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Angela11

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Posts: 1
 #1 

I would love to bounce this off of others who understand the depth of despair you have when losing a dog. I have gotten advice from friends/fam close to me but I don't think they know how I feel. I lost both my parents very tragically when I was pretty young, and a couple years before my mom passed away, I was 19, and I got a puppy with her. He was the absolute LOVE OF MY LIFE, brought me so much joy, and felt like my little soul mate. When my mom died it was just me and him in a big city and he was like my family, also a huge connection to my mom who I missed terribly. He died after 16 very joyful years, this past March. I've been absolutely devastated. No words to describe it. In a way it's like I lost myself? It's strange. ANYWAY: I felt like I was processing the grief though (no stranger to it) and in the midst of it got another puppy two months later because I thought it would help my severe sadness- and with quarantine, I thought, so much time to raise a puppy. Problem is, I feel MUCH worse now and weirdly sick over having another dog here. Of course I love and play and take great care of it! But inside I feel heartbroken, guilty as if I replaced my last dog when that couldn't be furthest from the truth, paranoid people think I did it too quickly, sad that I brought another dog in before I was ready. TERRIBLY mad at myself for rushing and thinking I was ready....but I was so sad and lonely and social isolating I thought it would help. I'm afraid I made a terrible mistake. Worst part is I got the same breed (different color and look though) and now in hindsight think I should have gotten a totally different dog. Sorry for the long context - but do you guys think I should power through and hope and pray I get to a place where I can bond with him? The breeder is an incredible woman and she'd support taking him back if I'm not ready - but she's relocated for a while and it's far away. I love this puppy, I do! But the grief and what I can only describe as feeling 'weird' and 'disorienting' has taken over. Is it because we are so used to our past pet that embracing a new one is so hard? I have so many friends text me and say 'how wonderful!! congrats!!' yet inside my stomach turns because I feel so sad still and unable to adjust. Part of me wants two pups to have as buddies so there's a dynamic shift from the relationship I had with my last dog. He just was my whole heart and I never in a million years thought embracing a new dog would be so hard me. Any thoughts would be sincerely appreciated. 

ViMS

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Posts: 6
 #2 
Hello Angela11,

I definitely can relate to where you’re coming from. I got a new puppy about 3 weeks after I lost my sweet girl Bailey and the guilt killed me at first. I felt like I was replacing my Bailey girl and didn’t want others to think that’s what I was doing or that it was too soon. I guess in my head I thought it would help with the anxiety and overwhelming sadness I was feeling from losing my baby. I never wanted to feel like I was replacing bailey or was trying to because in all reality, nothing and no one could replace her. I feel her with me all the time. I felt a little detached and sad when I got my new puppy. It almost made me sad because I couldn’t show her the affection she deserved in the beginning because I’m still sad over losing my girl, but slowly she starts to remind me so much of Bailey. I love her so much already. It helps me when I talk out loud to my Bailey girl. I always let her know how much I miss and love her. Don’t be so hard on yourself. He is always going to be with you. Adjusting will always be hard after losing someone who meant the world to you but take your time. Be patient with yourself. I hope this helps!
Muleymaggie

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Posts: 8
 #3 
It’s always hard starting over with a different pup and puppies are very needy , particularly the first year of life. No dog can replace the one you lost. You had a long term bond and your starting all over to build a long term relationship with the new one. It takes time. This pup will have its own personality, different than the previous dog. Give yourself some grace, tell the pup on those quiet moments about your other baby, enjoy the time together. They are sweet babies for such a short time but I bet he to will emerge into another love in your life. I just lost my Dane unexpectedly so I’m dealing with the agony of death right now. You might still be concluding your heartbreak in the midst of raising a new one. Generally we all come to a level of acceptance where we can move on, remembering the wonderful times we had together. It just takes time and it can be painful at times. You made more room in your heart is all for another pup that needs a compassionate home and parent. You’re it and I bet you’ll do an amazing job at this.
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