you till the day I leave this earth. I pray you are waiting for me till I’m done living my life. You were so special and I don’t know life without you. I hope your spirit is happy and with grandpa, pulling on his pant leg. Snuggling with tootie (my other dog that passed in 2017)

Know I loved you more than I’ve ever loved anything. You were my one special dog, that it we are lucky to have in our lifetime. You were mine. My baby, my heart, my soulmate

I love you

Posts: 18
Dear Lulu's Mom......the love we give to others makes the universe a warmer and better place.  Your Lulu felt your love and of course gave it back with every wag of her tail, every look, every time she......  It's remarkable how close our bond with our pets can be.  The grief (as a result) can be crushing.  But it fades with time.  We regain our balance but not by forgetting or getting over it.  Our hearts find a way to heal and we keep their spirits with us.  I can see you believe in heaven.  So it is unimaginable that your beautiful Lulu and our beautiful pets are not there.  What kind of heaven wouldn't let then in?  So it means she's watching over you and waiting.  I have tears for you and Lulu.  The stars are still shining.  Your decision was the greatest act of please do not punish yourself with the "what if" or "should I have" or guilt.  Your decision to end your Lulu's pain (and the vet would not have supported this decision if they felt it was wrong) doesn't define the years and years you shared together.  Through your choice and kindness you ended Lulu's pain ended and transferred it to yourself.

The intense grief will lessen with time.  Do you have people you can talk to that are supportive?  I want to caution you that most friends and family will probably not understand what you are going through unless they have lost a beloved pet.  There are also online chats like on this website and  the aplb also has a list of counselors skilled in pet bereavement.  Dr. Sife's book, The Loss of a Pet, can help you to understand what you are going through.


Posts: 8
Thank you so much for your kind words, and for taking the time to reply to me. I do have alot of family support, which is wonderful. I keep waiting for a magic moment where the pain eases up, but I guess it is a day to day process.

I miss her so much, life is very hard without her. I thank you again from the bottom of my heart that you took time out of your day to read about my lulu and respond.

Much love

Lulu's mom

Posts: 12
Lulus mom,

I know how much we are both hurting. Callie was so much part of my life that it seems that life I s without purpose. Callie was my fifth dog and I loved them all but Callie and I had a special bond. She was a very needy dog and I needed to be needed so we were a “perfect fit”.
I do with all my heart believe we will see our litttle girls once again. I hope we both feel better in time.
Love, Callie’s mom!

Posts: 8
Thanks Callies Mom. Sending hugs your way

Posts: 18
You're very welcome.  Our bond with our pets is often deeper than those we have with humans.    And you right, it's so hard, beyond hard sometimes but hopefully you're over the severe grief.  I am very happy to hear you have your families support.  The magic moment was when your Lulu came into your life and all the moments you share and then all the moments you will remember and keep with you.  Thank you for sharing you Lulu with me because now she has a place in my heart too.  
Here's an article that i wrote about the bereavement process that may be helpful to you:
kind regardschris.

    ^   ^    0   0   "Marlow!"     >< 

Stages of Bereavement 

Here are the stages one generally goes through.  Please keep in mind it not a linear process. One day/hour/month you feel okay/better and then wham.  The stages can be mixed together and some may not happen. The main thing to keep in mind is that even though it is remarkably painful it is a natural process that we can heal from.  The more we loved our pet the more intense the stages.

  • Grief and Shock

  • Denial and/or Disbelief

  • Anger/Guilt/Depression

Healing and Acceptance (somehow finding a way through)
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