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cosesmom

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Posts: 580
 #1 
My sweet Termy,
Yesterday was your 17th birthday and I so wanted to post a letter to you and your memory but I knew I couldn't have done you any justice because of my emotions were running deep.

17 years ago God brought you into this world knowing you would be mine to love and cherish. We had a grand journey together for over 16 years.Our journey ended on September 18, 2017 and my journey alone began that day. I miss you so very much and would have loved to share your cupcake with you as we always did on your special day. So instead I sat outside last night and saw your star and wished you a Happy Birthday.Our new special way to share your special day now that your are with the angels and waiting at the Bridge for me. I miss you so very much and cry everyday because my heart is broken and will never heal until I see you again, someday. I miss your chocolate eyes and the click of your nails, your huffs and I miss holding you too. I don't ever want to forget your smell and the way you always followed me every minute of the day. I never want to forget the way you looked at me those last few days, as if you were putting to memory our time here on earth together. I miss you meeting me at the door every night when I come home from work. I MISS YOU!!!
Please know that a day doesn't go by that I don't remember you and all the memories we made together and how very much mommy loves you. I wish you back everyday. I haven't put your toys away or your dishes, I just can't. You'll always be with me, in my heart and always by my side.
Mommy loves you
Bonnie

[termy] 
cosesmom

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Posts: 580
 #2 
My sweet Termy,
Today is hard, it's the beginning of the weekend. I think about you more on the weekends because I have more time on my hands. This is when we spent the most time together and I miss our times. You were my rock and the one thing in the world who held me up when I was down and supported me in every way, no matter what came our way. Life is difficult without you. I watched your video this morning and wish you were still here. What I wouldn't give to have you back. I would gladly do anything to just have you one more day. I knew you were leaving me. I knew in your heart you wanted to stay but father time was telling you that our journey was coming to an end. Your old and tired body was giving up. There was still love in your eyes for me, I saw that you struggled everyday and your quality of life wasn't what it should have been. I am so sorry that I had to be the one to make the decision to let you go. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you and feel the guilt of letting you go.
I remember the walk we took on Sunday before that dreadful day where I carried you through your neighborhood so you could look one more time at all that was special to you. The places where we walked for years together and shared our love of just being together. I remember the look in your eyes as you surveyed the houses and the park, the birds flying overhead and the Russel of the leaves. It's as if you knew that our time together was coming to an end and you were putting it to memory. You looked so contented to be in my arms. I would give anything to have that day back and repeat it again for years to come but we had to go our separate ways, for now. I hope Rainbow Bridge is as special as they say because that way time doesn't drag as does it does here. Have fun, I'll see you one day.
I MISS YOU!
Mommy
Lynnsa

Registered:
Posts: 63
 #3 
I.m so sorry for your loss and understand exactly as Iā€™m sure we all do xxx
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #4 
My sweet Termy,
Today is as hard as yesterday. The tears won't stop. I looked toward the sky and asked you to forgive me. I shouldn't have let you go. I can't stop thinking that I should have tried harder or did more for you so you could have stayed with me longer. There are times I can't stand the guilt but I know that you trusted me to do what was in your best interest. I wish I could talk to you and for you to tell me that it was okay. That I did it out of love. The pain in my heart just won't go away. You are my heart and soul, without you everyday is a struggle and the only joy is remembering you and the memories we made together. Mommy is so sorry, please know that I love you more than anything in this world. I can't wait until we meet again at the Bridge.
Love you my sweet boy
Mommy
Pawprince

