Registered: 1174875149 Posts: 2,245
My Precious Christopher:
Today is Tuesday; the day of the week that you left me; the day my World changed Forever. Here I sit, next to your picture with your Angel Candle burning brightly, trying to type something to you through blinding tears and sadness in my Heart. This is my World Every Day. I wish you were here so I could hold you and share my thoughts with you as I did every day of your life. Now I must share those thoughts in your Journal as that is all I have. It has been 14 long months since my whole World was shattered. It has been 14 months since you left me here and went to the Bridge. God Must Have Needed A Very Special Angel To Take You From Me. I miss You Christopher and I will Forever. I know that you miss me too. My World without you is a world filled with darkness instead of sunshine. It is a World filled with tears and sadness; it is a World filled with pain. It is a World where no one should have to live. Night time is the most difficult time for me. Each night when I drive home the tears begin to fall as I know you will not be waiting for me. Friday night your loss hit me once again and the tears fell like a hail storm. I looked up into the sky to tell you I Loved you and there was your Beautiful Sparkling Star looking down on me. I know it was you because it was the only Star in the Sky. I know it was you following me home to make sure I was OK. I hate going home at night because you are not here. I miss playing peek-a- boo; I miss chasing you down the hallway; I miss watching you dance for me; I miss you stealing my food off my plate; I miss you. I miss my World as it use to be. There are really no words that are adequate to describe how your loss has affected my World. Is all I can say is I am sickened by the fact that you are Never coming back to Mommy. I still cannot believe that you are really gone Forever. How is it possible that I will Never see you again as long as I am on this earth? It just makes me so angry and so overwhelmed with pain that you are not here in my arms where you should be every day. I miss you every moment of every day and I will Forever. As I write this to you Rollo is sitting next to me watching me cry and trying to lick the tears from my face. When I look into his eyes it feels as if I am looking at you. I know that you sent him to help me through and to make my World a little better. I can feel your presence in my special room and I know that you are here with me. I know that your beautiful World has changed too. I Love You Christopher and I Miss You. My World is filled with loneliness and endless sad days. You were my Sunshine; you were my Smile; you were my Heart. I still have many days when I feel as if my Heart has been ripped from my chest and it is hard to breathe. My World has changed Forever. Mother's Day was another sad day without you my Angel. I just wanted to hold you in my arms and tell you that I Love You. How can you celebrate Mother's Day when one of your babies is gone? I pray every day that you will come to me in a dream so that I can hold you in my arms and kiss your sweet face. So far God has not granted my wish. I pray that you are OK and safe at the Bridge. I am only comforted by the fact that I know Grandma would never let anything happen to you. I know that she will keep you safe until I arrive. I know that Sammy is taking care of you too. Unfortunately that knowledge does little to make my World a better place. When my World gets really bad I read an article that Chancey and Digby's Mommy sent to me. This is what I read: How Long Will The Pain Last? Author: Martha White How long will the pain last?" a broken-hearted mourner asked me. "All the rest of your life", I have to answer truthfully. We never quite forget. No matter how many years pass, we remember. The loss of a loved one is like a major operation. Part of us is removed, and we have a scar for the rest of our lives. As years go by, we manage. There are things to do, people to care for, tasks that call for full attention. But the pain is still there, not far below the surface. We see a face that looks familiar, hear a voice that echoes, see a photograph in an album, see a landscape that once we saw together, and it seems as though a knife were in the wound again. But not so painfully. And mixed with joy, too. Because remembering a happy time is not all sorrow; it brings back happiness with it. How long will the pain last? All the rest of your life. But the thing to remember is that not only the pain will last, but the blessed memories as well. Tears are proof of life. The more love, the more tears. If this is true, then how could we ever ask that the pain cease all together. For then the memory of love would go with it. The pain of grief is the price we pay for love. So I guess this World of mine filled with tears is a normal World when you loose the Love of Your Life. As Martha White said, "The Pain is the Price We Pay For Love." Loving you and having your Love in my World is worth every ounce of pain and every tear I shed. Stay safe my Precious Angel until I can get there to take care of you. Please watch over Heather while she is in South Africa and take really good care of Grandpa, Grandma and Sammy for me. My World is a sad place without you. I count each day that passes as that means I am one day closer to being with you again Forever. I will count each day for the rest of my life. Never Forget That Mommy Will Be There Some Day And We Will Never Be Separated Again. We are ONE and no one can take that away from us-Ever.
