Registered: 1515523584 Posts: 2
I lost my by Roy almost 5 months ago now. I came home after beeing away for a while, and as allways I was soo unbelivebly happy to be home with him again. I loved seeing his face when he reliced it was me, that I was home. But this time, noone greeted me by the door. My father who had picked me up delayed going in our front door, saying he had to check something i the garage, It was the way my mom said welcome back. It was like she dreeded it. I was looking around for Roy thinking, my old slightly hairing impard as he had been of late hadent heard the car arrive or my footsteps up the stair. I thought for a second «I´ll sneak up on him haha» ....»where is Roy?» I asked my mom. Here face changed, it drew together and I knew.
He died a week before I came home. They wouldnt tell me of fear for how I´d react. Now I reacted, I cried for a week, red eyes and problems with breathing. But then I had to go back to my normal life. My mom thinks of sorrow as most emotions, don´t overdo it. So I started hiding it. crying in secret, hiding it from all around. I told a few friend, when I managed to uttter the words. Few got it, a few «o, im so sorry. I know how much you loved him» and then they jump straight onto telling about some stupied meaningless loveintrest who said that or whatever. So I smile and I deflect, and I hide my pain and make them keep talking so I don´t need to exsist in the conversation. And I let noone know, that yes its been allmost 5 months but I´m not better. I still cry every night, I bit my toungh everyday not to cry in public. I miss him all the time. And I just can´t f****** breath knowing that he´s not alive anymore. Knowing he wont greath me at the door. He won´t chase mice or birds anymore. He won´t be taking little «secret walks» around the village anymore. He won´t do take the bus home all alone with his head on the busdrivers knee anymore. And he wont sit on my lap anymore, forcing me to stroke his fur. And he wont climb into my bed when I´m crying, and make me feel better.
So no I´m not okay, it is not okay. And I just had to tell someone.
Registered: 1512943958 Posts: 14
I'm sorry for your loss.
Even months after the death of a pet, the pain is still fresh and unfortunately, some people just don't understand. Losing a pet means losing a part of your family, a part of you. When my Jake died, I didn't think I'd ever move on, I still haven't but it's getting easier. I can understand how infuriating it can be when someone says something like 'I know how much you loved them' because they don't know. They don't understand that you lost a member of your family and should be treated as such, and they should understand that it won't be easy to just 'get over it' in the blink of an eye. It's always the small things our fur babies done that breaks our hearts the most, and knowing they won't be doing those things anymore just adds salt to the wound. I hope instead of bottling up your emotions, you come on here and write it all out. Sometimes it can feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Just know that everyone here understands what you're going through. Grieving takes weeks, months and even years. Go at your own pace, and honestly speaking from the bottom of my heart, even if it seems impossible, things will get easier.
Registered: 1514753321 Posts: 11
I am sorry. I know how you feel. My days are full of darkness. I lost my 11 yr old dog Griffen tragically and I wasn't there for him. The pain is unbearable. This happened this Christmas Eve. I am not okay either. It's okay to cry. Don't let anyone tell you differently. I hope your heart heals and you are left with only the wonderful memories of Roy.
Registered: 1498611382 Posts: 580
I am so sorry you have to go through the pain and heart ache of losing Roy. It doesn't matter how long theyv'e been gone the hurt is still the same. There are those that say they love us but they just don't understand. Sometimes we grieve alone and if we are lucky we have people around us that do "get it". I wish your home coming could have been different. I am so glad you found this site, we are all here for a reason, we all have gone through the pain of losing our fur babies. It's been four months since I lost my Heart dog and I still cry and hurt just as if it was yesterday. Keep coming here, we all are great listeners.
Love and doggie hugs Termy's mom
Registered: 1515523584 Posts: 2
Thanks for all your replys. It really did feel like it helped telling someone, and you made me feel like I wasn´t just talking to wall and that I wasnt completly alone. Thank you.
Registered: 1403126300 Posts: 377
Awww I'm so sorry for your loss my heart hurts for you right now :( I completely understand how painful it is to lose your friend of many years. Especially if he was your only fur-baby and you were already just to him being around you. When I first lost my princess I was reacting the same way I was always hiding my emotions from others because I was afraid that they would laugh of me for crying due to an animal like a person would say it. Everytime I was in front of my family I pretended to be ok and happy so they will not notice the terrible pain I was in. But sometimes it was hard and I ended up in tears right in front of them I couldn't help it. The loss of a friend is just hard and I wish I could do something to help you feel better, but all I could say is we are all here for you if you need us. Peace and love to you and I hope that your hurting heart soon turns into happy memories from your wonderful baby boy Roy. ~ Mayra