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Posts: 1
My heart is breaking because I lost my sweet cat Cali who was only a year old. I have two outside cats and last year when I adopted Cali (unexpectedly but I fell in love with her) my husband bought me a large shed so that they have a nice place to sleep at night. My older cat Chloe is my very first cat and I've tried finding her a buddy but I always had bad luck with finding a cat that would stick around. One I'm pretty sure was taken in by a neighbor and the other was a kitten that I left for an hour but came home and she was gone. So, when I met Cali I was hesitant but I just fell in love with her.

So long story short we adopted her and I'll never regret it. I absolutely loved her and she made me so happy. We had a routine every morning when I walked out to the shed and I would hear her paws hit the floor when she would jump off the bench. When I opened the door she would fly out like she had been trapped for days. She would stop and wait for me at the tree beside our porch and when I would get close she would race me to the porch. 

We had our own communication and little things that we did. She was the center of my everyday routine and working from home made it better. Whenever I was stressed I would walk out and snuggle with her on the steps. So this past Friday (April 13th of 2018) was a normal day. I let them both out and I went inside to get to work. I was sad and depressed all day but I had no idea why. I had noticed Cali was gone but it such a warm gorgeous day I figured she was out hunting like she normally did. As it got later in the day I started to worry. I walked all over our property and then my husband and I checked the fields behind our property and called for her. But we never found her. We checked in with our neighbors to give them a heads up. I sat out on the porch till the sun went down and I kept calling her name but she never came. So I left their barn door open that night in case she came home.

The next morning I was up at 3am and checked the porch and shed but nothing. She never came home. Later that morning I had called her again but still nothing. I had to make a quick trip to the Post Office and as I passed our yard (our house sits on a hill) I saw her body on the side of the road between our yard and the neighbors. I yelled out in horror and frantically called my husband and told him. When I got back my husband had already started digging her hole so that I wouldn't see her. But I helped buried her and she looked completely fine. No injuries or nothing just a little blood on her nose.

For the past two days, I have balled my eyes out and trying to not blame myself. But a part of me is trying to wonder if I would have found her Friday Morning could I have saved her? Did she suffer? Does she know I love her so much? I know there is no possible way for me to find the answers but that part of me is wanting to find answers that I know I will never get. She had such a short life and it's not fair but there's nothing I can do now except grieve. 

Posts: 46
That must have been a shock, to find her lying there, wondering what happened.  One of mine died outside during the night, and I never knew why.  There were no vehicles, no attack by another animal - just him lying there dead.  So many of my other cats have died of nasty diseases, that I have come to think that a sudden accident that takes their life is almost a blessing.  But, no matter how they die, they leave such a big empty hole in our lives.  My big handsome cat Henry died recently after a several weeks sickness, and I still can't process it all.  He was such a big part of our lives, like yours was to you.  How do we get used to their absence, the quiet, the heaviness in our hearts?  I know that over time their absence becomes the new norm, but right now we're just trying to accept the horribleness of it all.     
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