Registered: 1288589983 Posts: 2
Hi everyone. I am truly heartbroken and have no one to turn to. My puppy of 11 months, Bella, had to be put to sleep yesterday. She was going to be a year old on Friday and we had her special day all planned. Due to an unfortunate accident , our curious puppy got into some snail bait and lawn fertilizer and the injuries were too severe. I couldn't ever have imagined the enormous pit of despair that I have fallen into. At first I first felt ridiculous, "she's just a dog" I thought. Then I came home and saw her empty bowl, her empty kennel, her favorite toy and I got so angry that I didn't take any time the morning that she passed to play with her or even pet her one last time. I'm sad I never told her how no matter what happened, she always brightened my day. Never again will she greet me before dawn while I'm getting ready for work. Today I tried to be cheerful, but every time I see her picture or see someone walking their dog, I feel a horrible pain that shakes me to my core. Will I ever feel normal again? Will my home ever feel comforting again? I read "Rainbow Bridge" and I hope hope hope Bella is waiting for me. Waiting to look at me with those big brown eyes I loved so much.
Registered: 1288219855 Posts: 130
I 'm so sorry for your loss.. Bella will be ok now, playing with her new friends at the rainbow bridge..
I' ve lost my miou a week ago and i understand completely the way you feel.. I was feeling broken and alone but then i found here help and support that i did not even imagine i could ever get.. You are not alone, we all feel the same pain and we all understand.. The pain is so hard, the tears so many but i can speak to people that don' t judge the way i feel.. Every single day is a new step.. Yesterday i was thinking why i named my miou with that name with tears but with a little smile.. Every time i see her picture, every time i walk into her room and play with my other babies-friends of miou, i feel weird.. I feel different and so confused.. Any time you need a friend we are here for you.. Take care of yourself! Maria..
Registered: 1288125073 Posts: 50
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my cat, Muffin, after 10 years last Thursday. I had her euthanized and on top of the emptiness without her here I have remorse over my decision. Maybe I should have taken a day to think about it (although last Monday I was told based on her condition it was probably the best thing, but I went for a second opinion and it turned out after further testing she had a malignancy in her abdomen), or searched for other options, but then I guess the reality is that would have only prolonged her life -- and I know I would have prolonged it for me, so I wouldn't be going through this pain and agony. I think even if she had died naturally I would still think I should have maybe tried this or that, or I would have beaten myself up thinking I should have euthanized her when I had the chance if I watched her starve to death and if she was in a lot of pain. I think no matter what, it is hard to come to terms with what takes out babies. I often wonder why God puts these wonderful creatures in our lives, only to take them away so soon (so soon meaning they don't get to live as long as we do, so even if an animal dies at 20 it is still too soon).
You are going through so many thoughts and feelings that I am. I do have another kitty -- Binkie -- and I am trying, trying to reach out to her, but I feel guilty because by giving Binkie a little extra love and attention I feel I should have done that with Muffin. Still, my home is quiet, my bed at night is cold, her bowl just sits there -- even though in her last few days she didn't want to eat. Her little spots where she slept are still there. Basically the whole upstairs brings me to tears whenever I go there because she was so shy and skittish toward others, she just preferred being up there. I can't clean up there, and I won't vacuum. I want everything the way it was when she died. I even think things like -- she was alive this time last week. I just can't comprehend my baby is gone. She was such a "mama's girl" and I do feel I let her down. I keep hoping for a sign that she is ok. But, I guess the more I look for it, the more I'll probably miss it. Willl we ever feel normal again, or will our homes feel comforting again? I believe someday yes. But, it won't be the same. We have changed now, our world has changed, but it will become a different normal, a different comforting feeling when we walk through the door of our home (the day she was euthanized I just couldn't come inside -- it was too hard, I didn't want to face the reality of my home without my precious Muffin). What I hate the most is I have to spend the rest of my life missing her. That's why I wish our pets lived as long as we do. If we both had another ... 