Registered:
Posts: 92
 #5 
Happy Birthday, Termy !!! You were loved on this earth and sill LOVED wherever your sweet soul is!! <3  Wishing peace for you and your Mom. xoxo
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #6 
My sweet Termy,
It's been a few days since I last wrote to you and I feel lonely with out you. I was weeding the flower bed tonight and was thinking about you and just sat down and cried. My thoughts drifted back to that dreadful day in September and I just lost it. I am having a hard time with the guilt and want you to know mommy is sorry and I want you to know I loved you more than anything in this world. What I wouldn't give to just know your okay and that you don't hate me. Your my sweet, sweet boy and I love you more than anything in this world. Letting you go was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I loved the journey we shared and the cherished memories we made together. Thank you for sharing your love with me.
Love mommy
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #7 
My sweet Termy,
I talked to my counselor today about my guilt for taking your life. (this is how I feel) She said I need to forgive myself for I loved and cherished you for over 16 years and I need to let go of the negative thoughts and replace them with all happier memories. Ones that we made together for those 16 years. I am going to replace my memories of that last day with a memory of you riding on the motorcycle with me. How you would fall asleep 5 minuets down the road but never wanted us to go without you. You so enjoyed those rides, with the wind in your face, the little bandanna around your neck and your goggles to keep the wind from drying your eyes. I also have tons of other good memories that I will conjure up when the bad ones rise up. I will cherish and love you for all eternity. You taught me so much that was good and I need to remember them. I will work hard on forgiving myself. This week end I am going to work on your memory garden.
Love you always
Mommy
Pawprince

Registered:
Posts: 92
 #8 
Sounds like nice advice she gave :) I know you have lots of wonderful memories with Termy and believe he would want you to focus on all the good times and the love. God bless you.
georgesmom

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #9 
cosesmom, I just want to give you a big HUG and say I hope you are doing okay, and Happy Birthday to your dear Termy.

I (all of us here) know exactly how you feel.  I had a long "talk" with my boy, George, just last night - I lost him a month ago, and I too, had to make that decision we all dread and the picture in my head of his last day pops up and I cry.  I tell him I'm sorry, that I didn't want him to be sick, and I miss him so much, I wish I could hold him and kiss his sweet face and feel his little paws on my face like I did every night for 13 years.  I am thinking of making a memory garden as well, to try and take my mind off the guilt and sadness.  No matter what problems I faced, he would have been there for me, no matter how bad I felt, I would hold him and he would make me feel so much better, and now I have this constant tightness inside, I can't settle it quite yet.

  It is hard to not have them with us anymore, even though Termy and George both knew they had to go, it doesn't make sense to us right now because we feel that we let them down. 
Let's take each day and think of something good, I know I want to try.
I will be thinking of you and pray you find some peace, for I need to find it myself.
Pawprince

Registered:
Posts: 92
 #10 
Termy was adorable !!! He knows how much you loved him and always will. Thinking of you - praying you find peace.
Always__there

Registered:
Posts: 123
 #11 
Hello Coses,
Am happy that you sought the Solace of a Counsellor, on a professional level. She is absolutely correct in her thoughts of positivity !!
Grief is ever so silent and yes the tears flow, the Love felt is Strong and Forever everlasting.
What We as Pet Lovers once enjoyed, we never lose.
My beloved of 16y and Termy's long Life--- quite a feat !!!
Again I say, what a handsome photo.
Recall the ''Entire Span'' and not that of the final snap.
LONG LIVE SPIRITUALITY !!
Warm Wishes.....
Sherry
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #12 
My sweet Termy,
It's Memorial Day and so warm and sunny here on earth. I wish you were here so that I would have to make you move while I mowing the grass. How I miss you following me every lap around the yard. I finally found a yellow rose bush to plant in your Memory Garden and a bright yellow Shasta daisy. I hung your flag where I can see it from the house. It looks so good right now and every time I look at it, I smile. When the roses start to bloom this summer I will tenderly care for them as I cared for you. I picked yellow because it's a bright color just as you were the brightest in my life.
I had a good memory yesterday too. I remembered how you would hold a cottage cheese container with your paws and lick it clean. Then you would carry it off to your private place and lick it some more. I saw too that it was always a little harder for you to hold with your left paw because it's the one you broke and after it healed it never bent right anymore. It never slowed you down. You adapted and went on just as every moment was your last. This is the lessen you taught me, live everyday and embrace it as if it's your last. Kinda like, "Stop and smell the roses" . Thank you for being just you.
love mommy
Pawprince