HAPPY BRIDGE DAY PRECIOUS ANGEL. I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY WITH ALL YOUR NEW FRIENDS. TAKE REALLY GOOD CARE OF CHANCEY AND DIGBY AND BE A GOOD BOY. I WILL MISS YOU FOREVER PUNKY BREWSTER. May Gods Angels Watch Over You and Keep You Safe Rest in Peace My Little Man YOU ARE MY WORLD AND I LOVE YOU MOMMY
Registered: 1178570509 Posts: 1,288
Loving our little ones is the easiest and best thing we can ever do, I think. They make it easy because they give of themselves so freely. So once they are gone we are left feeling not just bereft but empty. When they leave us they take, not intentionally, but they do take the best thing we had with them, THEIR LOVE!!!! I know love never dies but we don't have their physical bodies here to hold onto anymore, something that we all need and want so badly. Even when we were away from them they were always on our minds and we knew that when we came home again they would be there, safe, happy and waiting to give us their special loves. The joy they provided was beyond measure and it is greatly missed. Our heads know that they are gone but our hearts still hold onto the love and that is all we have now. We try to make it be enough to last but it just doesn't work most of the time. We just want them to be with us still. I know how much you miss your Christopher and know that he misses you too. I wish there were words that would help with this loss but this is one personal journey we all have to travel on our own. No amount of words really help. It helps just knowing that we can come here to talk about our feelings and our pain, because it really is a pain we have, that there are people who understand what we are going through and allow us to mourn and talk about this loss. Know I am sending you many good thoughts that you can find some peace with this loss. As always, Helen
Registered: 1193079975 Posts: 12
I am so sorry for your loss...what a sweet little angel! Hugs - Monica
Registered: 1182281874 Posts: 540
Dearest Georgeann, your love and pain filled posts about sweet Christopher always touch me so much. I know each of your days without him are so dark and lonely and I wish there was something that I could do. I really do know how you are feeling as I feel the same way about my days without Peanut. Yesterday was her 11 month bridge day and I really dread the one year mark, at least it is not right on Father's Day this year(that celebration day will always be tainted as well for me unfortunately). I totally know what you mean about the pain, it is always here and it is always in our hearts. I feel so differently now that Peanut is no longer in my life and finding joy and happieness is really hard. I have two beautiful girls in my life so I feel bad for saying that but I just want Peanut too and then we would be complete. I look at her pictures lately and now they just make me sad, I just want to jump into the photo with her and hold her and kiss her all over. I remember about 4 months before P passed there was another falling down incident with her and we rushed her to the doggie ER and I thought for sure they would tell us to put her to sleep and we were prepared for it then. I held in her my arms in the car and cried all the way to the vet's. The Vet told us to try some meds and that see how she was in a few days because she seemed so lively. I can't even describe the total relief and happienss that I felt when we were on our way back home and I had Peanut tightly in my arms. It was at that moment that I felt total happienss knowing I was taking my girl back home to our family and we would all be together...my husband, the twins, Peanut and Baby Girl. So I guess I should be thankful for that extra 4 months with her but still my heart hurts. I can feel your agony over the loss of Christopher in your life and I wish I could do something to lighten your heart. We will always love and miss our furbabies but should take comfort that they are ok, we have to believe that. I think Christopher and Peanut are great buddies up at the Bridge along with Chancey and Digby and all the others. Christopher will always be inside you Georgeann and above watching over you. He is around you just not in the physical. A love like you shared with him lives on FOREVER.
Hugs my sweet friend, Karen
Registered: 1196453169 Posts: 1,415
Dear Georgeann--- My heart is grieving right along with you. My Teddy left me on a Tuesday also, and today--May 20-- is the 6-year anniversary of my Mother's death. It doesn't help that it's raining here, too.
Oh, dear Georgeann, I see myself like you in 7 1/2 months from now, with no end to this sorrow and sadness that envelopes us. Your post was so overwhelming, and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. We loved our little "people" so much that it's impossible to ever see happiness like we had before. It's just not the same anymore. Know you're not alone in this abyss--there are plenty of us here. But, you're not alone in the love and support we all have for one another either. That's what keeps us going until we can be reunited with our loving furchildren again. DEAREST CHRISTOPHER, HAPPY 14-MONTH BRIDGEDAY! Please let Teddy share in your festivities, along with Betsy and NinaMaria and the gang. Oh yes, and please come to visit your Mommy in a dream. She would love to see her little boy again. Much love and many hugs---Teddy's Mom
Registered: 1189564584 Posts: 493
I know it is hard to believe that your sweet Christopher has been gone for 14 months, I still have a hard time thinking that my Chiquita has been gone for almost 9 months. I will never get used to the idea of her being physically gone from our lives. I haven't been on the site lately, I have been very busy at work and working lots of hours, but my petloss family is always on my mind. Once again your letter to Christopher is so touching and so full of pure love. I continue to have you both in my thoughts and prayers... Hugs, Annette Chiquita's Mom HAPPY BRIDGE DAY SWEET CHRISTOPHER!! PLEASE GIVE A KISS AND A HUG TO MY CHIQUITA...
