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kehoso71mn

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Posts: 1
 #1 
Hi,

My name is Keith and I am looking for advice from other people so I can better deal with the loss of my cat John. 

John was a stray cat that I found outside of my apartment building back in August of 2000. He followed me into the lobby of the building and he was talking to me while I was getting my mail and I instantly fell in love with him. I knew that I had to keep him and give him a home, but my landlords did not allow cats, so I secretly kept him in the apartment until I found a house to rent a few days later.

He was such a fun and energetic cat and he loved to play a lot during the day. His favorite thing to do was to chase wiffle balls around the house. Many times when I was sleeping he would drop a wiffle ball next to me in bed and then wake me up so I would throw it for him. He was also a cat that was incredibly sweet and loved attention. I used to call him a mush because he was totally happy sitting on my lap so I could give him attention or just laying in my arms for hours and taking naps. Those times were some of my favorite times with him. 

John passed away on October 20th because he had diabetes. He was between 17 and 18 years old. Ever since he passed away I have had an almost impossible time dealing with him being gone. I thought that dealing with the loss would get easier over the days, but it is actually getting harder and harder because I miss him so much.

I also have been dealing with incredible feelings of guilt because I didn't notice that he was sick. He developed a slight limp on his back left leg when he walked and I thought that he just twisted something when he jumped off of the bed and that he would be fine in a day or two. A few days later though he was still limping and he started to have trouble getting up and walking, so I called the vet and made an appointment for John. I couldn't get in to see the vet for a couple of days and John's situation became worse because by the time that I got him to the vet he could barely stand when I tried to get him up and all that he wanted to do was lay down. The vet did a blood test on John and he found that he had a very bad case of diabetes. I left John with the vet so he could be treated and I hoped to God that he would be ok, but I received a call from the vet a few hours later and he told me that John had passed away. I feel like I am responsible for John dying because I should have noticed that he was sick and if I had gotten him to the vet sooner then he might have been saved.

I know that there are many people here on this message board that have experienced the loss of their pets, so I am really hoping that some of you can help me to better deal with John being gone. Every day I have times when I think about him and it feels like someone kicked me in the guts and I can't stop crying. I always knew that losing him someday was going to be really difficult because I loved him so much, but I had no idea that the pain would be so bad.
Heatherb

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Posts: 1
 #2 
I am so sorry to hear about John. They truly become such a staple in your life. He sounds like he was a really good boy. On Friday, we had to put our kitty Mugsy down, due to complications with his kidneys. I just want you to know (if it’s any consolation) that I am having the same struggle you are. There were signs that Mugsy may be a little sick, but not enough to rush him to the vet. I’m feeling so guilty, even though I know I shouldn’t. He was eating just fine, playing, acting like himself. It only took 2 days for him to go completely down hill. I can’t help but wonder if he would have been okay if I had brought him sooner. Our vet told us that cats in particular are extremely good at hiding their sicknesses. She said it happens all of the time. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about- but this lump in my throat just won’t go away. I want to drive back to the vet- but I’m not sure why. Again, I’m so sorry for your loss.
VT

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Posts: 32
 #3 
Hi Keith,

Just wanted to say I completely understand how you feel. I too got the call from the vet telling me my best mate had died. Just completely devastating. This happened 5 weeks ago and I still cry every day but I can laugh at the memories too now. I have no great advice on how to get through the sadness. I light a candle every night when I get home that sits next to his ashes and carry the ashes to bed some nights. This is comforting to me.

I just looked over at his ashes and the photo next to them and smiled. So it does get easier. Not heaps but a little. I imagine I'm going to be sad for a while yet. I guess it hurts so much because they were loved so much so that's a small comfort too.

Take care
HeartBroken12

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Posts: 158
 #4 
Hello Keith, so sorry to hear about John's passing! 
Everyone dealing with their loss differently, so I think it's not too easy to give an advice but I could share my way of coping with it. First 3 days or so I hardly got out of bed, ate very minimum but only because my family was worried about me, and didn't drink much but realize I don't wanna end up sick or even in a hospital of dehydration or something. They I started to think that my baby boy never wanted me to struggle, so I knew I need to get out of bed and take care of myself. He was my everything and I was devastated! I didn't know how could I do anything without him! I cried and cried. First thing was I searched for a pet loss group online and found this. I spent about 3 hrs in the chat room the day after he was gone. I didn't really share my story, but read about other losses. It was sad to see that people going through this daily, but 
Hello Keith, so sorry to hear about John's passing!
Everyone dealing with their losses differently, so I think it's not too easy to give an advice but I could share my coping with it. First 3 days or so I hardly got out of bed, ate very minimum but only because my family was worried about me, and didn't drink much but realize I don't wanna end up sick or even in a hospital of dehydration or something. They I started to think that my baby boy never wanted me to struggle, so I knew I need to get out of bed and take care of myself. He was my everything and I was devastated! I didn't know how could I do anything without him! I cried and cried. First thing was I searched for a pet loss group online and found this. I spent about 3 hrs in the chat room the day after he was gone. I didn't really share my story, but read about other losses. It was sad to see that people going through this daily, but knowing that they understand and can relate to this heart wrecking pain, helped in someway.
I've started writing a journal about things I would talk to him about, lit a candle on the night of his passing and still doing it weekly. When I started writing, I had mixed emotions. Somewhat felt like he is still around, but in the same times it made me realize he isn't anymore. Well I'm sure all these don't really help you, but when they say time helps, it's true in a way. I really don't think it gets easier in days, but more so after some month passed.
My advice would be to try to be easier on yourself and possibly not to blame you for his passing. It is easier to say then done I know, but I'm sure John wouldn't want you to be so sad and heartbroken. It might be helpful to get some books on pet losses from the library and/or even search online. Journal writing helps me to be somewhat connected and keep memories alive.
A week after he passed I had to get out of the house. I knew if I didn't, I'll go "crazy". So I went out and did something for him. Then I've started to get back to my hobbies, so I was able to get my mind at rest for the time being. It doesn't mean I haven't thought about him at all, because I did!
Also what helped me was talking to a close friend who works as a ...... and an other friend who actually understands the pain and heartbreak that comes with the loss.
Then you'll go through the stages of coping, which I still haven't figure out exactly, but I know denial is a part of it.
Thinking about the good times instead of the loss and the last few days of my furbaby could help some, but I haven't even got to that point after 3 month.
Well I hope you're able to find support and something that would ease the pain soon.
I hope any of my words help. Blessings!
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