Registered:
Posts: 92
 #13 
Wonderful remembrance- oh the life lessons they teach us :) thankful also <3
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #14 
[memorygarden]
My sweet Termy
I want everyone to see the start of your memory garden. I look at the yellow Shasta Daisy now and smile. I know once the rose starts to bloom I will feel a sense of peace when I look at your corner of the yard. I am having flags made for your brothers that I know you've met by now. Each and everyone of you have made your mark in my life. Patches was such a good boy and loved me like I was his world, Dakota, even in his short life made me feel safe and loved and you, Termy, loved me for who I was. Each one of you are special to me in your own way and I will always cherish the journey we traveled together and the memories we made together. I will stop and smell the roses every day of my life, because this is the lessen you shared with me. Even in your golden years you never regretted one day and got up and went on to live for today. Termy, you were the light on my darkest days and the sunshine that made life worth living.I feel your spirit around me and know that you are only a thought away. I will honor you everyday until we are reunited again. Have fun and enjoy your days and may God take care of you until then.
Mommy loves you so very much.
Lynnsa

Registered:
Posts: 63
 #15 
That is so beautiful šŸ˜
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #16 
My sweet Termy,
Not sure where my message went from the other day but I thought I would write and thank you for showing your star to me last night. It was cloudy after the rain and when I walked out I didn't think I would see any stars but to my surprise. I saw three! There were no others in the sky. One was the one I picked for Patches and another for Dakota and the third one was you, I just know it was. The night I had to let you go I went outside and looked up and there was a star that twinkled. I saw that star last night again. Just three of them for my Boys. I just knew you wouldn't let me down. Every night when I go out to look heavenward (where you are now) I look for the one and only star that twinkles and I talk to you and send you my love and a good night kiss. I never want you to ever think that I don't remember, because I do. I know you too are looking down and listening to me. You can't physically touch me to reassure me of your love but I feel your spirit and it surrounds me. You gave me so much. Thank you for sharing your life and love with me.
Miss you so much
Love mommy
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #17 
My sweet Termy,
I thought I would let you know that I am going to see a spiritualist  on Thursday  to get a reading and I am so hoping that she can connect with you and you can tell me that you are okay and that you are waiting for me with a wagging tail and a warm tongue. I miss you so very much. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you and send you my love. You are my world and my deepest love. May God hold you tight and whisper in your ear and stroke your head when you think of me. Last night it was cloudy and I couldn't see your star but I knew you were there. I hope you get all my goodnight kisses I send to you.
Mommy loves you so very much. [termy1181] 
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #18 
My sweet Termy,
I had my spiritual reading on Thursday and I was over the top with your visit. I asked you to come to me through the spiritual guide and you did. There were things she said to me that only people who knew would have know. I thank you for helping my broken heart and relieving my sorrow.
She asked if I had questions and I had two. First one was "is my dog happy and safe" ? She didn't know your were a boy but she answered, I see "him doing a waving thing with his paws does this make any sense? I told her, oh yes! You used to sit up and beg with both front paws. You also told her that you loved it when I rubbed your ears. I didn't know that but I loved doing it because your ears were ever so soft. You also said that I fed you to much. I'm sorry. I know (I think) it was the very last time you were able to eat and I fed you a mini cupcake and cheese and lord knows what else. I was so desperate to get you to eat that I just gave you anything. I wanted you to eat and get strong again but I made you sick because that night you threw it all up. Mommy is so sorry. I didn't know. I know you only ate those things for me because you loved me and didn't want to let me down.
But, my love your visit did give me peace. I know you aren't alone in heaven because my second question was about my sister and the spiritual guide knew that she passed first and was there waiting for you when you crossed over and you jumped into her arms. I can find peace knowing that my sister is taking care of "little Termy", that's what she always called you.
She reassured me that you are always around me. Your spirit surrounds me. You watch me sleep and you still follow me around. You've never really left me, I just can't see you but you are there, always.

Thank you my love.
cosesmom

Registered:
Posts: 580
 #19 
My sweet Termy,
Today is a good day. I thought of you often and even smiled a little. I walked your sister through the park and saw you in my minds eye at the tree where you read messages left by others that last weekend we spent together and today, I smiled while remembering. I look at your pictures and I see the love you shared with me shinning in your eyes. I know you adored me as I adored you. Our journey together was magical. I know when I remember, that the good memories will out number those last few. It will take time. I know you hear me every night when I talk to you as I gaze at your star and I can feel your love.
I miss you and always will
Love you tons
Mommy
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