Registered: 1159225229 Posts: 332
(((((((((((((((( Georgeann )))))))))))))))
I haven't been around so much lately, but I did feel compelled to write to you. I am so sorry for your pain, truly I am. As I said to Helen in her recent post; I UNDERSTAND. I know Christopher was your whole world. He still is. And that is why your world feels so sad and empty now without him here with you. Your words made me very sad for you, because your love for your baby boy is so profound and beautiful that his loss has left you so broken-hearted. Your love with Christopher is very unique, as mine for Jetson is, and Helen's for Chancey and Digby is. Sometimes we are blessed once in a lifetime with a love like this. While we have it here, we just relish in every moment. We love every second. Until they have to go. Then we find pain and heartbreak in every moment and every second. Finding a way to deal with this pain is a real challenge; one which I personally still struggle with every day. I know you do, too. At times, when I feel more rational and logical, I say to myself I must appreciate the unique and one-in-millions love I was so privileged to have. So many never experience it. The only problem there is that it is a clear and direct result of that love which has left my heart, and probably Jetson's heart, broken to millions of pieces, never repairable. As your quote said; that is the price we pay for love. I don't know about you, but I would pay that price a million times over. I would not let go of a single second with him to give back a single tear I have shed since he had to go. He is worth it, our love is worth it. Christopher is worth every tear your broken heart sheds for him. He will never stop loving you; not ever. Do take comfort in that Georgeann, if you can. Until then, I do so wish you some true peace. Christopher will come to you in a dream. Jetson waited about 18 months to come to me; and I got to cuddle him and love him and kiss him so much I think his fur was about to fall off :-) Love and hugs, Barb.
Registered: 1197250967 Posts: 258
You speak my heart. Each time that I read of your great love for your sweet Christopher and your emptiness without him, I feel as though I am looking in a mirror. I hope that you don't mind my saying that...I know that grief is a very personal and individual thing and I do not mean to infringe on your feelings. It is just that I find myself relating so much when I read your posts. It has only been 5 1/2 months since I lost my own little guy, Max, but I know that I will not miss him less or grieve less at 14 months. As the article that you shared suggested, I do think that this everlasting scar on our hearts is "normal". We never "get over" our grief, we can only hope to learn to manage it as time passes. But oh, when the wound reopens, it hurts as much as when it was new! Your words to Christopher are so beautiful and I know that he "hears" every one. I am so happy that he sends his special star to guide and comfort you. I hope that this beautiful light of his shines into the dark corners of your heart and helps to ease your hurting. His love is surrounding you always. You are, as always in my thoughts and prayers, as is little Christopher. Sweet little Christopher, send your loving light to warm your Mommy's heart. She misses you so. Visit her so that she knows that you are safe and will patiently await her. Many warm thoughts, Joanne ~ MaxsMom
Registered: 1165864486 Posts: 577
I always keep you in my thoughts as I log on here. Amazing how the time has gone. Would you believe next month is 18 months for me? Feels like so much more and yet so much less. I feel everything you wrote. It hit close to my heart. I too have the hardest time at night. I could be okay during that very day, only to feel a sadness that night and if I think about it more than a minute, I am left crying. I know this will never leave me as a part of my heart and life left. That poem you shared, thank you for sharing it. It hit home for me. I never realized how hard this would all be, although I did, if that makes sense. You take care. Happy 14 month bridgeday Christopher! So many hugs to you always Georgeann! Cindy MErry's mom
Registered: 1177131273 Posts: 558
I'm in tears reading your letter to your dearest Christopher. I feel everything that you wrote as well. There won't ever be another like your Christopher and my Golda. Their place in our hearts are theirs alone and no other can ever fill it. It is very hard to face each day. And each night is difficult to know that their sweet faces won't be there to greet us. Even through the pain of loosing them, it was worth every moment that we were blessed to spend with them. It just doesn't seem fair that these bundles of wonder can't live longer, but I've come to believe that God couldn't stand to be without their beautiful souls to shine their lights in heaven. Please know that I feel your pain on this difficult 14th month bridge day. I'm still not at the place that I can say "Happy Bridgeday Dearest Christopher". I hope that Christopher sends you and amazing dream that he is once again in your arms. Huge hugs, Golda's Mom