50 years to go, I wouldn't have to miss her for a lifetime, it would only be temporary. But, God willing, I have many years ahead of me, and thus many years with this hole in my heart. No, I won't be the same again -- each pet brings something special to our lives, something of their own. No other pet can do for me what Muffin did, but I do want to keep my heart open to love again when I feel I can do it without feeling a betrayl to Muffin (my fear is that Muffin would see my new kitty or dog and feel I euthanized her because she wasn't good enough). But, nothing will be the same. As I often feel -- we have entered a dark tunnel. Once we enter it, we can't go back, we just have to go through it until we reach the other side. Our experiences in that tunnel change us, but everyday we are in it we get closer and closer to the other side and a peace about the life that lays in front of us. It just takes time, and I know with the loss of my Muffin and its circumstances, it will take me a lot longer to go through this tunnel than I am comfortable with. It's all a process, a journey of our own that we must take. Everyone here has been so wonderful and supportive. I am glad to have found this site because I don't have to take this journey alone, and you don't either. My heart goes out to you -- and I really believe Muffin and Bella are waiting for us ... :)
Registered: 1288589983 Posts: 2
Thank you both so much for you comforting words, and I am truly sorry for your losses. Miou, Muffin, and Bella are hopefully looking down on us and missing us just as much as we do. My family is just as heartbroken, but everyone refuses to talk about it. All we do is hug and try to go about our usual business. So all I do is cry at night while I'm alone. I keep remembering all the silly things Bella would do to make me laugh, and I feel guilty for all the times I pushed her away when all she wanted to do was play. I wish I had played with her just a little more, hugged her a little tighter. Even when I got mad at her for chewing this or that, she always followed me around and rolled on her back asking for a belly rub. I feel like the pain should be less than yours because you guys had your pets for years, while I only had my Bella for a little less than a year, but I can't help but feel the same thing you guys do. My two other little doggies can sense how I feel and they are being so loving. Maria, I know what you mean by saying that it feels weird playing with Miou's friends. Muffin's Mama, I also can identify with you about the guilt of giving Binkie love you feel should've gone to Muffin. I just hope that Bella knew how much I loved her without me always saying it. You guys are wonderful, thank you for being so kind during this hard time for me.
Registered: 1245859572 Posts: 2,123
My heart goes out to you in the loss of your precious Bella. What a shocking and tragic loss. It's okay to cry when you are home. It's natural. Yes, it's also natural to feel uncomfortable in your own home. I've lived in my house for 20 years, and when my dog died, it didn't feel like home anymore. It just felt like a dark cavern without any lights on. In answer to your question if you will every feel normal again. Eventually, little by little, things will come back to normal. For each person, the time it takes is different. It took a little longer for me than most, as my boy was my only child, furry and otherwise. Life is back to normal these 16 months later, but it's also a very changed life for me.. We eventually come into acceptance, that things will never quite be the same, but we can be a part of living fully again. Hugs of comfort, Lori
Registered: 1288635346 Posts: 2
Loving thoughts are with you on your tragic loss. regards amandah
Registered: 1288284075 Posts: 5
5 day have come and gone living without my dog, Owen. I spend so much time reading these post and gather so much comfort from all of you. I am so sorry for your loss of Bella. I truely mean that. I don't wish this pain on my worst enemy. I need to read the rainbow bridge, but can someone tell me where this is located? I hope it will bring me some more comfort. Thanks everyone for your support.
Registered: 1279850525 Posts: 282
http://www.petloss.com/rainbowbridge.htm Here's the link but if it doesn't work, it's on the front page of this website. I'm so sorry to hear about Owen :( I'm very sorry to hear about Bella. I know you say she was only with you a short time so you wonder if your pain should be less, but I don't think so. Your pain is also from feeling badly that she didn't have the length of life that she should have. My dog was only 4 years when he passed and I felt that he was cheated of at least 6 more years of good quality life. You loved Bella every inch as much as anyone with their fully grown dogs and you deserve as much sympathy. You have all of my sympathy, that's for certain.
Registered: 1219887733 Posts: 11,059
I am very sorry your precious Bella has passed on. Losing a pet to a tragic accident is so painful. Animals are very curious though and just have to check everything out. I know how much you and your family will miss this sweet baby and my heart goes out to you.
Mare precious Christoph ~ 2 years now ~
Registered: 1272934724 Posts: 308
I am so sorry for the loss of your Bella, what a suprise and a tragic loss too. I am sure she is at the bridge waiting for you, and i have been told time stands still for them , so when we see them it will be as if we were in the other room for a bit, i can only hope. No your house wont be a home for a bit with out her, "in time" they say. ..hugs from Ohio.
Lennys Mom 32 weeks 224 days