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ttlayli84

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Posts: 1
 #1 
11 years ago, I purchased a yorkie at 8 weeks old and he was basically my baby. Wherever I went, he went. When I was in college, he was there with me at my apartment out of state. When I moved back east for a 6 month internship, he came along. He's been there for me through breakups, loss of friendships, new jobs, growth, etc. 

A few years ago he was diagnosed with a collapsed trachea. He took medication and my vet advised me of the stent surgery. He had his bad days, but for the most part he was doing very well and was a happy, playful dog. 

Monday night he was coughing a bit and I planned on taking him to the vet the next morning. When I woke up yesterday, I thought he was sleeping and kept calling for him. Then i was afraid to touch him, so I was looking at him, frantically calling his name. I broke down and called my mom who left work immediately to be there for me. At the moment he is getting cremated. 

I keep feeling bad, like why didn't I just take him to the vet that night?And i don't know if I will ever get through this pain. I was already depressed and now I feel that I cannot go on. He was my best friend and the love of my life. I am introverted and am dealing with things personally so all I had was my dog. Every time I think I am getting better, I burst in tears again. I have the worst headache and my eyelids are raw because I've been hurting so bad. I don't even think I can ever get another dog again. I've never felt pain this bad.
cosesmom

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Posts: 580
 #2 
Please don't beat yourself up. You did what you thought was right at the time. Maybe taking him in the night before wouldn't have made a difference, no one can know. You were there for him as he was with you. Always together. He passed at home with you not at a place alone.
You will get through this as all of us here has. It does get better, you will have your ups and downs and your good days and bad days. Hang onto the sweetest times.
I know the pain you are feeling. I do hope someday you can share your heart with another, it's what our babies would want. I said the very same thing in 2000 when I lost Dakota but then I shared over 16 wonderful years with Termy (Terminator) and I wouldn't have not wanted the memories we shared. I still cry and miss him very much. You wouldn't be replacing your baby just carry on a love in his honor.
Love and doggie hugs
Termy's mom
bamastrunk

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Posts: 3
 #3 
This time 3 days ago I had never heard of this website. My Yorki max was laying in my lap getting his belly rubbed. My how your world can turn upside down in the blink of an eye. Like you we suddenly lost the love of our life too. Our Yorki turned 10 years old on November the 12th and we just celebrated his birthday a few weeks ago. We already have his Christmas stocking hung with all the decorations. Now he's gone and our hearts are broken beyond repair. Your situation is a lot like ours. Max was diagnosed with a collapsed trachea 4 years ago. He started coughing when he'd get a drink of water then it got worse. His cough turned into coughing pretty much through out the day but with medication we kept it somewhat controlled. I honestly don't think that his trachea is what he died from but it could have caused the onset of something else that resulted in his death. What happend to our max was sudden and unexpected. This past Monday (two days ago) max was coughing but no more than usual and he was very restless. He'd lay down for a second then get up and move to another spot then he'd get up walk around the house like he was confused a little. He kept trying to find a comfortable spot to lay but just couldn't. My wife was sitting in the recliner and max scratched at her leg wanting in her lap. She picked him up and laid him there but again he couldn't get comfortable at all he want down. She sat him in the floor and he wondered around a little bit then he wanted on the couch with me. I put him on the couch but he immediately wanted down. He was breathing faster than normal. Short fast breaths. I sat in on the floor and he took maybe 2 or 3 steps and collapsed. My wife said oh god mark there's blood by his eye on the carpet. I got in the floor with him and his breathing had stopped. His eyes were wide open and he was vet limber like a doll. His little legs jerked a couple of times and no more response out of him after that. I rushed him to the university of Tennessee emergency after hours vet but when we got there he was gone. My daughter went with me and I couldn't speak. I was so scared and I was crying I couldn't get the words to come out. They looked at him and said we're sorry but he's gone. We brought him home and wrapped him in a blanket and I placed him in a coffin around 1 am in the morning. My wife and my daughter and myself kissed him on the head and said goodbye. I told him I'm sorry. I was his protector and all I could do was watch him die in front of me. I let him down. He should be with me right now laying in my lap instead of me writing this message. My world is completely turned upside down now. My wife is severally depressed. She's physically sick over his death. The three of us haven't stopped crying since Monday night. We've never experienced a pet death before. I honestly thought I could handle it better but I can't. While we were at dinner today I forgot he had died for a brief minute and looked down at the floor and he wasn't there then it hit me. I had to leave the table and go to another room and cry. It's just so unreal. I know exactly how you are feeling. It's a knife in your heart and you just want to crawl in a hole and die. Constant reminders around the house that he's supposed to be here. I'll never get over this loss. He wasn't a dog he was our child and it's killing us. I'm writing this with tearful emotions so I apologize for mistakes and misspelled words. It does feel somewhat better to talk about it but at the same time I wish I had never heard of this site. I wish I had my boy back :'(
Kbakerr

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Posts: 1
 #4 
I lost my precious baby just yesterday. My Yorkie, Mickey, had been diagnosed with an enlarged heart. He was on lasix, vetmedin, cough medicine and blood pressure meds. He was doing fine until Saturday night. He woke me about midnight coughing. He couldn't be still due to his labored breathing. I took him to the nearest emergency vet clinic. They immediately put him in an oxygen chamber to try  to stabilize him enough for IV lasix. I got to tell him goodbye but only through the plastic door. So the last time I saw my precious angel he was pawing at the door for me. I couldn't touch him. I had to just walk away. I did not think this was the last time I would ever see him. My heart is broken. I don't think I will ever get over watching him paw at the glass for me as the last time I saw my baby. I got a call about an hour later that he had passed. I don't know how to go on. I hope he knows how much I love him. 
bamastrunk

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Posts: 3
 #5 
I wish I could tell you it gets easier but it hasn't for me. It still feels like a horrible dream. It's been a week for us We lost our boy last Monday night. We didn't make it to the emergency ER in time he died at home or on the way over there. He was panting fast like yours. I'm wondering now if our max development heart problems after His last vet checkup in December of last year. I discussed his death with my vet after he died and his heart was fine at the last check up according to my vet. She told us it could have been a number of things but to know for sure we would have had to have his body examined. I had buried him but then. I wish I knew for sure. I feel so sorry for you and your family as I do for everyone who's grieving their babies. Hopefully time will somewhat heal all of us.

Mark
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