Registered: 1160702030 Posts: 847
Dear Georgeann, Oh sweetheart, how I wish I could take away your deep, intense pain. You are right that it is a world that no one should have to live. If only we could leave this world together with them… when they closed that cremation door I literally collapsed. Your dear grandma is certainly taking care of your precious boy, along with grandpa and Sammy, they are preparing a place for you when it is time, though it seems so far away. One day at a time, we’ll be there but the road there sure is a long one. That Martha White article sure is right about our losses being like a major operation and part of us being removed- my heart feels like it’s operating just on threads, especially at night. I saw a kitty at PetSmart that looked so much like Tweeny, even the same size as my wee little girl, I just could not leave. When my fiancé went there a few days later, he said she was already gone. But I know it’s not her, I just pray that she found a loving forever home. This sure hurts more than we ever realized, and I don’t understand why it was made to be so painful. But their love is also more powerful than anything we’ve ever had- the greatest gift, and yet it is ours forever. I pray that you get your dream visit soon from your precious Christopher. Love from Tweeny's ma
Registered: 1172296231 Posts: 1,093
As you know, I share so many of these feelings of sadness and loss with you. I miss Molly every moment of every day, too. I wish she were here - I wish there was just "one more" everything. One more hour, one more day, one more Christmas... one more everything. The pain is so intense and lingering, as you know so well. My heart breaks that you have this pain - I wish there was something, anything, to help. I know that you wouldn't trade any of your days with Christopher, though, even if it meant not having this pain. I know that he loves you just as much as you love him. I know that he and Molly must be taking care of each other - they have to. I know that one day your heart will be whole again, as you see your Christopher again, never to be separated again.
My heart and thoughts are with you today, as they are so often. Please let me know if there's anything I can do.
Big hugs and lots of love to you, and to Christopher.
Registered: 1157852068 Posts: 1,001
Oh Georgeann, I can feel how much sadness is in your heart and I remember well when Max was first gone from me, I felt like I walked in darkness every day and I went to all the places we walked together but I felt so strange to be walking by myself. I kept a journal just a notepad in my bag and I wrote and wrote everything that I was feeling inside of me and as time passed I felt it helped to release some of the heart ache I was feeling. No one understood until I found this board . I just could couldnt express my pain to anyone in my family or the friends I used to know until I wandered here and found such Love and devotion and true friends of the heart. The pain and sadness remained but it was lighter some how and I felt safe here. It is such a long journey and one we never wanted to be on but we loved our little angels so deeply that the pain is as deep as the Love. My heart isnt hurting as it did so long ago but I still have days when I miss Max so much but I know Max & Christopher came to us for a reason and we hold their memories close to our heart and tell their story of love and in time peace finds its way into our heart when we least expect it. I never thought I could smile again or have hope but I believe our furchildren lead us to where we need to be and are watching over us. I hope that Christopher comes to you in a dream and brings a peaceful message to you to help you heal. I havent had many dreams of Max but after about two years, I had this lovely dream of him. I always felt I didnt tell him all that my heart felt and in the dream he was staring into my eyes and I was staring at him and holding him close and we didnt speak and it was as if he was telling me that it didnt matter that I was so numb when I had to let him go and that he knew what was in my heart~no words needed to be spoken and I felt such peace after that dream . I would love to have more dreams of him but so far I have not. Christopher is safe and well and surrounded in Love with all of our furchildren. Always believe and have hope because you will see him again one lovely day. Hugs to you, Max's mom Jo
Registered: 1207914495 Posts: 38
Dearest Georgeann, Iam so saddened by the loss of your Precious Angel Christopher; he is such a darling;Thank you so much for your words of love and caring for Miss Lucy;and Molly. "A Mother Holds Her Childrens Hand For A While, Their Hearts Forever" unfortunately it is so Hard to let go;; and the pain is over whelming;;;Prayers and our Thoughts are with you;; MOLLYSMUM. Marion.
Registered: 1191007658 Posts: 230
dear georgann, i know how you miss your precious christopher. i am so sorry for your pain. i am sending prayers and big hugs to you....... i am sure christopher and arthur and chancey and digby and all the petloss babies are together. watching us and waiting for the day we all can be reunited in heaven. may god give you sunshine and peace today............. love, amy
Registered: 1192815206 Posts: 1,198
My heart aches for you as I read your post. What you wrote about Christopher is exactly how I feel about Blackie. The day Blackie left me my world changed forever. You wrote "My World without you is a world filled with darkness instead of sunshine. It is a World filled with tears and sadness; it is a World filled with pain. It is a World where no one should have to live." I completely agree with you and feel the same as you do. Like you, nighttimes are still very difficult for me. I have a flicker candle I keep by my bed that I light before I try to fall asleep each night. The silence of the evening is so difficult for me to bear that I have taken to falling asleep with my TV on just so there is something to occupy my mind and keep me from thinking of Blackie as I fall asleep. I also hate going home at night because Blackie is not here. Like you, I miss my world as it use to be and would give almost anything to have it back the way it was before Blackie died. I completely understand everything you wrote in your post, it really speaks to my heart. I wish I could say something to you to comfort you and take away your sadness and your pain. I wish we lived near each other so I could reach out to you and give you a hug and help wash away your tears. But we don't and I can't, so all I can say to you is I understand. I hope some day you are able to find some peace and that your heart isn't in so much pain as it is right now. Until then, please keep coming here and sharing your heart and your memories of your life with Christopher with us. We will always be here to listen without judgment. Take care, Kelly Blackie's mommy
Registered: 1194492978 Posts: 5,100
There is not one day that goes by that I don't think of you and Christopher. Your post about losing Christopher was one of the first posts I read on this website. The perfect love and devotion the two of you shared touched my heart. And, continues to do so.
I am keenly aware of your suffering and longing for him, as I have been experiencing those same emotions about my Betsy. Sometimes the longing can be so intense you think you might simply implode. Today, I was walking past a house we rented before we bought our current home. All I could think of as I walked past was Betsy in the backyard, me walking Betsy in the front yard, Betsy walking down the little lane with me, and so on. I started crying as I walked past. So, I TOTALLY identify with your pain.
I agree that Mother's Day just isn't the same when one of our babies is gone. Our loss colors everything. I have two surviving babies who need me and love me with all their hearts. And, God knows I love them. But, my little girl, my baby, my dog daughter is gone....and nothing feels quite right. Nothing. And there is nothing I can do to change that. What a sick and helpless feeling. Christopher, I know, was your little man. I used to read your posts when I first came to Petloss. I would gaze at his picture and read those precious words, "My little man" and cry. I would sit there and cry. I am crying now. What do we do without them? I haven't yet figured that out. I am so glad you journal for Christopher. I want to start a journal for Betsy, but when I try, I break down and sob like crazy. Georgeann, right before I took her to be put to sleep I wrote out a little note to her. I wanted to do a little love letter to her before she was gone, so I would have it as a keepsake after I read it to her. Now, when I read the words I wrote I feel like someone is tearing my heart out through my chest wall. You are so strong and brave to be able to write. I believe with all my heart that Christopher sent Rollo to comfort you and watch over you for him. When you described how Rollo tries to lick away your tears, I knew Christopher had a paw in choosing him for you.
Georgeann, may Christopher's loving and boundless spirit always be beside you until you reunite at the Bridge. And, may his special star guide you every day of your life.
Sending hugs to you, Melissa
Registered: 1174875149 Posts: 2,245
Dearest Helen,Monica,Karen,HelenY,Annette,Barb,Joanne,Cindy,Tweeny's Ma,Robyn,Jo,Marion,Amy,Kelly, and Melissa:
My life is a little hectic now so I have not had time to respond to each of you individually. I will do that but I wanted to let you know how important each post was to me and how much I appreciate your support. I do not know what I would do without all of you. Your posts were so beautiful and I cried as I read each one. God Bless All of You and Thank You From The Bottom Of What Is Left Of My Heart. I will write to you all soon. Love and Big Hugs Georgeann and Christopher Forever
Registered: 1185992427 Posts: 613
Dear Georgeann, your post to your precious Christopher was so moving, and I surely feel your pain as you ache for your little man after 14 months of separation. I wish he would visit you more often in your dreams, that would be comforting but it may take some more time for that to happen. I am so sorry for your continuing pain over the devastating loss of your sweet little guy, I am glad you have your other fur baby to snuggle with as that must help you feel Christopher's presence as well. Rest assured that your baby is being very well cared for and nurtured on a daily basis at the Rainbow Bridge. He is well loved there, as he was here. Wishing you peace my friend, love, Jan